Static: Tune It Out.

Time has a way of flying by at warp speed and I don't realize how fast my spaceship of crazy is actually going until I look at a calendar and let it all sink in.  To say life has been hectic since last we met, is an understatement.  I am a broken record.  Much of my blog in the last 18 months coincided with some really challenging times as a grown-up.  Adulting sucks at times and finding reasons to love and appreciate trials is basically the hardest thing you can have handed to you.  And the longer those trials drag on, the harder it gets.  But, I've learned a few new coping skills that I want to share with all of you so that maybe one of you, maybe more, will take comfort in my crazy and know that there is sunshine on the other side of that shit storm you feel like is NEVER GOING TO END.  

Small Blessings Are Huge Answers to Prayers: I am so grateful to know that I can pray to a God who I know is aware of me and loves me, in spite of my long list of imperfections.  Even when I'm making choices that some might raise their eyebrows at, He is always right there by my side, quietly guiding my footsteps towards my destiny. When I chose to uproot my life in Utah, I knew that the transition was going to be hard.  But, that was when I had it all mapped out and everything was planned in a perfect little way and I could handle THAT.  Well, then my plot had a big fat twist in it and everything went exactly the opposite of what I thought I wanted.  Little did I know that this breaking of my perfect pieces meant that I could be put back together and healed.  I beat myself up over finally being honest with someone who I thought I loved and they did nothing.  Their silence, their utter weakness, felt like it was my fault.  It was not.  It is not.  He's an idiot.  I'm better off.  The end.  The letting go was a small blessing, but a huge answer to a tough prayer to utter.  I purged my hate disguised as love and moved forward.

Turn off the Static: Growing up in Southeastern Montana meant a lot of time on the road with no radio stations.  This was the era of cassette tapes aka no smart phones or bluetooth, so it could get a little interesting if you had a long distance to drive and only so many tapes.  It was rare that I would just allow myself to drive in silence because I was always afraid I would fall asleep at the wheel because of the boredom of quiet.  Fast-forwarding to present day and I still find myself hitting patches of road here in Idaho where there are no radio stations; just static.  Even though I have my trusty iPhone with Pandora and iTunes, they only work if I have cell service which is still spotty.  Because of this fact, I now allow myself to drive in silence at times.  I allow the static to be silenced.  Our lives are like that too.  Many times we want to have the noise all the time.  Noise means our brain is focused on something else.  Noise means we don't have to cope.  Noise means masking reality.  But, if we will turn off the static in our lives and let our heart and mind drink in the peace of quiet, we will discover parts of our soul that hasn't seen the light of day in a VERY long time.  Parts of our soul that need way more nurturing than we give credit.  I found a lost part of my soul when I turned off the noise and centered back to my heart and what it really needed and it was a remarkable breakthrough for me.

Look to the Light of Family & Friends: At one point this year there were three people in my immediate family without work; I was one of them.  If you've never experienced the stress of unemployment I pray you don't have to experience it EVER.  It's rough.  It's just not pleasant.  However, it has taught me to turn to the light that is family and friends.  The list of blessings is vast, but I could not have survived without countless FaceTime calls with my Colorado loves, the GIANT warm chocolate chip cookie that showed up on my doorstep one day, the encouraging words nearly every day, and the opportunity to cry when I needed to cry.  That run-on sentence can't be broken because it truly symbolizes that I kept moving.  I kept holding on when I wanted to break up with my crappy life.  But, I didn't. I kept going.  My version of moving forward soon became known as "Ray the Neigborhood Nanny." A smidge of magical Mary Poppins, a smidge of sassy swearing sailor, a bit of old-fashioned school marm and an enabler of soda fountain mixed drinks addictions. It was the SWEET life and I felt loved and needed and that was the glue putting my pieces back together.  Plus now my besties kids LOVE me.  More than they already did.  It's awesome.  I conned my niece with the promise of Starbucks tonight!  Muwhahahahahahaha, Neighborhood Nanny is also a bit of a villain.  That's the redheaded older sister in me.

