In My Life.

This new set of photos with the lovely Kel-Z Photography has really blown me out of the water.  It's by far the series that I am the most comfortable with and feel like I look like myself.  This particular outfit is no exception.  In fact, this outfit has a long list of stories.  The skirt basically cut off all breathing ability and we giggled a LOT as I tried to drive us around Ogden cut off lung capacity.  The belt is turned backwards because I think it looks dumb the "normal" way with this tunic from Chic Style Utah.   Last, but not least, the shoes are bad-ass-smokin hot, but were purchased in an extremely challenging period of my life.  And thus, we engage in some real talk avec Ray for this week's blog post.  

A couple of months ago I decided to deep clean the closet and donate a LOT of shoes to a non-profit that my friends run.  As I was going through my shoes I came upon these beauties.  At first glance my heart jumps a little because they are HOT.  Vintage-inspired, polka dots, peep toe, good heel.  But, in the same string of happy emotions, my heart also sinks just a tiny bit as I have a flashback with a flood of memories that are attached to these shoes.  In that moment, as I sat on my closet floor, I opted to keep them because I needed the reminder of how far I've come since they were purchased lots of years ago.  

One of my favorite Beatles hits is "In My Life."  The lyrics speak to me and it is one of those songs that I will randomly remember while I'm going about my day and sing out loud.  The lyrics I particularly love are, "There are places I remember all my life.  Though some have changed, some forever, not for better; some have gone and some remain.  All these places have their moments of lovers and friends I still can recall.  Some are dead and some are living; in my life I loved them all."  Things have changed for me; friends and loves have come and gone, but I do remember them all.  When I think about the events that surround these shoes I get teary.  Not because I'm sad that it didn't work the way I thought it was supposed to; that was impossible.  I get teary because I was STRONG in my time of weakness and I worked through it and I am a BETTER human because of it because I let God's timing take over.  

This past week I felt compelled to share my "closing remarks" from my last session of therapy with a dear friend.  It's been at least 2 years since I've read them from start to finish.  They are the kind of words that I am a-OK with staying in the past, but I haven't forgot what I wrote.  My therapist encouraged closing remarks with a series of questions that were the highlights of the goals I set to accomplish in my journey with her.  For me, it was a critical part of my healing because it forced me to really think about what we had accomplished, but what I also had in front of me as I went about my life without the security blanket of a third party helping me cope.  I've decided to share a portion of them with you today because I think this is a sentiment that many of us can relate to at some point in our life.  I can also attest to the absolute feeling of despair and mourning that I felt as I went through the process of therapy.  As you shed the shit your brain actually has to go through a process of reprogramming to adjust to life being different (even though it is better).  

"In many great movies when the film concludes the sorrowful words, "The End" stream on the screen and the viewer is done.  Done knowing what happens next and perhaps hoping for more.  However, with most stories "The End" really just means an end to THAT moment, not an end all together.  

So, here I sit celebrating that I am at the END of my time in therapy.  

It's not easy to admit you're jacked up to a complete stranger.  It actually sucks really bad and hurts like hell,  But, slowly as each layer of hate was peeled back and thrown away I got better.  For every bad thing I went through it seemed that little good things snuck their way in.  

The question has been posed to me when do you go back to loving deeply and what is the plan?  Well I don't know what the plan is.  The last 2 years were hell on earth and I had to purge some of those I loved the most out of my life because their love was toxic.  And I am here to tell you that any way you toss it up, toxic is still toxic.  

So, with a tear in my eye and a cute new outfit to boot....I say, cheers to the end because it only means a new beginning."

As soon as I copied those words in to the email for my friend I had to take a long, deep breath.  A moment to let it sink in that I HAVE improved.  I HAVE grown.  I HAVE overcome so much.  And thank God.  I thank Him every single day for The End meaning The Beginning for me.  

