Create Your Own Sunshine.

Happy weekend, my lovelies! I can honestly say that this week has been the most mentally taxing in my career vacation adventure, yet so full of sunshine. I won't burden you with the seedy details, but I will share some things I have learned.  But, first....behold....the final photo and the spring version of my hair pictures with Kel-Z Photography.  Rose petals, pink, sunshine in Ogden, happy Ray.  I loved shooting this one because the sunshine was peaking through the trees and we had to get a little creative to make it just right and not too glary (totally a word) and squinty. 

Life tends to make us glary and squinty at times.  I try really hard not to play my redhead cranky bitch card ALL the time, but man, it's not easy when life is turned upside down and I just want to crawl in a hole and cry.  I've had a lot of people tell me that I've handled this latest adventure with grace and poise.  Oh, if only that were true.  I mean, my life seems pretty super awesome on social media because I get to sleep in and do whatever the hell I want; however, that is such a sliver of my life.  In reality, it has been a ginormous test of my coping skills that I learned in organized therapy as well as a religious fundamental test to the nth degree.

There is a hymn in the Mormon hymnbook that has the following line, "when sore trials come upon you, did you think to pray?"  Whenever I sing the song and come to that line I think about the long list of prayers that have been said by me and for me when I have had sore trials in my life.  I am always a little leary when people say "we're praying for you!" because I tend to question it with some, especially on social media, because it can come across trendy and fake.  But, when I see blessing after blessing falling out of the sky and the sunshine that lands in my lap, I have to eat my words and ask for forgiveness because then I know someone (probably everyone) is praying for me.

This week I learned a really great lesson about creating my own sunshine.  I am a creature of habit (thanks, Mom), but at some point the MUNDANE of habit gets to me and I take a polar opposite approach and go a tid bit batty.  I'm sure you can relate.  Be honest with yourself....we all have that in us about something.  Dishes?  Cleaning the guest bathroom?  Sorting socks?  Anyway, my biggest survival method during all of this adventure has been routine.  As much routine as I can have to stay on task, but this week all of my usual routine was so painful.  I picked up the phone to call my mom and this is what she said, "You need a change of scenery adventure. Your usual routine is making you crazy (ier) so figure out a way to change it up so that you don't go nuts this week.  As soon as she said that I started thinking about coping mechanisms that I haven't used a lot during this adventure, but have worked in the past.  At the top of this list is coloring.  I am talking about straight up kiddie coloring in a princess coloring book with fresh new Crayola crayons.  Let me show you....

The change of scenery adventure that day turned in to a grand scavenger hunt of super secret locations that I knew nothing about before that day.  I was incredibly grateful for my tour guide that sent me to some of the most beautiful places in our area. I was also grateful for a new Disney Princess coloring book and a peaceful spot to color away my troubles.  Who says Cinderella, Snow White and Sebastian the Crab don't cure the crazies?  Like I said before, if there was ever any doubt that prayers weren't being said and answered on my behalf, times like this proved me wrong.  Oh. So. Wrong.  

The second coping mechanism that I haven't taken a lot of advantage of during this adventure is being around kiddos.  I've seen my auntie loves a few times in the last five months, but not a ton and I was starving for the simplicity and hilariousness of kid world.  Lucky for me, I happen to know a super cool kindergarten teacher with the BEST group of 5 year-olds and she has been quick and grateful to have me in her classroom to volunteer and participate.  This week I spent 3 days in kindergarten.  To most that sounds insanely exhausting (IT IS), but for me it was so much sunshine.  There is absolutely no time to be worried about the future when you have cute faces telling you how pretty you look (apparently they DO notice when I put on my eyebrows and mascara), hugging you at random and letting you test them on ABC's, numbers and sight words as well as lead a construction paper craft with googly eyes (eek!).  And let's be honest, there is a lesson to be learned when you have a little person who has a meltdown over glue stick and you think, "Honey, you're 5.  Your life is glorious and gives no reason for tears over glue.  Let's stop crying and continue on with the craft."  

When I knew that this moment of sunshine was a true gift from God was on Thursday when a student presented me with a thank you note and treat from his mom that thanked "Miss B's fantastic friend" for being in the classroom in her absence.  As I stood there and read it I had to hold back the tears (there's no crying in kindergarten) and it made my whole week.  So much sunshine right here, my lovelies.  So very much.  

