Well, this week was a LOT of facing reality and dealing with it. Amidst the MANY hours on the road driving solo, the hours laying awake past 2 am and the hours of funeralling and reminiscing about my dearest Granddad this weekend, I learned a lot about myself. Whoa. I mean, holy run-on sentence, but it is true. I find it NO coincidence that the last fashion feature this month is centered around my absolute favorite outfit from the winter photo shoot and my favorite words: embrace imperfection.
When I planned the outfits for this shoot with Kel-Z Photography, I wanted it to be a whole hella bunch of color. I also wanted to show my random fashion sense. It's a pretty regular occurance that I have people stop me and say, "I love your outfit...only you could get away with that combo." Um, thanks? But, then I thank them and say, well, it just kind of happens. To be quite honest....sometimes...ok ALL the damn time....it is on the third or fourth outfit combo and my bed is piled high with vetoed outfits and I'm running late so I just go with it and chalk it up to my "quirky fashion sense." There's a tip of the crazy for you.
Before we get to deep thought avec Ray I will give you the outfit details....Here you go!
- Scarf: Utah State bookstore (random, don't ask questions)
- Gray top: Chic Style Utah
- Mint Green pants which are actually capris (gasp!): Macy*s
- Super rad carpet bag: Just Be Purses
- Bracelet: local vender at the Ogden Harvest Moon Festival (aka that one night I discovered those cute beardy boys in VanLadyLove)
When we speak of imperfection, how many of us shudder and start to list the LONG list (in our minds) of our shortcomings? Ooh Ooh, pick me, pick me...the emotional, overanalyzing, blunt girl in the back row with a Diet Coke in her hand, please. We ALL do it and we should ALL STOP it. But, I know as well as the next person, that it is a task that is easier said than done. We are constantly bombarded in the media to be skinnier, richer, nicer, bitchier (you know it's true), greener and the list goes on and on. How many times do we just stop and think, "I am frickin awesome and hella broken, but it is OK."
I got a good solid dose of that this week as I embarked on my least favorite mental land, other than full-on depression, and that is mourning world. It sucks. Like f-bomb sucks. It is a mental state that offers very little control and basically you just let it ride its course, hold on and have a boat load of patience with yourself. The whole week my grandma kept saying, "we all mourn differently, it's ok." That is an understatement. I found that my list of imperfections rose to the top of the list on a sea of my never-ending tears. I was more unfiltered that usual and I knew it and I only used it to my advantage with one person and he was LONG overdue for the unleashing that occurred. I figured if I was going to be crying already then why the hell not add something else to the list.
In all seriousness, our imperfections are what test us the most. I could wax eloquent in the religious department, but I will just say this....we are only given as much trial as God knows we can handle. Period! But, the kicker is we don't get to PICK when it's officially too hard...He does. Talk about wishing we could veto THAT rule. But, it's true. I've had a couple of experiences in my life (depression not being one of them ... exception to this comment) when I was at my utter wits end and I had a pretty pointed and relatively angry prayer with God and within a few days there was some resolution. But that is RARE. Don't expect God to have a magic wand and wave it. Allow for His timing and go with the flow. And now I will go get my handheld mirror and say that out loud to myself three times.
I think the greatest blessing in admitting our imperfections is being able to see how every single human being in our life is supposed to be there to fill in the gaps. Our gaps of imperfection are mended and filled by our friends, family, lovers, children, grandparents, etc. And thank goodness! I would be a sloppy, crying lost cause if I didn't have those people who stepped up this last week and recognized that I was going completely bat shit crazy while mourning and invited me over for dinner or took me out to dinner or sent me a non-dying sympathy plant or wore a pair of shoes to a concert I was hoping to be at, but got booked for a funeral instead. Life happened, I cried my guts out, but I was damn grateful that it happened because it made me realize that I am one lucky woman to have the legacy that I do from the man we sent to heaven.
One last note about the outfit....I mentioned above that the mint pants are actually capris. Here's the story on those. I have wanted colored pants for a long time, but I've always felt like they look RIDICULOUS with my curves. And then they generally call them skinny jeans and I'm like, peace out kids....I saw these at Macy*s and I snatched them up a few years ago. I LOVE them. And I especially love wearing them in the winter with boots because I am the ONLY one who knows there is a really goofy 6 inch gap between the end of the capri leg and the sock under said boot. It's quite hilarious when I take the boots off and I usually have a good hearty laugh at how un-sexy I look and promptly take the socks off.
The moral of the story: Cut yourself some slack and embrace the imperfections, people! That's what makes us interesting. Who doesn't like a good story? We all have 'em.
Until next time, my lovelies!