Tell Yourself, "It Will Be Ok." and Believe It: I have a sister who hates quotes on signs or the wall.  It's super trendy these days, especially in Utah, and she is a ranty rage when we ask her if she wants a quote on her dining room wall.  I, on the other hand, welcome all the wordsy reminders I can get, to help me stay calm and practice true self-care.  When I lived in Ogden, my bathroom mirror was "words of affirmation" central.  I put them in the bathroom because I spent a lot of time in there getting ready for the day and that's when I needed to remind myself that everything would be ok.  The more I walked in my bathroom and read my own affirmations out loud, the more I believed it.  The brain is a powerful tool.  It can either help or hurt you.  Now that my bathroom is a shared space and upstairs, I have my affirmations tacked on my bedroom wall and I still read them daily.  It did turn out, I did get the good job, and whoever the future baby daddy is actually supposed to be; he is out there in the universe being groomed to what I need most.  But, he better not shave off his beard or I'm folding on that birthing plan.

This little bloggy blog is my place to share some sunshine and I hope that it can continue to be that for my readers as well.  I want you all to know that we CAN face the shit storm with humor, poise and faith.  And when all else fails, just remember....

The moral of the story: You can always be the neighborhood nanny to someone and lend your time and love in times of need, both for you and them.

Until next time, my lovelies
-R

Be sure to check out the biz side of "Let It Be & Celebrate" by visiting www.beyoudesignsut.co

Love Is Transforming.

In case my nephews' view on love wasn't enough, I'm gifting you with the next installment of what love means, courtesy of my friend's preschool students.  I was DYING as she shared them with me and had to change up the order of sharing musings from other kiddos because these were just too funny to share after the conspiracy holiday.  Before you wet your pants laughing, please remember that we really should just take what 3 year-olds say and apply it to life and be done.

"Love is like a transformer toy. It's fun and then it's not. But if you pretend to be a transformer then that's really fun." Love is SO transforming.  Some days it can make you so damn crazy that you want to cry and other days it carries you through the heaviest burdens and trials and brings insurmountable amounts of happiness. And some days it's just so chill and you look at the person across the room and laugh because they are your lobster (Friends reference) and they are weird and you love it. Some of the greatest examples of transforming love have been my friends who have walked side-by-side with a spouse during a health crisis or some other life rattling event. This fall my dear friend lost her husband to cancer and it was one of the most inspiring and heartbreaking things to watch as she loved him to his very last breath and STILL continues to love and remember him as she raises their three incredible kids who are so much like their daddy.  Love is transforming when imperfections take over and a couple has to strip their pride to decide if they can and want to make their relationship work or give up.  Love is transforming when two people want nothing more than to have a baby and that is not what God has in mind and they have to fight in the trenches of infertility treatments and/or adoption together. The transforming power of love means that you face life together with grit, compassion and faith.

"I think love is for hipsters, spaghettioes, and my mom because they're all weird." Spaghettioes are WAY weird.  Is it a starch, is it meat, does it make me glad that the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened yet and that's all we have to eat? Who really knows, but I concur that love is weird....and some hipsters are dang weird and wear pants that are too tight, but a lot of them are pretty endearing. Many of the endearing kind live in Ogden, my former 'hood, and I heart them. And what about moms?  They are so totally weird, but most of us are weird just like 'em and are too chicken to admit it. Don't tell my mom that I might be one of them.  

"Play dates are super exhausting. You think they like you, but they really just want to play. BORING!" At this point in the conversation, I would have switched in to the sweet, loving feminist in the room and say, "sweetie, ladies don't got no time for the playas. Either they like ya or they don't." Boring wouldn't be my choice of adjective as much as blasted frustrating. I too find play dates exhausting and I'm a grown up. I saw a meme on Pinterest this week about women not wanting to waste time playing and that we just want to get down to business and date. Yep.  Cut the crap and put the word commitment back in your vocab selection and let's do this. Otherwise, stroll on back to high school and play those man child games with your besties. We deserve the best, whether we are male or female, and the games are BORING. Let's be real, let's be raw and let's LOVE!

"I had a movie date."
"That's exciting, what did you watch?"
"I don't remember, I was more sad he didn't notice my lip gloss and eye pretties." Boys. What oddly handsome and necessary creatures. How many of us have dated someone and in the midst of dating we bought new shoes, a pretty dress or actually DID our hair and he didn't notice and we were pissed?  The transformation of love sometimes means that we have to bring those little things that matter to their attention in the form of a bullet point list with the most important at the top.  And if the most important is "I wore red hooker shoes, put on mascara and lip gloss for you so you better notice" then make sure they know it. I'm no expert on dealing with men, but one of the things I've learned from working with a lot of them over the years is they respond better to less fluff and more bullet points. Super romantical, right?