The cure to my inner uneasiness this week really was crayons, super secret change of scenery adventures, mamma thank yous, cute kiddos of the 5 year-old kind and SO MANY construction paper Pete the Cats with googly eyes (someday I will write a whole post about the joy I find in googly eyes).  

The future is bright and my emotional bucket is filled because I took some sound mamma advice to heart.  Shhhh....don't tell her I admitted she was right on social media.  

The moral of the story:  Sunshine doesn't just come from the sky.  It comes from all around us and can turn an upside down week right side up in NO time.  

Until next time, my lovelies.  

-R

The Atlas of Love.

In life it is either feast or famine for me.  I'm a hopeless cause for balance some days and sometimes I just throw all care and worry to the wind and tell myself "it could be worse, I could be a dangerous addict of some kind."  Might sound a bit harsh, but I find it rather amusing (most days).  In the last year I have read more books than I have in the last 5 years.  College fried my brain and my love for reading and it has taken me this long (10+years) to recover and find my reading bug again.  While I was exiting my last career, the stress was SO HIGH.  I would come home at night and want to crawl in a ball and cry, but knew that wasn't always the answer.  I started to see some great book recommendations on Instagram and Facebook and started to read again on my iPad.  I'm a big dork about reading and if it makes my eyes hurt or I can't see the words, I won't do it. **old lady status** The beauty of my iPad is a bright, back light that means I can read in my bed, in the dark.  Perfection.  The last two books I read have been actual hard-copy books, but only because of a random chain of events, including a new light bulb in my lamp.....don't ask.....  The first book I am going to save for a 2nd edition of Beachy Reads & Sunshine Dreams, but the second gets its own post.  Read on, my lovelies!

Do you ever walk into the dollar store and stroll past the books and wonder if it's all crap or if there might be something worth reading hiding in the pile that will only cost you a buck?  On occasion I do, and the last time this happened was when in Idaho visiting my Jo bestie.  She was picking up a few items at the dollar store and the books were in the front of the store...bonus!  I started to dig through them and this book popped out at me.  As you know from my post about Sarah Boucher's book, "Becoming Beauty", I am a sucker for a pretty cover.  I shout praises to authors who have publishers with art departments that know what their doing with cover art.  I mean, I'm only one person, but I take the cover in to serious consideration when deciding whether or not to read a book. 

The front of the book says the following, "This story of women's friendships and redefining 'family' flows with lovely writing."  I could end my review right now because the person who said it was spot on.  But, I'm not!  

There were five themes in this book that I want to briefly address.  They are: friendship, faith, fear, family and love.  

Friendship:  The Atlas of Love is centered around the friendship of 3 graduate students in Seattle.  Talk about three different personalities and family structures too.  The reader quickly realizes that opposites do attract and these three girls are miraculously besties because they are SO different.  The biggest irony of this book is that one of the main characters is Mormon and she's kind of a weirdo.  I can say that because I was raised Mormon and I could tell that the author was very well-versed in her quirky Mormon.  Still so funny, but probably more so because I could relate to it better and have known LOTS of women over the years very similar to this character....let's just leave it there.  The entire premise of this book is friendship through thick, thin, sad, happy, angry and repeat over and over.  

Faith:  As I said earlier, there is a blatant reference to faith because of the Mormon main character, but she does not dominate the faith discussion.  Throughout the book, there is much deliberation about faith in life, faith in God, faith in humanity and faith in what is meant to happen.  Who can relate to that more often than you care to admit?  **pick me, pick me**

Fear:  This book involves a baby.  It involves a baby that is a BIG surprise and thus enters a boat load of fear from numerous characters.  How do you process when life throws you a curve ball that you didn't see coming?  How do you process when life throws you a curve ball that you DID see coming?  That's the toughie for me personally.  Knowing that the end is inevitable because the writing is on the wall so you brace yourself for the impact.  Fear of the future presents itself in numerous forms throughout the book as they deal with an unexpected pregnancy, some broken loves, balancing life and the mourning and coping that goes along with it.  