Not all therapists are created equal (they are still human) and I've had friends express sentiments of frustration that their attempt at therapy wasn't as successful as mine.  On the same hand, I've also had friends who have shared my sentiments that therapy was absolutely the BEST choice they've ever made because it saved their life and gave them the coping skills that they were missing and helped them move on.  If you are reading this and thinking, "I'm one of those people who HATED therapy."  Please don't give up.  Shop around.  This is your life we are talking about!  Embrace that you are in control of your happiness and healing and find your "Jenn."  She or He is out there; I promise.  

The Beatles' "In My Life" continues by saying, "And I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before.  I know I'll often stop and think about them.  In my life I loved you more.  In my life I loved you more." 

For me, the words "in my life I loved you more" are talking about me.  I HAD to love myself more and because I did, I took that leap and created a new beginning out of what seemed to be the end.  Dig deep, find that love for yourself, be brave, and have the courage to embrace the end being your new beginning.

The moral of the story:  The storms of life are REAL and will suck all the color out of life, but if we will have courage, faith and perseverance, the colors and sunshine WILL return.  In your life and in my life, love them more as we recall that they are the beginning, not the end.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Friends ARE the Spoon Full of Sugar.

Guess what, my lovelies!?  It's time for the next round of fabulous photo shoot features and blog posts with Kel-Z Photography.  I am beyond pleased with the results from this shoot and I can't wait to share my thoughts with you as well as her incredible art.

It's always a huge delimmma as to which outfit I will feature first because I love them all.  Generally, it comes down to the theme that I am going to talk about that makes the decision easy.  Such is this case this week.  First of all, can we all just stop and sigh in unison over the door in the photo above?  I have noticed that there are some pretty rad doors on the buildings in Ogden so I wanted to center some of my photos around those.  Random?  Yep!  Surprised?  You shouldn't be.  This group of photos were shot in front of the USDA Building on the corner of Adams Avenue and 25th Street here in Ogden.  Really cool building.  I was so giddy when I discovered it and that door.  Aw, the door.  The top I am wearing is from Chic Style Utah in South Ogden, UT.  It's a longtime favorite because of its simplicity and elegance.  Be sure to check them out by going HERE!

For the majority of my professional life in the service industry, I've played the game of association to remember people, places, things, events, lots of things.  I especially do this with clothes.  I remember people by the outfit and/or shoes they were wearing when I first met them or first saw them (that secret crush....aw yes.....that day....he looked so handsomer).  But, on the same hand, I also remember things with the clothing I have.  My entire closet is full of memories (LOTS of them...let's not get into that subject)  This outfit is substantially significant because it represents two of my dearest, longest friends who have done SO much for me in such small and simple ways.  And so I submit, in true Mary Poppins form, friends ARE the spoon full of sugar that makes the bitter medicine of life go down.

A couple of years ago I served on a committee for a Great Gatsby-themed charity gala in Utah County.  It was one of the greatest experiences of my life for a long list of reasons.  In the midst of all the planning for my part with the decorations, I was desperately trying to find the PERFECT outfit.  I went back and forth on the outfit options and what style I wanted.  I had told my friend Colleen that I was stressing over the outfit (normal in Ray Land) and one day I get a text from her that says "what size shoes do you wear?"  I told her and she replied, "I just found the most perfect Gatsby shoes and I am buying them and sending them in the mail tomorrow....be on the look-out.  You have to have them."  At this point, I hadn't decided which route I was going to take with the outfit, but was SO touched that she was on the look-out for the perfect shoes in Montana.  I had no idea what they looked like, but I trusted her judgement and when the box landed on my doorstep and I opened it,  I cried.  Basically, the perfect shoes, perfect fit and totally my style for everyday wear, not just for the event.  It may sound silly, but I treasure these shoes because of the thoughtfulness and genuine care of my friend that they represent.  I can absolutely attest to how hectic my friend's life is running a business, managing a household of hooligan boys and a diva dog, but she STILL makes time for her friends and these shoes are my constant proof.  How often do we take time to think outside of the box and do something for our friends that they would never ever do for themselves OR have the means to do?  

