To My 16 Year-Old Self.

This past week I took on a new role in my church as a leader with the teen girls in our congregation.  This particular role is one that I haven't had since I was 19 and I've been grateful that they asked me to do other things.  For the majority of my adult life, I didn't want to talk to the younger generation about being a single female in our religion or how to face life and prepare to be an adult.  It's hard.  It's totally stupid at times.  Hell, being a woman is hard.  So much pressure; so much ridicule. The sleepless nights over stupid shit that didn't actually matter. The list goes on and on. However, when the time came for me to take on this role, I felt like it was going to be OK, in spite of my utter fear and feelings of inadequacy.  So far, I've only wanted to crawl in a hole maybe once or twice so that's good.  The reality is this; being a teenage girl is tough in 2017.  Social media distraction and drama; drugs; alcohol; figuring out what the hell is up with boys; finding your faith and relationship with God; learning to juggle homework, chores and hormones is hard.  

As I sat across the room from fifteen of these beautiful girls, I thought to myself, "I don't ever want to be 16 again." But, I've also thought, "what would I tell my 16 year-old self about being an adult?" So, without further adieu, here are a few of my musings from the 30+ year-old version to the 16 year-old (wishing she was older) version.  

1. Boys will always be weird; don't let it define your self-worth.  I'm pretty positive that I still have to remind myself of this on a regular basis.  The male world is a totally different breed than girl world and if we let it get to us, it's just a mess.  I read the book "Men are From Mars, Women from Venus"a few years ago and it was a good reality check.  Men are hardwired for such different things than women and they don't get it that we notice every little thing and wish they'd compliment our cute shoes and new hair, but really, they just want to eat a double cheeseburger, lift weights or make out.  Eventually they will refine their tactics a bit and you'll find one who you can live with forever, but in the meantime, don't let their weird define your self-worth.  You be you and he will be whatever it is he is and someday you'll find that guy who thinks you're the funniest, prettiest, kindest lady who says shit way too much and drinks Diet Coke more than water. 

2. The sun will rise and set on a lot of bad days; hold tight and don't give up. I had no idea how hard my life was actually going to be in the near future when I was griping about having to share a car with my brother and spend time with my family.  I didn't know that 2 years later I'd be in this dark abyss of scary as I hit an emotional low and was buried in depression.  I didn't know that I was already experiencing things that were going to set the stage for the rest of my life, in good and bad ways.  My version of "hard" was getting up at 6 am to go learn about Jesus and have pancakes for breakfast 3 out of the 5 weekdays.  Actual difficult days rolled in after I graduated and I was really glad that I had gone to those 6 am classes about Jesus because it helped me hold on real tight when I wasn't sleeping at night and was afraid of what my brain was telling me.  

3. Who you go to senior prom with will NOT matter when you're 35 so don't stress if you don't get asked. High school dances suck for everyone, but the popular kids.  They just do.  It's so much hype, stress and money and really it just does NOT matter in the grand scheme of life.  I had one dance in high school that I was 100% happy and prepared to attend with my best guy friend.  But guess what?  I don't talk to him anymore, the dress is long gone, my hair looks way better, and I don't remember what I had for dinner that night.  Dances aren't the defining moment of your life map so don't worry if that one guy in 3rd period doesn't ask you to the dance. He's probably just as wigged out as you are that he has to get dressed up, shower and buy you a flower.   

4.  Look for the good in all people; you never know who will remember what you said to them in the hall, how you made them feel, and how it might affect you later in life.  Now that I'm living in my hometown as an adult, I'm quickly being reminded of the good, the bad and the ugly that went on in my high school years.  I remember who was the total ass hat and the mean girl, but I also remember who was the popular kid with a good heart.  On the flip side, I'm discovering the impact I had on people and albeit a little overwhelming at times, I'm grateful that I had parents who taught us to be good, kind, sans drama and non-judgmental.  It's a tough gig being the token Mormon kid in a Catholic town, but I'm so beyond grateful that I had the diverse upbringing that I did.  I love people for our similarities and our differences.  