Family: As I quoted above, the book talks about redefining family.  Without giving too much away (ok, I'll give away as much is on the back cover), these three girls take on the raising of the baby boy who is named Atlas.  They affectionately call it tri-parenting and it sort of works.  They are all insanely busy graduate students so they make the decision that the only way this little boy can have a relatively normal life, given the circumstances, is for them to commit to be mothers together.  It really is a heartwarming and delightful concept in theory, but they soon find that the mamma bear a.k.a. she who cooked and birthed said child is still the final say in all decisions made about Atlas.  One of the things that really touched my heart was the passion that came from the two friends who weren't the biological mothers, but dedicated their lives as if they were his mother.  In addition to their commitment to this little boy, their families also committed to being adoptive grandparents and everything that accompanied these roles.  I related well because I am the proud adoptive aunt of lots of little people who I fiercely love as much as my biological nephews and niece.  Motherhood hasn't been my adventure yet and I am so grateful for the little humans who call me Auntie Ray who aren't biological, but who I love like they were from day one.  

Love: The backbone of any great story is love and this is no exception.  Love is kind, love is selfless, love is patient and love is tough.  And when I say tough, I mean both kinds--the enduring and the challenging.  I know from personal experience that the more deeply we love the more deeply we hurt.  It seriously sucks when it doesn't go in our favor, but it is also the most rewarding and beautiful gift to have in life.  My heart runneth over when I see the beautiful, giggly faces of my nephews and niece via FaceTime and even more so when I get barrel-hugged (a real word) when I see them in person.  The human heart and soul has infinite capacity to love if we will let it.  I will be the first to admit that I am one who can easily put my heart in the deep freeze and let it sit on ice for an indefinite time, but I don't like how it makes me feel.  I want to love and be loved, thus I take risks and embrace my ability to feel the way I feel and live life as it comes.  

The quote above is near the end of the book and it really inspired me.  Not too long ago I referenced "The End" really meaning "The Beginning" and I think this quote attests to that as well.  When we have loved then we can come to the close of a moment and begin the next set of amazing moments.  Love is our focus.  Love can and will continue to reclaim us if we will let it.  And just as this quote says there will be anger AND love, with hefty helpings of both, but love will always win.  I will say it again....love will win if we LET it.  Anger is hella toxic and it can eat you alive and burn your insides if you let it.  Take the time to let friendship, faith, family and love heal your heart because when love is in the air, the next chapter is about to begin.  

The moral of the story:  All you need is love.  The Fab Four knew what they were talking about.  Trust it and let it reclaim you.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Embrace the geek.

Well the blog famine hath ended.

First of all, there is life outside of banking. Praise The Lord! I have the BEST job now and it has allowed me to have flexibility and creativity that I was deeply craving. I am forever grateful to the Ethel in my life aka Sarah B for feeding me and putting up with me during some of my most difficult days of my career. In the midst of her feeding and dealing with me she managed to bring out my geek. I was already flying some of my geek flag with The Big Bang Theory, but she has reallllllllllly brought it out. AnnnnnnD now let's talk Who. Doctor Who? Exactly. Lame joke. 

As a culmination of the flocking geekery, where do people generally go to find the rest of their nut job flock? They go to .... COMIC CON.  So imagine my surprise when Sarah told me that our mutual friend could get us free tickets to Salt Lake's Comic Con? Uh ya. It didn't exist. But then they announced that Simon Helberg from The Big Bang Theory was going to attend. And I was hooked. 

For anyone who has ever been stranded in an international airport you'll understand that droves and droves of ancy smelly people can make one twitch. Well times that by 10 and add in a few too many slutty fairies and tubby Trekkies and that about sums up the day. Now don't get me wrong, we had fun, but we(ME) had the most fun because we had VIP access and strolled right in to the panels in front of the crazies times 10. Refer to photo número 1 above. It was EPIC.

There were three things that I remembered the most.

-Simon Helberg said in his panel, "when you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life."

-Stephen Amell, who is SMOKIN HOT, talked about why he does so much for charity. He said that he does it because he can. And he controls all of his own social media so he can still have control over contact with his fans. He was simply amazing. And SMOKIN HOT.

-We stood in line for seriously an hour just to get our picture taken with the Tardis (Doctor Who). It was at the end of the day and I was beyond done. But, I needed to do it because I've taken a liking to the show, but also to send to my sister who is a HUGE fan. While we were waiting, the line got held up and before we knew it a little guy was being presented as the newest time lord and the crowd was cheering. He had asked for a Doctor Who experience with the Make a Wish Foundation and it ended at Comic Con. It melted my heart. Nothing compares with having your child live a long life, but I love what Make a Wish does for kids and their families when premature death is inevitable.