And then there was the skirt.  If you've been a die-hard fan of the blog, you may recognize it from a very early fashion feature that talked about my love for thrifting for things that I can transform from ugly to masterpiece.  When I wear this skirt I think of my Jo.  This skirt was the result of an SOS trip to Idaho to meet each other in the middle for comfort food, girl talk and thrifting....let me elaborate.  Jo and I have been BEST friends for 12 years.  We have gone to hell and back with each other.  We talk almost daily and are sisters from other misters.  Her family is my family.  We became friends while I lived in Montana and one of the other quirks I have is my passionate (ok maybe a little too dramatic...maybe not) love affair with Taco Johns.  It's cheap tex-mex and I HEART it.  They don't have these restaurants in Utah and it is my comfort food.  So silly, but the absolute truth and presents a problem when I am having a BAD day and just want to feel some normalcy again.  There is a Taco Johns in Pocatello, Idaho which is bascially half way for Jo and I so one Saturday I sent her the SOS text and said, "do you have plans today, I am getting in my car and driving to Taco Johns in Pokey, can you meet me?"  At this point in my life, that was a very out-of-character move and she dropped everything and got in her car and came to my rescue.  Do you have those friends that the minute you see them and hug them that you feel like you're not going to implode and can continue to conquer the world?  Jo is on that list.  She's simply amazing.  That day included a lot of shared feelings from both of us over potato oles and Diet Dew and then we found the local thrift store and laughed and laughed over how horribly ugly this dress was and how I would make it pretty and convert it to a skirt.  You don't believe me?  Look at the original blog post HERE.  It was crazy ugly and I wasn't wearing a lick of makeup when we did the duck face photo in the store.  We've since made one other SOS trip to Pocatello and it was full of laughing, eating and thrifting....our favorite.  I thank God daily for the blessing of this bestie of mine.  She does so many small, simple acts of kindness for everyone around her, including me.  But, I have to say that I adore the fact that she is my voice of reason and consistency that keeps me moving forward in the thick of the storm.

This wouldn't be a true post about simple acts of kindness without giving accolades to Suzy from Just Be Purses.  She has a really great Utah-based business called Just Be Purses.  I love her ability to make seemingly "weird fabric" into GORGEOUS one-of-a-kind masterpieces.  I featured her bags in my winter photo shoot and this time around I wanted to feature her clutch.  Isn't it gorgeous????!!  I was glad I found this one and even more grateful for her generosity in donating it for the photo shoot as well as a clutch that we are giving away (as shown below).  Genuinely kind people make life bearable.  Please show her some love by checking out her Facebook page HERE and go visit her booth at Logan's Summerfest next weekend!!  

The moral of the story: thank GOODNESS for friends who are the spoon full of sugar as we swallow the bitter medicine that is life at times.  They bring us sunshine, potato oles, and the perfect shoes...among a long long list of other things.  Thank yours today.  Do it.  NOW.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

  

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::GUEST BLOGGER:: Triumph Over Definition.

Note from Raylynn: I am very pleased to turn the blog over to my quirky and delightful sister, Lena, for a guest post of great proportions.  This isn't her first time on the blog and I highly recommend you check out her other post too by going HERE.  Lena is a soon-to-be senior in college in Montana and is our family's resident writer, artist, Doctor Who fan and fan girl extraordinaire.  I hope you enjoy her post as much as I do!  Be sure to check out our GIVEAWAY at the end of her blog post.  

Hello again, R’s lovelies! After making my debut on “Let it Be & Celebrate” I just couldn’t pass up a chance to make an encore appearance. It’s absolutely fantastic to be here with you all once again. Alright. now that we’ve gotten the sentimentalities out of the way, I’m just gonna go for it.

A couple years ago, I was exposed, for the first time, to a delightful young British singer named Ronan Parke. He competed on “Britain’s Got Talent” and has been developing a name for himself ever since. The centerpiece of my musings today is his song, “Defined” (I won’t feel bad if you decide to take a quick break to look it up. In fact, I hope you WILL HERE. The music video will provide an excellent visual backdrop for my thoughts). It speaks out against being labeled/stereotyped by others and feeling inferior because of it. In other words, bullying. Yep. I said it—the big, bad, B-word.