5.  God DOES have a purpose for you and He is guiding your footsteps.  Listen to your heart and soul and take risks to chase your dreams.  There is one element of my teen years and early adulthood that I still have to consciously work through to get over. Some extra pressure and control that I'm convinced triggered the depression.  I can't change it, but I have to wonder if I had been a little more confident in myself and better educated on Vitamin D levels and some other things that it could have gone better.  But, the faith-based side of me also recognizes that everything happens for a reason and everything worked out and the pieces fell together.  So, to 16 year-old me, don't forget that God is there, he knows and loves you. He is guiding your life, even when you want to poke your mother's eyes out.  

6. Set boundaries. Know where you stand so that the peer pressure can't break you. I am grateful to report that I didn't have issues with peer pressure while I was a teen.  I can count on one hand the number of times I was remotely approached to step out of my moral compass.  This is incredible because there was a LOT of shit going down during my teen years in this town and I feel like a flock of guardian angels were watching out for me.  I've had to instill more boundaries and anti-peer pressure antics in adulthood than I ever imagined.  

7. Laugh as loud as you want and sing at the top of your lungs if you feel like it. One of the most hurtful bits of criticism I ever received as a youth was that I laughed too loud.  If I told you who said it you'd be super pissed and disappointed so we won't go there.  But, I wish that I would've been a duck and let that hurtful comment roll off my back.  The person who said it was more insecure than I knew at the time and had I known what I know now, I could have said to myself, "Screw that!  I will laugh as loud as I want because it is my expression of happiness and I'm having fun and want to laugh." But, I didn't and here I am and I still remember how it made me feel and it was 20+ years ago.  Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.  Life is really sucky at times and you should always find those reasons to laugh because it builds your core muscles, strengthens your vocal chords and boosts those endorphins.  

As for singing....I grew up in a very musical family.  We're all trained singers, but we are all our own person with differing talents and imperfections.  I have insane performance anxiety when I sing solo and a lot of it stems from feeling inadequate in the eyes of peers and family members as a teen.  It's getting better, but I still get embarrassed when people notice my voice in group settings and say something.  Generally their words are kind and complimentary, but I have this subconscious 16 year-old lingering that still wonders if she's good enough.  Sing your heart out and dance in the car.  It's the best therapy and vocal practice you could ever give yourself.  I've learned more about my voice and its abilities by singing to the opera station on Pandora and it's helped me build confidence to sing in "full voice" whenever I feel like it.  

8.  Let yourself cry when you are sad or stressed. I've talked about this in previous blog posts so I won't dwell on it a lot.  I would tell my 16 year-old self that crying is actually your stress release so when it happens, let it happen because it's your body trying to get all the toxins out after a tough situation or hard day.  

9. Don't rush growing up.  Let someone else cook your meals, wash your clothes and pay the bills for as long as you can.   This advice is the one I find myself saying out loud and in my head the most when I have the chance to visit with teens and young adults in college.  I see myself in the girls I work with at church because they are super excited to graduate and have 'freedom' and run away from 'methy Montana" to far-off places.  I could not get the hell out of dodge fast enough when I graduated from junior college and I spent 13 years missing my home, family and friends terribly.  While living in Utah, I missed three funerals of very, very dear friends who died suddenly and traumatically.  Each of the days that I was told that they were killed are forever burnt in my brain because it rocked my world that I could not come home to properly say good bye and mourn their loss.  That was the result of choosing to run away and now that I'm here in my hometown, I feel a certain sense of peace that I have the chance to correct some of that mental trauma because I can visit graves and see family members who remind me that all is well and life has moved forward.  That's just one example of the things I experienced because of my running far away from home so quickly.  Be still and enjoy the moment because they will dissolve no matter what and you don't want to regret if the last conversation was a good one.  

10. Say, "I love you" freely and without embarrassment.  I was terrified to show love as a budding 16 year-old.  I let everyone around me call the shots on how I behaved in relationships.  I regret it so much. I think about those who should have known that I really really loved them as well as those who I acted like I loved, but really I was going with the crowd. The lingering reminders are still there and I wish I would have fought for the love just a little bit harder. Don't be afraid to share your feelings and have your vulnerable side come out.