All in all, the day of flying my geek flag wasn't horrible. And really I am SO grateful for my geeky Ethel who has kept me laughing and nourished during the dark days of stupidness on the job front. 

The moral of the story: fly that geek flag, bitches!

Until next time, my lovelies! 

-R

Put on Your Service Shoes & GO!!!

Fashion Feature - Sanuks

It’s been a mentally taxing week in my world which is why the blog has been a bit quiet.  If you read my previous post you know that I was out of town last weekend for a family event and I’m always a bit of a zombie when I get home from travelling.  Laundry-sort of done, sort of not folded, kitchen – sort of mopped, dishes sort of not loaded in the dishwasher, floors – sort of vacuumed, but sort of not.  You get the picture.  But, I’ve had more important things on my mind.  Service and the Friday fashion feature go hand-in-hand this week. 

Last week, my dear friend had the gut and heart wrenching reality of a child who attempted to end her own life.  This family has become some of my dearest friends since moving to the ‘hood and this particular child has been one whom I have loved from the beginning.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE all of them, but for some reason she is just fabulous.  But she definitely has her struggles.  It is so hard to witness because I do get it, from all sides, on a very small scale.  As I was driving out of the state last Friday, I received a message that the decision was made to admit her to an in-patient scenario due to the severity of the situation.  I have an extremely empathetic heart and I feel pain for other people regularly.  It can really get the best of me and I have to keep it in check, but it is how I’m programmed.  I thought about my friend’s family all weekend and prayed that all would be well when I returned to Utah.  When I rolled into town on Sunday evening, there weren’t a lot of answers and everything was VERY uneasy.  At minimum her stay would be 5 days which would put her coming home on Wednesday.  Monday afternoon I was sitting in my office trying to decide what to do next (mostly busy work) and I took a peek at my Facebook for a minute.  My friend had posted that she needed help with something she couldn’t do.  I sent her a message and this was her reply, “I need to clean her room so that it isn’t harmful in any way when she gets home and I just can’t bring myself to do it.”  Pit in my stomach.  BIG PIT.  Breathe in, breathe out.  I dropped what I was doing, left work early and sent a message that I was on my way with dinner for the other kidlets.  My friends are my family and this was absolutely necessary.  That night was one of the most humbling experiences I’ve had in a really long time.  It was one of those moments when you have to say a LOT of prayers just to get in the car.

So…. Here’s the FASHION part….I put on my big girl panties and my services shoes….my trusty Sanuks.

Last year I was introduced to Sanuks at the Ogden Marathon.  I purchased a pair of flip flops from a local vendor and I could not stop wearing them.  HELLO, comfortable.  When I pulled up their name on Amazon I soon found that they had all sorts of styles and I needed some more!!  I found a polka dotted pair (WINNING) that looked more like hippie, surfer shoes, but they were on sale so I couldn’t help it.  That’s my answer for a lot of things.  *DISCLAIMER -- bad idea* 

According to Sanuk’s website, “we strive to make products that are as much about fun and funk as they are about function. We've found that our feet are happiest when they tread the road less traveled- so we design our sandals accordingly! Because “Sanuk” is the Thai word for fun and happiness, our name is also our mantra.” (www.sanuk.com)

Well, there ya go!  Fun, funk and function.  Those are three things that are almost always and should be involved when service is on the agenda.  Volunteering our time is always a big sacrifice, but also donating our heart and energy to a cause that is probably less-fortunate that our own is taxing too.  But, we know that with a good pair of shoes we can accomplish ANYTHING!  In the last 2 months I’ve had the opportunity to wear my Sanuks for a number of different service events and it just makes me happy!  My tootsies are comfy so I can serve more.  Bonus!

I will add that as of blog composition (Thursday-ish), my friend’s daughter is still in the hospital and life is still very uneasy, but they are coping and conquering every day one-at-a-time.  Life is hard.  Life is a cluster of a few too many “what the hell" moments, but it is also FULL of sunshine and opportunities to serve others.

The moral of the story:  We can do ANYTHING, bring sunshine to others during our own storms and hippie surfer shoes, with a funny name, have superpowers at my house.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Fashion Feature and Two Bits to Boot.