I’ve always been a passionate advocate for anti-bullying. I’ve had my fair share of it. Fortunately, it didn’t get the better of me and I continue to live my life trying to pretend it never happened. But it did. I don’t remember everything that was said/done to me, but my subconscious still does. It’s not something that can be turned off like a light switch; there’s more to it than that.

The mind of the bullied is in a near constant state of paranoia regarding their self-esteem, self-worth, and overall social acceptance. Symptoms include social awkwardness, low self-esteem, and having the need for strong, meaningful relationships. Below you will find not a textbook explanation of these symptoms, but explanations from the point of view of a survivor—from my point of view. I hope you find yourselves better educated on this life-changing epidemic infecting our society.

Symptom #1: social awkwardness. A survivor will oftentimes be afraid of social settings. They have trouble leading out in friendships and general conversations with others due to fear of saying the “wrong thing” and being rejected. Going to social events alone can be paralyzing for this very reason. Keeping to themselves is typical. However, when they find themselves in comfortable social situations, they are capable of being the life of the party.

Symptom #2: low self-esteem. A survivor is constantly questioning themselves. If they were bullied because of their physical appearance, on what part of themselves will they be particular harsh about? Anyone? Anyone? Yes, you in the back row? Very good—you are correct: their physical appearance (not exactly rocket science, is it?). Finding themselves attractive can be difficult because they were forced to believe that they are not. When such a concept is so heavily emphasized, the mind perceives it as a fact, not an opinion. Thanks to having this mindset, survivors tend to appreciate compliments even more so than what can be considered “normal.” Being assured of their beauty and worth (physically and mentally) is vital to their self-esteem. On the other side of the scale, having low self-esteem leads to the development of shoddy sarcasm filters. They may occasionally have trouble discerning the difference between sarcasm and sincerity. That being said, sarcastic remarks aimed directly at a survivor can be hurtful because they cannot tell if the one producing the remark is being serious or is “just kidding.”

Survivors find it difficult to take constructive criticism. They know that it is necessary for personal growth and know how to respond to it. However, they have to carefully monitor themselves to ensure that they don’t take it too personally, otherwise they may go into an emotional tailspin.

Symptom #3: the need for strong, meaningful relationships. More than anything, a survivor needs good relationships. They don’t need very many, but the ones they do have mean more to them than the other party/parties may ever understand. When they form strong relationships, they are willing to do anything in their power to maintain them and have no shame in being doting and affectionate. They have a constant hunger to feel wanted. Personalized attention is also extremely important. They hate being a numbered face in the crowd. They need to feel cared about.

***

As you can see, bullying has a lifelong effect. It triggers the same area of the brain that retains subconscious memories of a traumatic experience. Bullying IS a traumatic experience—an ongoing one. Why does it happen?? So many people (of all ages) struggle with being a victim of this heartless act of cruelty. I think a main reason this occurs can be attributed to a fear of the different. If it’s not “normal,” it’s not “acceptable.” Victims are therefore categorized and stereotyped. Bullies themselves may also have their own issues to work through, which can cause aggressive behavior. Cause-wise, the road runs both ways. It’s tragic.

So what can you do (hypothetically)? Tread softly and be kind to everyone. Be mindful. Be considerate. Have compassion. I can’t and won’t be defined. I live my own life. I’m free to be nothing but me. Yeah, I’m free to be ME.

***

The moral of the story: BE NICE to people.  Our differences make us unique and oh so fabulous.  Just. Be. YOU.  

Please take the time to enter our giveaway from the lovely Suzi, owner and creator of Just Be Purses in Hyrum, Utah.  An awesome, unique, one-of-a-kind clutch, with a secret surprise gift card inside, is up for grabs this week. Be sure to check out the Just Be Purses Facebook page HERE and go see them in person at Logan's SummerFest on June 18-20.  It is their only show this summer so be sure to visit!  Thank you for your continued support of our cause; I love your work & message.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R (and L, too)

Follow me on Facebook HERE, Instagram and Twitter (@beyoudesignut).