I think we can all agree that being 16 had its pros and cons and that it's a damn miracle that we survived.  However, we still have the chance to learn, grow and influence those who are living it now.  I'm really honored to work with these gems because they also remind me how lucky I was to have women full of integrity who held my hand and reassured me that it would be ok on the tough days. I'm grateful for the women who woke up at 5 am so that I could learn about Jesus at 6 am and I'm especially grateful for my parents who paid the bills, cooked the food and taught me to be kind to everyone.  

The moral of the story: Be you. Laugh at you. Love you.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Be sure to read last week's post: "Let's Talk Mental Health."

Let's Talk Mental Health.

2016 came to a miraculous and tornado-esque end as I found my life path completely shifted and the Knox and I were on our way back to Big Sky Country and my hometown in Eastern Montana to accept a position doing what I love and live for; nonprofit and development work.  To say the situation was miraculous is an understatement.  It has not been carefree and rainbows adjusting to a life sans Target, a multi-screen movie theater or winters with temps above -20.  It's been crazy challenging at times, but it's also been unbelievably happy and rewarding.  In the midst of it all, I've promised myself to look for my purpose in the Wild West and attempt to stay positive. Over and over and over and over I've seen a theme come through that I didn't expect, but I'm completely ok with it because it's time.  It's time to be the voice that I wish I had when I was a teen and young adult living in this community.  That voice is one of mental health advocacy.

Before we get to the staggering statistics that Montana brings to the table in mental health issues, I want to share a story with you.  The other night I had dinner with my friend and she shared an experience with me about her child being severely bullied while sitting in class and how hard it was to concentrate on the teacher because they were trying so hard not to cry on the outside while crying on the inside.  I haven't forgot this description of their emotions and I've thought about it on so many levels.  For those of you who are regular readers of my blog, you know my story.  You know how hard I've fought to counter depression and overcome some really tough relationships in my life in order to live an actual, normal (ish) life.  This young person's description of their feelings is how I have felt so many times when I had people standing in front of me who didn't believe that my insides were full of barb and sadness that I couldn't make go away. I am truly touched that she was comfortable sharing something so intimate because those are the moments that a mom wishes she never had to have. Her child is an incredible human, but different.  They're not like the other kids.  Suddenly this kiddo's differences make them the enemy and that is ridiculous.  Kids who are different; adults who are different; they become statistics because they feel absolutely no hope and love from those around them and thus take matters in to their own hands or mask their issues with addiction in all its forms.

And so I come to the point tonight.  My 2017 personal mantra is quickly becoming mental health advocacy.  Some of you might say....uh, hello, Raylynn....that's already your mantra.  You are correct, but it has become something that I have to REALLY advocate and speak the hell up because I am surrounded by a LOT of people who are either too scared of what people will think to get help or just plain don't give a shit and will drink their sorrows away or whatever numbs their reality.  

In an article written by the Bismarck Tribune, they shared the following statistics about suicide in Montana, "According to the 2015 Youth Risk Behavior Study, nearly 9 percent of Montana high school students attempted suicide in the 12 months before taking the survey.  Even more concerning, the survey data indicates that students who attempted suicide have many other life problems, such as bullying, drinking and drug abuse.  Although youth suicide gets more attention, the highest rate of suicide in Montana is actually for adults age 45-64.  In 2014, Montana recorded 251 suicides, and a rate of 24.5 per 100,000 population.  That was nearly double the national average of 13.4.  The 2015 statistics are worse: 267 suicides."  The article also stated that health care facilities are being bombarded by suicidal patients and it's causing the need for additional training.  Ya think?

So here's my voice, people.  What are we doing to change this?  Who cares? I'll tell you who.  The mom who has to tell her son that she doesn't have all the answers as to why his dad took his own life. The principal who just attended yet another funeral for a student who gave up after getting a C- instead of an A in Calculus.  The shift supervisor who had to tell his entire team that their coworker was found dead due to an intentional drug overdose.  Those people care because it has directly affected them.  But what about those of you who deem yourself lucky because you live in a bubble and these issues don't exist in your world?  Guess what?  They exist.  They are real and they need to be addressed.