This weekend a big event took place here in the ‘hood.  The Ogden Marathon was on Saturday.  Because Ogden is awesome and the race is a Boston qualifier, our little home sweet home entertained a lot of people from all corners of the country and world in the course of 48 hours.  I decided that Friday’s fashion feature needed a little O-town history and I upped my game on the photos for my outfit to support this effort.  Historical 25th Street is the road that runs directly in front of Ogden’s historical Union Station.  When the railroad was in full force, H25 was called, “the red carpet of Ogden.”  Because of that it has always been known for its eclectic group of shops, galleries and restaurants.  And you don’t have to dig around too much to find out that it has had its fair share of “good stories” including bootlegging during prohibition, prostitution, and a myriad of other dicey events.  But, it is our history and our story and there are some incredible business owners on the street who do everything they can to preserve the culture, history and natural beauty of our “red carpet.”

This week’s feature outfit is one of my new favorites (I feel like I say that each time).  And the top reason is because it made me laugh when I realized, in the dressing room at D.I., that the very best way to dress this vintage moo-moo up was by coupling it with a Michael Kors belt and Calvin Klein wedges.  Bet ya money both of those incredible designers wouldn’t see that coming.  But, ‘tis so and it is just FUN!!!!  Similar to last week’s feature, this outfit is also epic because it went from total grandma to total awesome with some good accessories and sass.  That is the beauty of repurposed fashion.  Additionally, I feel very strongly that if a piece of clothing can stand the test of time and be modified at any given point to mesh well with the current styles, then it is worth buying and holding on to forever.  Along with that, one of my “tricks of the trade” is asking myself how many outfits I can create with a piece of clothing before I purchase it.  I know lots of women who shop in outfits because they’re afraid to try new things.  Or they just don’t ever shop because they don’t know what looks good on them or can’t think of ways to wear stuff when they are in the store overwhelmed with all the choices.  I get that, but it’s really limiting.  It’s kind of like picking a hairstyle that only looks good when the hair dresser does it and then looks semi-mullet or perma-bedhead when done at home.  If we focus on buying pieces of clothing that stand the test of time and can be coupled with at least 5 things that are already in our closet, then the return on our investment is worth it.  Obviously, there is always an exception to the rule (a hot pink pair of Jessica Simpson cork wedges come to mind), but overall, if we can shift our way of thinking to “how many outfits could I create with this?” it will save us time and money and we will be happier.

The details on this outfit are as follows:
Dress: Deseret Industries (Made in Hawaii)
Necklace: Deseret Industries (Handmade)
Earrings: 8th Avenue Thrift (Instagram Shop)
Belt: Michael Kors (purchased from TJ Maxx)
Shoes: Calvin Klein (purchased at Macy*s)
Bracelet: Chic Style (South Ogden, UT store)

Last, but not least, I want to sincerely thank my fabulous friend Sarah Boucher, future published authoress and educator extraordinaire, for humoring me and going with me to Union Station on Wednesday night and snapping these photos.  She’s a pooped inner-city kindergarten teacher by Wednesday, especially this close to the end of the year, and I really appreciated her getting off her couch to help.  It didn’t hurt that I fed her, but truly, she is such a good friend and sport.  And if you think I’m funny, look her up on Instagram @sarieboucher and on her blog/website www.saraheboucher.com.  We were blessed with good lighting and I didn’t have to do too much editing to make something simple, yet awesome for all of you.  Good friends are my blessing right now.  Well, always, but especially now, I have felt the unconditional support as I’ve had some frickin awesome curveballs.  Even last night we were an hour late for leaving because I needed a mental time-out and then I dropped an earring down my goopy bathroom sink drain.  UGH.  Life.  I tell ya.  And no offspring to blame it on.  But, lemons to lemonade and we made it and had lots of carbs and tasty dishes at Union Grill afterwards.

Moral of the story:  Ogden kicks ass, moo-moos look cute with fancy accessories and I have great friends.

Until next time, my lovelies.
-R

Sunrise, sunset

Gift from God sunset from a few months ago here in the UT. Do you ever wonder if certain things in nature happen to remind you of those in heaven? This sunset made me think of my sunshine angel friend in heaven who was so instrumental in helping me become a strong, free thinking woman. Oh how I miss my Sherrie. Oh. So. Much. We mourn because we love.

The moral of the story; it's ok to cry. 

-R

P.S.-- now I'm caught up.