 "Miss A, I love you a whole lot."
"I love you too!"
"Like as much as to the sun and back. Although you might die at the sun, so I can't love you anymore." Damn the boundaries. What are boundaries you ask? Well, if you have to ask me then you go to that corner and I will stay in this corner and go on loving at a level I can....you know the kind where I don't burn up and DIE. I'll admit that it's challenging to put boundaries on certain relationships because we may love too much.  How do we define loving too much?  Loving someone who doesn't love us back as much as we love them just isn't fair. It's sucky, but we deserve better. We so totally deserve to love on the moon and not burn up.  Hashtag: put that on a pillow.  

And so it goes, the humans of a 3 year-old variety have their crap together on love and we should listen up.

The moral of the story: Love changes us, but shouldn't burn us. It calls for a lot of grit and laughter and perhaps some strolling to a real date in our pretty red shoes and it's totally worth it when they're our lobster.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Love Is Happy.

Is it just me or is February the other F word for a few of you? I can't say that I particularly enjoy it myself for an extensive list of reasons that starts with winter is stupid and the 14th is that 1st quarter conspiracy holiday.  Now, don't get me wrong, I can't get enough of pink and red, roses, hand dipped chocolates and boxes of conversation hearts that bust my teeth, but it gets old pretending like the oozing blah blah blah is fun and that I should expect all those gifts listed above on THAT day more than any OTHER day.  So let's muse for a minute.

I've often brought up the subject of love on le bloggy blog. I've talked about how those three little words are some of the hardest words for some people to say audibly.  I've also talked about loving ourselves and taking care of our needs in the midst of hard times. But, I haven't really talked about it from the perspective of the profoundest love experts around and those are the little people. Have you ever had the chance to sit at a table of 5 year olds and listen to their version of life and living and loving? Compelling stuff. I had the chance to learn a whole lotta something while I was doing service in the Land o' Kindergarten in Utah. So, that got me thinking; what would the little people say about love?  And more specifically, what would MY little loves aka my ruffian, goofy nephews tell me that love meant to them?  What emerged was some of the sweetest, cutest and totally hysterical responses and I hearted all of them.  So, what's their opinion on this important matter?  Well....read on and find out.

Love is huggin' and kissin' according to all of them in their exact words.  It was a unanimous decision that love means you hug and you kiss. I can work with this! And I concur!  The huggin' and the kissin' is AWESOME when you love someone. Sometimes you have a little more huggin' than kissin' and it's OK. Hugs all around as far as I'm concerned and smoochies (S family dialect for mauling with kisses) for those we care about most or brothers who we want to embarrass the hell out of with a sloppy wet one on the cheek when he least expects it.

Love is happy.  And then the aunt's heart melted because their cute little faces said love is happy almost in unison.  Love IS happy! I am not a unicorns and rainbow blogger and going to fill you with the crap that love is EASY. Love takes a LOT of work and sometimes, as nephew #3 so eloquently chimed in, love is sad. Sending your love to heaven is super duper sad. Tough love is way sad. Tough love is not fun, especially when you have to walk away from someone because they are sucking the life out of you and making you bat shit cray. But!  Love IS happy and when the laughter, joy and trust is present, the happiness overflows.  I will also submit to you that if you are in a situation that you THINK is love and you are constantly sad, please get help and/or get out.  Please evaluate the root of your sadness and have the courage to make a change. That change may include some tough love of walking away, but I know you can do it!

Love is to be kind. I openly admit that my oldest nephew melts my heart with his tenderness and attention to the well-being of others. I didn't say he's my favorite, but he is so so much like my side of the family, specifically my dad, in that he truly cares and LOVES everyone. He remembers people's names and their life stories and he wants to know about everything. It made me smile that his version of love was to be kind. Amen and amen, my love. There is entirely too much hate in this world and it boils my blood when people are bullies and bigots because someone is different than they are. What the hell, people? Did you not learn the song, "Jesus Said Love Everyone?" Oh wait....that's a Mormon thing....scratch that. That song is a real thing and the title is just as the song goes. We need to love EVERYONE. I've been on a NetFlix binge the last couple of weeks that somehow roped in a lot of WWII movies. I'm fascinated by the history of that war, but I've watched a lot of movies that portrayed the other side of the war, namely the extreme racism and hate for groups of people that was completely unjustified. We can show infinite amounts of love just by smiling at a stranger and saying thank you to someone who least expects it. Kindness does not mean bravado, nor does it mean a marriage proposal.  Gasp..... We are all fighting a fight within our souls, play nice in the sandbox of life would ya?