The bottom line of mental health issues is the inability to cope.  If we would actually address the root of the issue and reason for not being able to cope, we would get so much further.  Take a minute and think about it.  Today, I couldn't deal with the stress of my job so I did this..... or today I had a really brutal fight with my spouse so I did this..... Today I totally failed as a parent and human being and now I just want to do this .... and give up..... Today my spouse told me he was cheating on me so I did this.......Today I told my brother I never wanted to speak to him again because he stole money from my business and now I want to do this........... All of these scenarios can and will happen.  But, we can actually face the root.  We really can.

For me, a lot of my depression over the years has stemmed from genetic markers that I can't change, as well as low Vitamin D thanks to being a redhead and living the sunscreen life for the majority of my existence.  However, there are some factors that definitely make it way worse if I let it.  I'm my toughest critic and I let myself be a terribly mean judge if I don't nip it.  Before I know it, I've shamed myself and it's a slippery slope towards sadness and self-pity.  The tools I have to help me work through this weakness did not come without a price.  I spent some really quality, yet challenging, time in organized therapy while living in Utah and my coping skills were directly impacted by the tips I learned from Jennifer.  I can't sing enough praise for organized therapy.  It saved me.  I was such a hopped up, angry mess and Jennifer helped me love again and have the ability to cope.

The reality of mental health issues on a grand scale as I described above is this: we have to break the cycle by making changes ourselves and then leading the way for the younger generation.  How can they learn how to face life's challenges if the adults around them face it with numbing activities and addictions?  If you are a parent or adult who needs help; GET IT.  Quit caring about what the neighbors might think and just get the damn therapy.  You will feel better.  You will walk in there thinking you're addressing one issue and quickly find that it will spread to all aspects of your life.  Priceless.  Absolutely priceless.

I'm nervous excited to share more of my story in this community  It took me 15 years to finally come to terms with my imperfection.  I'm not afraid to talk about it, but I also know that it tends to trigger my sadness that this is my reality.  A vicious cycle, but I have figured out a way to share just enough to make an impact, but not trip myself up.  Please have the bravery to get help.  For those of you who are reading this and we are neighbors or coworkers, please don't hesitate to ask me questions.  Email me: raylynn@beyoudesignsut.co.  I will share what I can share to help you feel empowered to change.  For those of you who aren't right here and still need the encouragement, email me!  If you're in Utah, I know a lady and she will change your world.  Together we can achieve more and I will do what I can.  I won't be your security blanket, but I can sure tell you where to purchase one.

The moral of the story: take care of your heart and your brain; they're all you've got.  Love the one you're with.  Like for reals.  

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

lemons to lemonade.

Once upon a time I made the leap of faith to leave a career that was sucking the life out of me. Little did I know that the next two years would be the BIGGEST lemons to lemonade object lesson of my life.  Wait, what?  I thought having straight-up clinical depression at 19 was that event in my life?  Or maybe fearing kitchen knives and necklaces because my anxiety was so high while in therapy?  Nope.  This.  Leaving a career and everything that followed has literally changed me, but for the better.  So, let's talk about that and how I've managed to turn my bushel of lemons to a grand pitcher of tasty lemonade.

If we are being totally raw and real, I will confess that there was absolutely NO other option, but to leave my previous career.  It was pretty much awful towards the end.  I was working for a person who was dishonest and didn't respect women. Plus, there were a lot of politics that didn't bode well for me.  I was miserable and stressed out of my mind.  I was presented with an opportunity to do what I loved so I took the risk and did it while taking a pay cut and all that went with leaving 11 years in a single industry.  It put me in the path of some of the best business people I've ever worked with, but also some on the other side of the spectrum.  Lemons to lemonade meant focusing on the people I loved working with and trying to tune out the others.  Not easy.  Believe me.  I opened up a part of my heart and soul that was passionate about doing the best possible thing with what I was given and I did just that.  I taught myself how to do things "the hard way" and succeed.  What I didn't know was this path was leading me in a direction of far bigger and much harder things.