 

Beachy Reads & Sunshine Dreams.

Memorial Day has come and gone here in the 'hood which means one thing:  SUMMER!  OK, maybe three things....summer, sunshine and my BIRTHDAY!  I am such a summer baby at heart because I love anything that is related to the summer months and I especially enjoy the beach.  You're probably asking yourself, "then why the frack do you live in Ogden, Utah?"  To which I would answer, "uh....have you been to the Great Salt Lake?  We got beach."  Bazinga!  I dream of the beach almost daily and I especially dream of a vacation that includes the beach and a solid reading list and no cell service.  Just typing it makes my heart sing.  

Recently, I read a blog that I found on Twitter that addressed the topic "if I was stranded on a beach this is what I would read" or something like that....I'm not much of a reader, but when I am, I like the kinds of books that would be PERFECTO for a lazy day on the beach and the kind that I can escape in the plot and dream away.  Here is my current list for you to enjoy & maybe, just maybe, you will find one that can help you escape to beachy, sunshine dream land.  Cue twinkle music....or the sexy cabana boy with an umbrella'd drink....depending on the day.....and the dream.....

• The Girls' Guide To Hunting & Fishing by Melissa Bank:  This is at the top of the list for a reason.  It is my all-time favorite modern book and it is the plot that I instantly escape in to as soon as the heroine starts talking smack about her brother's snobby girl friend and says, "don't mean to acid rain on your parade."  I wrote a blog post all about the book and you can find it HERE.  
• Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell: This is a delightful YA read.  My lovely friend on Instagram recommended this book so I thought, why not!?  It is a sweet, but raw story of two teens who are the outcasts in their own crowd, but the perfect match for each other.  It also doesn't hurt that Eleanor is a feisty redhead.  If you have issues with the F-bomb, you may want to shy away from this one, but I'm telling you, you'll miss out on a super sweet story that is a thinker and heart warmer.  
• Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:  This non-fiction book was made famous by the movie starring Julia Roberts.  I am a weirdo and don't usually read the book before the movie like most normal people.  This was the case with Eat Pray Love and the reason I decided to read the book was purely because of the India scenes in the movie.  They were powerful and my friend who took me to see the movie said the book was ten times better than the movie so I was in.  She wasn't kidding either.  The book is enlightening and such a refreshing read.  I will also let you in on a little secret....the audio book is just as fab because Elizabeth is the person who reads it.  Talk about rejuvenating.  So if you were underwhelmed by the movie (most of us) and didn't give the book a shot, change your ways!  You'll be glad you did.  
• The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells by Andrew Sean Greer: This is the most recent addition to my list of beachy reads and I wrote about it briefly in last week's blog post HERE.  This book was a lucky find on the Under $10 iBooks list and I was hooked from the first page to the very very end.  It is a time travel novel with a twist of dealing with death and the pain that comes when untimely death occurs.  However, it also has a historical/period fiction flair and the time travel that occurs because of electric shock therapy in an effort to work through depression.  Intriguing and gripping.  The reviews were divided on Amazon and Good Reads, but I loved it.  
• Jane Austen Ruined My Life by Beth Patillo: This is a HILARIOUS book.  My sister-in-law's mom had this book in her collection and the cover and the title caught my eye.  She ended up giving me her copy and I was glad she did because I've shared it with a number of friends.  The main character is a professor and after a messy divorce and some career disappointments, she decides to head to England for some R & R.  What actually happens is she realizes that Jane Austen's depiction of relationships and love was all a load of bull and it turns her to have some internal rediscovery.  
• The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs: This is a feel-good chick book about true friendship and girlfriends who stick together.  The main character is a single mom who owns a knitting store.  She and her daughter have had a roller coaster of struggles throughout their life, but they find comfort in knitting.  They have a knitting club that joins them after hours to talk about their lives and give each other encouragement.  

and last but definitely NOT least......