Love is giving them a card and toys.  As the video interview continued they got progressively more silly. Surprised?  3 boys under the age of 6 being silly?  What?  No way.  My sister-in-law managed to catch nephew #2 saying that love meant buying them a card and toys. Ha! I love it. Definitely an answer from a kiddo, but let's be honest, I love handwritten cards so very much and if toys translates to Tiffany's then I'm SO IN!  However, I kind of wish that I could still construct a gaudy, yet super creative valentine box and have people put the itty bitty cheesy valentines in it. In fact, I would so love if a future sweetheart did just that on good old V Day.  He might win more points than some fancy pants dinner that requires I wear pants and make-up.....we can do that any day. Future Mr. @beYOUdesignsUT is still incognito, but I really appreciate it when someone is thoughtful enough to send me a handwritten note of any kind.  A sentimental old school hippie.  That's me.  I really do want peace and love....and pizza....oh wait....wrong topic....squirrel!

I hope that each and every one of us can find much to be happy about when the topic of love comes up in conversation and all over the media during the F month. No wearing black and a veil on February 14th, but you don't necessarily have to bust out your cupid get-up either. Love because you get to love. Love like it is a gift because it is a gift. Love can be your sunshine on a cloudy, cranky ass moody day. And if you still can't find anything to smile about just remember this.....the nephews' parting words on what love meant to them were this.... "love is lots of spanks."  Cue the giggling.  You're welcome.

The moral of the story: Love is the breath of life and the greatest test of life. Follow your heart; it will never ever let you down.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

The Roots of Our Soul.

Over the years, I've often thought back on some of the poorest choices I made in my life and how they came about and why I thought it was acceptable to do it.  One particular instance haunts me because I know that it was a choice made while I was in pain and without deeply planted roots of self confidence and love for myself.  I've forgiven myself, but I will always live with a reminder in my brain of the how and why and that I am forever grateful I was brave enough to face my fear and be a better person in spite of myself.

I think many of us make choices in our lives because our roots are weak and we think that our worth is far less than it actually is so why would it matter if we do what we do? It breaks my heart when I have people tell me, "I hate myself so much that I can't accept that someone might love me."  What brings a person to this point?  The breakdown of trust, communication and a spiritual root system that keeps them intact.  I've been there. It's a dark, cold, lonely place. But, the good news is, it doesn't last forever.  And thank goodness.

I reference my time in organized therapy on a regular basis because I am not ashamed that I sought help to cope. I also want others to feel safe in talking with me about their struggles and their experiences with therapy. Therapy doesn't cure you. Not even CLOSE, but the greatest gift you can walk away with is the ability to grow your roots back and build a foundation again. It took about 6 weeks before I felt the breakdown of my weak root system. What commenced was a catastrophic meltdown and physical pain because of emotional issues. There is absolutely no way we can start over until we hit rock bottom. It's the moments of having absolutely nothing except for us and God that we figure out a way to conquer our fear to take root in new ways.

One of my all-time favorite Disney/Pixar movies is "A Bug's Life." For whatever reason it has always been a movie that I can pop in to calm my nerves and laugh. The dialogue and one-liners are some of Disney's finest. One scene in particular involves Flick attempting to give an analogy of the giant tree growing from a seed and the seed is actually a rock.  Dot says to him, "this rock is going to become a tree?" and Flick freaks out and has to reexplain his point and that it takes time to grow and become strong like the tree. I always laugh because Dot says to him, "you're weird." Oh how I can relate to being weird for being a woman who relates so well to analogies by a talking ant.