One of the biggest challenges in life is to see the sunshine in our storm.  It's even harder when you already have a tendency for depression.  My mental health struggles started out because of female-plumbing-gone-haywire mixed with pressure on the homefront, but as I've aged and learned how to deal with that part, I've gotten better at managing it.  When my depression LOVES to show up to the party is in stressful situations or seasonal times of the year when the days are shorter and colder. Those are my triggers.  So, when I was suddenly presented with situations due to "doing what would make me happier" that were ultra shitty, the big D waltzed his way in too.  Yes, he is male.  No, I'm not being a feminist man-hater bitch.  Just roll with it.  Overbearing depression and anxiety are the party crashers that no one wants to ever see, but they still manage to show up.  But we have to face them and treat them with kindness because that's what ultimately sends them away.  Let them eat some appetizers, have a couple drinks and then they will go away.  And suddenly I've made depression sound like a bad wedding reception.

I have learned that the BEST way to make lemons to lemonade is to really take the advice "mind over matter" to heart.  Vision boards are not all smoke and mirrors, my lovelies.  When we visualize the other side of the trial we can get through the here and now so much better.  Having the vision doesn't mean that it's going to just poof itself away, but it means that we have our eye on the positive and can focus on it for as long as we need to.  It still means we will have "ugly cry" days and "step-away-from-the-chocolate-and-Diet-Coke-before-I-kill-you" days, but we get through them.

This past weekend I went to a business conference that my friends put together.  It was seriously one of the best experiences for me, both personally and professionally.  When it was done, I was on cloud nine for a long list of reasons.  I felt empowered, loved and appreciated. It was my lemonade for the last 2 years of utter hell of leaving a stable, yet shitty career, and becoming who I am meant to be.  However, I could not have been sitting in that room enjoying that surreal moment unless I had been in my previous career.  My knowledge, experiences and connections put me in that path.  150%.  In fact, my dear friend who was one of the event organizers was one of the best business risks I took in my previous career path.  She and I met sight-unseen after emailing each other on LinkedIn.  We still call each other the best blind business date we've ever been on.  I adore her and she has put me in the path of so many incredible people who have brought opporutnity and happiness to my life.  Lemons to lemonade.  Completely.  One of the speakers at the event was Olympic bronze medalist, Allison Baver.  Allison was in a horrific speedskating accident before the Vancouver Winter Olympics and her will to heal led her back to full health and she went on to win a bronze medal.  She shared the following quote with us and it really resonated with me.

Our mind can change the course of life, good or bad.  How are we choosing to treat it and how are we choosing to interpret life and its challenges?  For every trial, there are five things we can be grateful for sitting right in front of our face.  Each and every time we recognize the blessings we are keeping our brain on course to determine our outcome for the better. I can't begin to tell you the number of nights I have prayed with gratitude for my bed, the safety of my home, a warm bath, grilled cheese sandwiches and that the day was over.  5 things to be grateful for to every crappy thing.  Try it!  It works wonders!

One of the best cards I received last year was from my dear friend Mel.  It went something like this, "well lemons to lemonade, even if it's a 6 pack of hard lemonade."  At that point I probably could have drank a few hard lemonades, but I didn't, and I pulled myself up and got through the challenge that warranted her card.

I have resolved to further continue my quest for lemons to lemonade in some ways that are SO exciting yet SO terrifying because they expose more vulnerability and make my stomach jump.  But, I'm going to do it and I'm going to succeed just like I already have.

The moral of the story: When life hands you lemons, break out the juicer, throw in some extra suga (or maybe vodka) and have a party in spite of the storm!  You can totally do it!

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Be sure to check out the biz side of "Let It Be & Celebrate" by visiting www.beyoudesignsut.co

But, What If I Fail?