• Love, Lucy by Lucille Ball: Who doesn't love a good biography and this lady loves Lucy.  I really enjoyed this book which is the only book Lucille Ball ever wrote.  Lucille Ball was ahead of her time as a woman professional, especially in Hollywood and she was very successful her entire adult life.  She was also a devoted mother and wife.  I've learned lots about her over the years as I've watched her many syndicated TV shows and the biggest fact is that she and Desi Arnaz created "I Love Lucy" because they wanted to divert the attention on their terribly strained marriage by having a comedy about a crazy redhead and her Cuban musician husband.  Luci and Desi loved each other deeply, but ultimately they were better business partners than lovers.  I wrote a blog surrounded around her famous quote, "once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."  You can read that post HERE.  

Well, there you have it.  I continue to enjoy good reads and even better dreams of the beach whilst enjoying summer in the 'hood.  I would love to hear your favorites so feel free to comment below and share!  I am grateful for books that can take me away on adventures of silliness, friendship and love.  Who can resist a small dose of Mr. Darcy mockery or an older man crush of great proportions?  I know I can't!  

The moral of the story:  Life can be a little beachy on its own so why not escape in a good read and dream of days gone by or fictional hotties who sweep their lady loves off their feet.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

We Mourn Because We Love.

About a month ago I found a book on my iBooks called "The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells."  The book peaked my interest because it was a time travel plot of a woman working through mourning of the death of her brother who passed away after a long battle with AIDS. The time travel is actually hallucinations from electric shock therapy, but she doesn't know it for quite awhile.  At first I was worried it might be a trigger for me, but it ended up being a really good healer (in an odd, semi-morbid way) and provided a raw perspective on mourning that still has me thinking.  As we prepare for Memorial Day in the United States, I thought it was only fitting that we address this life event that none of us can bypass and never quite master.  

I've read a number of books and articles over the years about the mechanics of mourning and the common denominator is always this: we mourn because we love.  Therefore, it is OK to cry and be insanely sad and angry, even when we know it was for the better.  I've also learned that mourning doesn't just address the death of a person.  It also addresses death of a relationship because of divorce, the closing of a chapter because of a career change, the death of a pet or even the mourning of childhood as a child becomes an adult.  I've had friends and family who have experienced ALL of these scenarios and it is very challenging and always comes back to: we mourn because we love.  I think the most challenging part of mourning is that we all mourn SO differently.  Since the passing of my Granddad, my Grandma has said many times to me that she recognizes that she mourns differently than her children and grandchildren and that she is always mindful of our individual challenges along with her own.  In true @beYOUdesignsut form I opened it up for my social media followers and friends to share some thoughts about their experience with mourning.  I was so moved and humbled that they were willing to share their thoughts with me.  To protect their privacy I will not include their names.

• H: "My dad passed away 9 years ago on May 28th; just before Memorial Day and his birthday.  I always think of him this time of year.  It took me a good 6 months to begin to feel somewhat normal after he died.  I was the quintessential daddy's girl and still find myself thinking about him frequently.  My mom, who had divorced him many years prior, was the one person that shared my grief in a similar manner.  This shared grief helped me get through the tough times.  It really helped talking with somebody that truly understood the sadness."