Another priceless gift that I gained from therapy was the ability to say to myself, "how can I apply this event, trial, whatever, to other aspects of my life?"  Along with that I also learned the valuable mental tool, "what have I learned from this mistake and how will I live my life differently because of it?" Both of those statements take an incredible amount of "reality check" and brutal honesty with ourselves because the answer may not be what we want to hear. To that I say with all the love in my heart, tough shit. Face reality, strip your pride and be brave and full of faith to face your weaknesses.

In nature, the strongest trees can withstand the elements of weather, wind and aging with a deeply bedded root system. The same goes for us.  I love the quote above about laughing at storms.  I don't know about you, but the last thing I'm doing in the middle of a storm, figuratively or literally, is laughing.  Usually I'm crying and hiding under my blankets in my bed.  The point of this quote is that we CAN face storms with a smile on our face if we have a root system that is strong and deep.  Without a solid root system, we can't discern what is right and what is wrong and where the boundaries lie as we fight the good fight and find ourselves again.

Many of you who read this blog know me personally and know the inner and external battles I've fought.  Some of you know more than others, but I want you ALL to know this, my roots of regrowth after I went to see my Jen is what changed EVERYTHING. (her website) I know this because I have never experienced anything like my 2015 and I am here to tell you that I didn't drown because I had roots of faith and strength to hold on to with all my might. I had love in my heart for myself and others around me and I kept myself grounded by serving and allowing others to serve me.

The moral of the story: Even when the roots are cut, they can still grow back and be better than ever.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

We Mourn Because We Love: Part 2.

In May, I wrote a post about mourning and it's cankering effects on people and shared personal experiences from some of my dear friends and their own versions of mourning.  The past week has been a very difficult one for me to internalize and the level of mourning has been such that I felt that it was time to revisit the subject and pay tribute to my dear friend and his sweet widow.

This week, I paid my last respects to my friend, Clint.  Clint and I worked together while I was still in banking and very early on he said to me, "you need to know my wife."  Little did he know that those words would mean 8 years of a giant lesson in love, Gardner Village witchy fun, faith, courage, hope and what SOLID MARRIAGES look like.  When I met Clint he told me he was a cancer survivor.  I was shocked that such a fabulous man who was my age had battled an insanely aggressive cancer at the age of 19 and lived to tell about it.  Fast forward 5 years and suddenly Clint and Kamille were receiving the news NO ONE wants to hear; "it's back."  Well shit.  I was still living in Salt Lake at the time and I remember shedding tears and bracing myself for the funeral I never wanted to attend.  What I witnessed was one of the MOST courageous battles to fight cancer that I've ever seen.  Clint and Kamille were the true example of kicking cancer in the ASS (literally -- the cancer's favorite playground was Clint's glute muscles) and not letting it get them down, even though it did.  Did I mention they also have three kiddos?  Watch a short video with their story here:

Kamille has been a trooper.  She has faced the reality of her husband/handsome boyfriend being terminally ill with grace, truth and raw honesty.  She started a blog called "Clint The Cancer Warrior" as well as a Facebook page and the social media community was given a glimpse of many moments: the laughs, the serenity trips to Hawaii and the hours and hours camping at Huntsman Cancer Center with chemo and surgery after surgery after surgery.

So, why talk about mourning again?  Because it is happening to a lot of people that adored Clint.  But, also, I've learned some new things about mourning in the last month.  First of all, when someone has a terminal illness or ailing health, the mourning starts long before the death occurs.  It may not be a full force emotional state, but it starts on some levels.  I compare it to the pain that is under a band-aid that you know you need to rip off, but you're leaving it on because the festering wound under it is invisible with the band-aid in place.  Second, embracing the mourning process also means accepting the facts and embracing the positive with a smile on your face, but the willingness to cry.  Tears are healthy, but so are smiles and positive thoughts.  The third reality of mourning is one that I especially struggle with and that is the utter sense of empathy that is felt in my heart for Kamille.  I know from first-hand experiences that Clint was a true gentleman who ADORED his wife.  He was also a first rate father.  In Mormon theology we are taught that families are together forever, but how does anyone attempt to believe that when the only human you can't live without is suddenly gone? It's hard.  Really really hard.  The faith comes in facing each day as it comes.  I wrote a guest blog post this week and compared the recovery from depression and being a support for others to a lighthouse standing bright to light the way for those who are still out to sea.  I would also say that the same applies to mourning.  If you are someone who has been affected by a loss to cancer or the death of a spouse, comment below or reach out to Kamille on her social media sites. I know she would greatly appreciate the added support and words of encouragement.

