Harmony Say What??

Greetings, my lovelies! It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks at Chez Ray Country. As we've been closing up the final stages of winter (WOOOOOOOOOOOT!), my entire team at work got crazy sick and of course spread their germs to the boss. Guess how thrilled I was to cancel travel plans to the 'hood in exchange for a NyQuil-induced coma of grand proportions last weekend? To add to it, I've been struggling with transitional growing pains with my move and HUGE shifts that come with life changes and facing realities and blah blah blah.  AND, in case that wasn't enough I decided to dabble a bit in the sludge that is online dating.

So, here's the deal.  I HATE online dating about 90% of the time. The 10% of the time that I have maybe liked it was because I got damn lucky and had the chance to spend some quality time with great guys that were still not my soulmates. I've gone the rounds with friends about how much I hate it because they have had GREAT success with it and met the love of their life via electronic communication and it was "the best thing they ever did." My own best friend met her husband of almost 10 years that way and that was when meeting online was archaic compared to now. He's a pretty decent guy and I remember VERY well when she knew she was in love with him and that they would get married.  P.S. - he's actually one of the greatest men on the planet so I don't ever have much of an ally in her for my hate fire of that one site with the word harmony in it.

That brings me to my next point: harmony.  Who the hell puts harmony in their business name? It's a recipe for disaster if you ask me and I often wonder how harmonious all those sappy relationships on tv actually are after a few years of matrimony.  The whole concept of this particular venue is insanely frustrating for me because it involves 8 bazillion stages and if I'm bored with the mundane process of multiple choice questions I can guarantee that the type of man I enjoy being around is also bored or too busy to care and will never find me anyway. I am the kind of woman who wants to cut the crap, ask some questions to see if we may enjoy each other on a first date, and then get to the point. I'm not a dance recital, fluff promoting, superficial sweet nothings kind of lady. Either it gels or it doesn't.

Then I found this meme on social media.  BOLTS of LIGHTNING, Batman, we have a winner! I promptly posted it on my Instagram feed and had a brief ranty moment mixed with some real honesty that I truly dislike electronic communication and would much rather have a real, live, in-person conversation any day. I mean, let's be honest, I've been in the service industry for my entire career and I've been on hundreds of potentially awkward "first dates" with clients and I'm a champ at making conversation even when I want to punch them in the face.  If I don't have a human in front of me, I would much rather have a phone conversation because I can still hear them and channel their voice signals.  I'm damn good at what I do at work, but electronic communication is NOT my first choice when I'm trying to display my affection or attention and that definitely spills over into my personal life as well.

Communication.  What a beautiful word. For some people I know and love, it's nearly as scary to say out loud as that other c word that sort of sounds like omittment, but with a c.  It's really hard to use grown up words when you just want to lay on your carpet square with your spill-proof sippy cup and take a nap. I get it! But, the fact of the matter is we HAVE to communicate to get shit done.  We just do.  Today I participated in a communication and sales training for work and it was incredibly enlightening when we got to the behavior analysis segment. I've been hearing about this part of the training since I joined the company and I was anxious to take the test for myself and my team lead to see where we landed.  Much to my surprise, we were very much a yin and yang mix.  As I looked back on some specific situations he and I have weathered together, it made sense as to how we approached the issue and how we proposed an outcome.  I also took a minute to analyze a friend of mine as well as my mother and I was SPOT on for both of them.  I'd like to say that the analysis of my mother was a news flash or epiphany, but it wasn't.

The one element of this behavior test that I appreciated the most was the notion that even though we fall into these categories and some of them are a little more challenging to deal with than others (my mother) that we CAN interact with all types of people.  And how do we do that??? We have to choose different words and actions.  Gasp!  Wait what? Additionally, we may react differently in certain situations than we do in others as well as reacting at home vs. the office. I've known for a long time (basically since year 2 of my career) that I'm WAY more OCD at work than I am at home. The dream of channeling the obsessive attention to detail of paper clip type and color or optimum sticky notes dimensions will never manifest itself with folding laundry. Be that as it may, I also discovered today, that this particular behavior test was very true with my personal friendships as well as my professional relationships.  I am a talker and a supporter. I need validation.  I need your ears and your affirmation. BUT, I also want to support you and am fiercely loyal and always willing to listen and be the mamma bear, resting bitch face queen, whatever you need, when you need it.  Sound familiar to anyone who knows me well?

My point?  Know your communication style and figure it our for those you care about and whose relationships you value the most. Even though I get ranty about my mother, I really do make an effort to communicate with her in the way that she understands, but I'm also gutsy enough to tell her straight up what I need from her to make our relationship work better. THAT part of the equation is a topic for another day. But, I know that it is possible to make the relationships work when we make the effort to communicate with harmony for both of us.  And so with that I will say this..........

The moral of the story: future baby daddy will likely not be from an electronic meet up facilitated by a website advertising harmonious match-ups and that is for the greater good of humanity.

Until next time, my lovelies!

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