• A: "Sometimes the grief is so strong.  The only way to move forward is mourn again.  The way I mourn is to show pictures of my brother at times that I remember him most.  But my grief is always silent.
• A: "About mourning....wow.  I'm not sure I have the words to explain about grief and mourning.  There are so many things I've learned about grief since my mom died.  First of all, I had no idea how PHYSICAL grief is.  It's not just emotions.  It has full-on physical aspects that can affect you so much that they become overwhelming.  After my mom died, I had a hard time sleeping.  I often had headaches and I gained weight from the stress.  In addition, I had a hard time even caring about anything and I had VERY little patience for those around me.  Something very positive for me that has come from my grief has been seeing the "mourning with those that mourn" ideology [Mormonism] in action.  It was so comforting to have friends attend my mom's memorial service and cry with me.  Even months later, I have friends who talk to me about my mom and weep with me -- truly mourning with one who mourns: me.  But I've also seen it in my life.  I have SO much more empathy for others who have a death in their family.  I never would have had that much emotion or empathy regarding another person's loss without have gone through a similar experience myself.  It has truly been a blessing in my life to be able to mourn with other people who mourn."
• J: "I think mourning is a long process with very sudden, short-lived, truly sad moments.  My grandmother passed in January and she had been so sick.  I know she was ready and at peace so I am glad she doesn't have to suffer any more.  I didn't cry a lot when we had her funeral.  I was strong for my family and I felt a lot of peace knowing she was going to heaven.  (It is sad to leave this world, but the wonderful things to come are beyond my imagination.)  There were moments of sadness, but no lay down and cry sad times.  We really celebrated her life.  However, a couple of weeks later, someone posted something on Facebook about the slippers she made and how wonderful they had them at the cabin.  Friends of my cousin were using the slipper she made.  I was hit with insane jealousy and that they had them and I didn't.  I cried over slippers, but it was tears for the loss of the amazing woman who would never make me another pair.  It passed, but moments still come and go where you feel that loss.  Our lives continue on and we have to live in the present but the sadness of loss lurks somewhere under the surface and rears is head on occasion. 

My own personal grief experiences have all differed, but the experiences shared above really touched me because I've felt some of those same sentiments with different deaths.  I remember after my paternal grandmother had been deceased for almost 5 years that I had a total meltdown in the laundromat over QUARTERS.  She had given me her spare quarters when I was in college and at that moment, I missed her so so much as I held my sandwich bag of quarters.  Another friend's passing took a good four years for me to come to terms with.  His death was sudden and he had always been like an older brother to me.  He told me that he would be on the front row at my wedding when the time was right.  When I heard of his passing, I sobbed for months...years....that I had failed him and wasn't married when he died and didn't give him the chance to live up to his promise.  The knowledge of heaven and guardian angels has helped me work through that and I know that he will be with me in spirit when the day arrives.  A dear manager from the beginning of my career passed away suddenly a couple of years ago and I mourned quite deeply for her.  She was a HUGE inspiration and helped shape me in to an organized career woman.  I often think of her as I sip tea from the Starbucks mug she gave me for Christmas one year and when I have all my work notes in various notebooks and use her systems of "anti-post-it notes" to keep track of my day.

The moral of the story: May we share our quarters and send random mail while living the legacy of our loved ones who have passed on AND mourn with those who mourn.  One thing is for sure, it always eases the pain of others when there is a spare, caring shoulder to cry on when it is our turn.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Embrace Your Worth....ALL of it.

When I started "Let It Be & Celebrate" my intended purpose was to promote and encourage women's empowerment, fashion for all shapes and sizes and mental health.  There is so much that takes our focus away from ourselves and I have been really blessed to find healing and strength from my blog while providing the same for others worldwide.  I've written a lot about the many women that I've become dear friends with because of my Instagram account and the common denominator of all of them is the constant battle to know who they are and where they fit in.  

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be connected with women from England and New Zealand and Denver and Pocatello, I would have laughed.  Ok, maybe not so much Pocatello, but the others I definitely would have laughed.  Each of these women have had great struggles with their self worth and have overcome them in ways that have inspired me.  In particular, my friend from England, has helped me truly incorporate my new mantra "lemons to lemonade" in my life.  She has helped me time and time again with a simple text from across the ocean to tell me that my worth is far greater than the stress and drama that I was allowing in my life.  We call each other our international lemon sisters because we have BOTH had some really sour lemons that have turned to very very sweet lemonade because of our friendship and courage to keep moving forward.  

Last week I found the following quote on Pinterest, "She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines.  She was beautiful for the way she thought.  She was beautiful for that sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved.  She was beautiful for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad.  No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks.  She was beautiful deep down to her soul."