This week we've had nearly perfect weather here at Chez Ray Country. It's been cool and clear at night and mid 80s with a breeze during the day. I've been trying to eat lunch at the park more so I can enjoy fresh air before it's too cold. Today I was particularly aware of the moms and kiddos joining together for play dates at the playground across the way. I found myself thinking, "oh how I wish that was my life." That's an every day occurance for me and it's ok. But then in the next sentence I thought, "I'll bet one or all of those women wish they were still working outside of the home and could catch a nap on their lunch break or go to the bathroom in silence, but instead sit in an infinite pile of laundry and empty packages of scooby snacks."

And that's what got me thinking. How are we doing in the here and now?  Are we living in the moment or are we worrying ourselves sick that we will fail and mess up our "life plan?"  In my last blog post, I talked about tuning out the static of our lives. I talked about the ability to face your life full-on and say, "I don't care what anyone says or what the voices in my head say, I am doing this." The flip side to this thought process is the ever-present demon voice in our head that says, "but, what if I fail?" I have a few things to say about that.  Let's begin some raw musings avec Ray.

The majority of my readers are women, sprinkled with a few brave men. I am humbled by the stories that have been shared with me as I share my story about my journey of empowerment and mental health awareness.  There are stories far worse than mine and people who have lived through some pretty scary shit in their life and come out of it better and braver.  But getting through these events doesn't mean the scars just magically disappear.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  The biggest side effect that I have observed and lived is the fear of failing.

One of my most popular blog posts is "In My Life." I share my thoughts about the great hit by The Beatles, "In My Life" and how it related to my closing thoughts after organized therapy.  I didn't share all my thoughts in that post, but there was definitely more.....lots more that I think about regularly. One of the questions and subsequent answer that I still think about is this, "Question number 2....how do you not let yourself get trapped in the "What if's" of life.  Oh my hell....if anyone has that answer ring me right up.  The word IF should burn in hell.  It is not fair that we've been taught to use the word "if."  What if I don't get married...what if I don't have babies?  Uh ya, still can't live with those answers.  I may never know if I can do it.  But all I know is I can still get up in the morning, plan my day, be amazing, and let it all pan out.  And when the evil word "if" creeps its way in...I recognize it...recognize my pain...but quickly move it right out.  That's the only way to do it."

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As I read that paragraph for this blog post, I suddenly had a flood of memories from the last 5 years since I wrote that statement.  I remember feeling a huge pit in my stomach about the idea of taking risks and facing life's challenges without the security blanket of a therapist.  Since then, I've been knocked down 3 times in my career in a year's time, lost a close family member to death, said good bye forever to someone I thought I loved, gave up on God's timing, gave a second chance to God's timing, fell in love with nature, started a business, embraced aunthood in all aspects of my life, bought my first bikini top (don't tell my mother) and quit checking my bank account every hour of every day for fear of not having enough. My hardest days are those when I let the demon named IF creep in to my brain.  Anxiety is a HUGE element of depression and for many of us it comes and goes in waves, depending on the life events at the time.  For me, I have found much solace in meditation and the art of being still and turning off my brain in an effort to calm the hell down.  That is NOT easy at times, but I'm getting better at it.  The other day I was talking to my best friend about this process.  It didn't magically happen on its own.  There have been LOTS of nights where I could only turn my brain off for a few minutes and then I had to do something else. I call that gypsy flight mode. Lately, I have had the ability to shut off the noise and actually relax.  You can do it too.

For some of you, this may require medication to even out your chemical balance.  GET ON IT.  Do not be afraid to medicate!  Why in the hell would you continue to willingly let yourself be miserable?  Turn off YOUR static, that medication is bad, and give yourself the gift of mental reprive.  Remember, medication, just like therapy, does not cure you.  It merely gives you a buffer so you can freaking cope when you just want to go postal.

When it comes right down to it, our fear of failing has to do with relationships.  Relationships with those around us and with ourself.  Our fear of failure stems from unrealistic expectations that we set for ourselves and those that we perceive are set by others.  If we will cut the superficial and dig deep as the Dalai Lama suggests in his book, "The Art of Happiness," we will find peace and less anxiety.  If you don't have a copy of this book, stop what you're doing and BUY IT.  It is $2.56 on Amazon Marketplace for the paperback copy (yes, I checked) and it is a must-read.  Being still, having less fear and more faith comes by grounding ourselves and trusting our power to live.  The Dalai Lama gives such eloquent wisdom in this book and I always reccommnd it to friends who are having a tough time in life.