The moral of the story: Saying good bye to a hero hurts, but the legacy will continue.  Clint was such a stalwart example and will never be far from our hearts.

Until next time, my lovelies.
-R

P.S.

Below is a video that Kamille posted on YouTube just three days after Clint passed away.   It shows the true face of her love for Clint and the sadness that she feels for his passing.  It's a tear-jerker.  To donate to Kamille and her sweet babes, please follow this LINK.

Amy Purdy, Swag and a Giveaway!

Hello, my lovelies! I'm excited to announce my annual "All You Need is Love" giveaway.  Last year we were still small in the number of followers on le instagram, but this year I am upping my game.  I've decided to run the giveaway through the blog and thank heavens for Rafflecopter.  Nothing makes me happier than a free app that keeps me organized.  Can I get an amen, hallelujah from the congregation?

This year's giveaway is the incredible memoir by the double amputee American Winter Olympian, Amy Purdy.  If you're not familiar with her story you are truly missing out on an inspiring tale of great magnitude.  To read more and more check out her website here.  I first heard about her when she was the celebrity dance partner for Derek Hough (be still my heart) on ABC's Dancing With The Stars.  She blew my mind with her dedication and attention to detail against all odds.  It was by far one of the best seasons ever.  The best part was her ability she push Derek, a decorated and talented choreographer, to new heights by forcing him to create dance routines that accommodated her lack of nerve function in the feet.  Every week she came out and did more and more and more.  Oh and did I mention she's a kick ass snow boarder????  Um ya.  She's created a sport of its own (as if it needed to be any cooler) and has developed a technique through her ability to adapt to boarding with bionic legs. 

As I've been reading the book I have shed tears and laughed and cried again.  A lot of her story is a very spiritual one and her journey through losing her legs because of Meningitis when she was 19.  She also talks about her dad and his greatest sacrifice of donating a kidney for his daughter.  Just this week she started a new campaign with Toyota and talked about her dad.  It is the coolest ad.  Take a look by following this link.  Are you crying yet?  If you recall I wrote a blog post about my daddy, my hero, and this ad made me think of him.  He has always been SO good to his daughters and loved us just the way we were which is a tid bit crazy (we get it from our mother) and was a good sport about watching chick flicks and letting us do his hair.  He also was such a champ when we would come home and tell him about the latest cute boy that we were destined to marry.  Oh wait...that might still happen a little for this daughter.  It doesn't happen as often as high school, but there have been a few lads that my daddy definitely heard the WHOLE STORY about long before my mother.  He's always been our sentimental rock and for that I love and appreciate him so much.

As soon as I started reading the book, I knew I wanted to have it be my main giveaway this year.  February is going to be the month of LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE yourself (the good kind, not the selfish kind) and we are going to talk about embracing the body God blessed you with by rocking the COLOR in your fashion choices.  I will have fun photos from my photo shoot with Kel-Z Photography and we will talk color and pattern and a lot of other fun things.  Additionally, I'm going to spotlight my dear friend D'Arcy's wonderful store, Chic Style.  She has been such a blessing as a friend and confidant, in addition to feeding my fashion fetish and it's time to talk about why and in more detail than I have in the past.  One of the secret swag bag items is a beautiful pendant from a local Ogden Valley artist named Ashley Bennett Stoddard that Chic Style sells.  This is one of my favorite pendants that she's designed and it is a pewter snowboard.  BUT!  The fabulous thing is you don't need to be a boarder to enjoy it because she has incorporated nature into the pendent and it is a gorgeous piece to wear with just about everything.  Check it out here.  I also have a few other items in the works for the swag bag, but I'm going to keep them a secret, but they are going to rock.

I am so excited to share this book with you.  I have lived through some pretty dark days in my adult life, but NOTHING compares to what Amy Purdy has been through and she does it with such grace and poise and faith.  We can all draw such hope from reading her story and re-read it on the really BAD days.  In conclusion I want to share the following video with you from Amy's time on Dancing With The Stars.  Watch and be amazed, my lovelies. 

The moral of the story:  Even against all odds, we too can have bionic super powers and shred through life with a heart full of faith and determination!

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

a Rafflecopter giveaway