For all the crappy that has occured in my life, the peacful and content that has followed it is irreplacable.  When I look at the sweet faces of my four Colorado loves on FaceTime and melt all over again, I remember that I have a reason to live.  I have LOTS of reasons to live and I have even more reasons to continue my life and not fear failure and so do you.

The moral of the story: Failure is not failure unless we say so.  We can either fall down and give up or we can learn from it.  That's it!  Give yourself a chance to be amazing and it will happen.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Be sure to check out the biz side of "Let It Be & Celebrate" by visiting www.beyoudesignsut.co

Be Inspired.

Hello, my lovelies!  I've been a busy bee building my business, working a new full-time job and rolling with the tide of life.  I've been working on designs for clients, but also for my Facebook page too.  I thought I would share those with all of you so you can pin & share & be inspired.  I will also include some previous blog posts that I'm reminded of with each other these quotes.  This first one is from the ever amazing and sassy, Lucille Ball.  Check out this blog post about falling in love with a redhead.

At times it seems like we should just give up, but that is NOT the answer. Ever.  Keep moving forward, keep trying to cope!  Read this post about coping.

This is such a great quote and reminds me of the post I wrote about flying our geek flag and being happy even when we are COMPLETE nerds.  This post is also a book review of one of my favorites written by an author from Utah.  Come fly your geek flag here!

In all the transition and craziness that is my life, I am SO beyond grateful for my tribe of girlfriends who support me and cheer me on during the not-so-ducky days.  In this post I talk about our friends being the sunshine in our life!

Be your own kind of beautiful.  A woman's heart is where her true beauty resides.  Read this great post about the power of being a strong woman as well as a book review of The Boston Girl by Anita Diamant.  

Audrey Hepburn is a great inspiration for me and I especially loved this quote.  Living a "normal" life doesn't actually exist and depending on the day, it can be quite challenging.  In one of my most popular blog posts, I share my thoughts about the loving and living that has happened in my life and how I keep growing.

Last, but certainly not least, is this gem from Harriet Tubman.  As women we are sometimes discouraged to dream big and chase after our dreams.  I know that we can do it and I am living that in my life so many ways.  In this blog post (my most recent post), I talk about ignoring the static and listening to the voices that matter most.

I hope that we can all focus on the what matters most and find inspiration in the words of others.  Please feel free to pin, share, email, print, tape to your bathroom mirror, whatever!

The moral of the story: We can find great inspiration in other's words as well as inspire others to have courage and keep fighting their fight.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Static: Tune It Out.

Time has a way of flying by at warp speed and I don't realize how fast my spaceship of crazy is actually going until I look at a calendar and let it all sink in.  To say life has been hectic since last we met, is an understatement.  I am a broken record.  Much of my blog in the last 18 months coincided with some really challenging times as a grown-up.  Adulting sucks at times and finding reasons to love and appreciate trials is basically the hardest thing you can have handed to you.  And the longer those trials drag on, the harder it gets.  But, I've learned a few new coping skills that I want to share with all of you so that maybe one of you, maybe more, will take comfort in my crazy and know that there is sunshine on the other side of that shit storm you feel like is NEVER GOING TO END.  

Small Blessings Are Huge Answers to Prayers: I am so grateful to know that I can pray to a God who I know is aware of me and loves me, in spite of my long list of imperfections.  Even when I'm making choices that some might raise their eyebrows at, He is always right there by my side, quietly guiding my footsteps towards my destiny. When I chose to uproot my life in Utah, I knew that the transition was going to be hard.  But, that was when I had it all mapped out and everything was planned in a perfect little way and I could handle THAT.  Well, then my plot had a big fat twist in it and everything went exactly the opposite of what I thought I wanted.  Little did I know that this breaking of my perfect pieces meant that I could be put back together and healed.  I beat myself up over finally being honest with someone who I thought I loved and they did nothing.  Their silence, their utter weakness, felt like it was my fault.  It was not.  It is not.  He's an idiot.  I'm better off.  The end.  The letting go was a small blessing, but a huge answer to a tough prayer to utter.  I purged my hate disguised as love and moved forward.

Turn off the Static: Growing up in Southeastern Montana meant a lot of time on the road with no radio stations.  This was the era of cassette tapes aka no smart phones or bluetooth, so it could get a little interesting if you had a long distance to drive and only so many tapes.  It was rare that I would just allow myself to drive in silence because I was always afraid I would fall asleep at the wheel because of the boredom of quiet.  Fast-forwarding to present day and I still find myself hitting patches of road here in Idaho where there are no radio stations; just static.  Even though I have my trusty iPhone with Pandora and iTunes, they only work if I have cell service which is still spotty.  Because of this fact, I now allow myself to drive in silence at times.  I allow the static to be silenced.  Our lives are like that too.  Many times we want to have the noise all the time.  Noise means our brain is focused on something else.  Noise means we don't have to cope.  Noise means masking reality.  But, if we will turn off the static in our lives and let our heart and mind drink in the peace of quiet, we will discover parts of our soul that hasn't seen the light of day in a VERY long time.  Parts of our soul that need way more nurturing than we give credit.  I found a lost part of my soul when I turned off the noise and centered back to my heart and what it really needed and it was a remarkable breakthrough for me.

Look to the Light of Family & Friends: At one point this year there were three people in my immediate family without work; I was one of them.  If you've never experienced the stress of unemployment I pray you don't have to experience it EVER.  It's rough.  It's just not pleasant.  However, it has taught me to turn to the light that is family and friends.  The list of blessings is vast, but I could not have survived without countless FaceTime calls with my Colorado loves, the GIANT warm chocolate chip cookie that showed up on my doorstep one day, the encouraging words nearly every day, and the opportunity to cry when I needed to cry.  That run-on sentence can't be broken because it truly symbolizes that I kept moving.  I kept holding on when I wanted to break up with my crappy life.  But, I didn't. I kept going.  My version of moving forward soon became known as "Ray the Neigborhood Nanny." A smidge of magical Mary Poppins, a smidge of sassy swearing sailor, a bit of old-fashioned school marm and an enabler of soda fountain mixed drinks addictions. It was the SWEET life and I felt loved and needed and that was the glue putting my pieces back together.  Plus now my besties kids LOVE me.  More than they already did.  It's awesome.  I conned my niece with the promise of Starbucks tonight!  Muwhahahahahahaha, Neighborhood Nanny is also a bit of a villain.  That's the redheaded older sister in me.

Tell Yourself, "It Will Be Ok." and Believe It: I have a sister who hates quotes on signs or the wall.  It's super trendy these days, especially in Utah, and she is a ranty rage when we ask her if she wants a quote on her dining room wall.  I, on the other hand, welcome all the wordsy reminders I can get, to help me stay calm and practice true self-care.  When I lived in Ogden, my bathroom mirror was "words of affirmation" central.  I put them in the bathroom because I spent a lot of time in there getting ready for the day and that's when I needed to remind myself that everything would be ok.  The more I walked in my bathroom and read my own affirmations out loud, the more I believed it.  The brain is a powerful tool.  It can either help or hurt you.  Now that my bathroom is a shared space and upstairs, I have my affirmations tacked on my bedroom wall and I still read them daily.  It did turn out, I did get the good job, and whoever the future baby daddy is actually supposed to be; he is out there in the universe being groomed to what I need most.  But, he better not shave off his beard or I'm folding on that birthing plan.

This little bloggy blog is my place to share some sunshine and I hope that it can continue to be that for my readers as well.  I want you all to know that we CAN face the shit storm with humor, poise and faith.  And when all else fails, just remember....

The moral of the story: You can always be the neighborhood nanny to someone and lend your time and love in times of need, both for you and them.

Until next time, my lovelies
-R

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