Stop the 50 point to-do list in your brain and think about that for a minute. . . . . . . . . . 

Now I'm going to type it again and force you to read it....AGAIN.  

"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines.  She was beautiful for the way she thought.  She was beautiful for that sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved.  She was beautiful for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad.  No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks.  She was beautiful deep down to her soul."

Powerful.  Hashtag truth.  Are we actually living our life that way?  It's took me a month to compose this blog post because my own self worth was broken a bit at the end of March.  I won't bore you with details, but it's taken me a solid month to come to terms with some circumstances so that I could truthfully share with you my thoughts on self-worth.  Human life is not perfect.  If you think it's going to be all the time, silly you.  Silly me!  Challenges make us stronger.  They super suck too, but they also force us to find those blessings that are hiding extra careful.  I've had to dig deep this month and have some frequent and pointed conversations with myself to assure my brain and my heart that this too shall pass and that I AM worth the wait and the right thing WILL happen in God's timing.  Period.  So. Not. Easy.  Earlier this month I was not doing so great due to a cold and lack of sleep and the list goes on and on.  My self-esteem hastily walks out the door when those two things occur and my bestie named Depression sets in quick.  I avoid being sick at all costs for this reason.  Anyway, on that Tuesday morning, I was sitting in the McDonald's parking lot trying to pull myself together and the song "Fix You" by Coldplay came on my iRadio.  I've heard and sang along with this song 100 times, but this time, it meant something different.  This time, I felt like comparing the "main character" who is attempting to fix me, to God.  Whoa, right?  The second I did that, my perspective changed.  I calmed down, I listened and I was still.  When it was over I took a screen shot of the album cover so I wouldn't forget about this moment.  A few days later, I decided to pull up the music video on YouTube.  It is an even better inspiration because it adds some visual elements that I absolutely loved.  I want each of you to take a minute to be still and watch this video and remember that God knows who you are and He LOVES you.  Even amidst the lyrics of a popular rock song we can find that reassurance that He cares and is aware of our trials and knows our worth is really far above rubies.  

The moral of the story:  our self worth and well-being is all that matters.  God knows best and He will provide a way.  

Until next time, my lovelies.  

-R

Rosie: What She Really Meant.

On April 20th, at the age of 92, Mary Doyle Keefe passed away.  To some she is just a name of someone's grandma, but to many, she was a true heroine.  Mary was the model who posed for Norman Rockwell's iconic and timeless character Rosie The Riveter.  Rosie changed the face of womanhood and equality and for me she set a standard of toughing it out during rough times and being a successful female professional against all odds.

I've always been fascinated with the history of World War II.  When I was in high school I studied the details of the war and its effect on the United States at great length.  Much of that also had to do with the fact that my grandfather was a decorated WWII air force pilot and he and my grandma would often share stories of their experiences as young adults during the war.  It was so interesting to me to know the "why" behind sugar rationing and shoes being hard to purchase...just to name a few.  But, what really intrigued me was the impact women had on the war efforts and their willingness and ability to take on careers in typically male dominated professions.

Decades later, women are still busting their way through the social barriers and glass ceilings that exist in the workplace.  Equality is a four-letter word to some employers, but to many it is a welcomed culture and those companies flourish because of their diversity.  I've been fortunate to work for some really great managers over the years and my favorites were those who encouraged the diverstiy and didn't tolerate the harrassment.  One manager in particular just celebrated her birthday this week.  Heidi was my manager during an extremely tough time of life.  She was the manager that sat me down many times and said, "you will get your success, keep working at it."  She was also the manager that finally kicked my butt into high gear to go to therapy and get past my issues.  To this day, I count my LUCKY STARS that I had that job because it meant that I had my Heid to inspire me, support me and encourage me to step out of my comfort zone and have the courage to fight for my right to succeed in the career world.

On my Facebook page I posed the question, "What does Rosie the Riveter symbolize for you?"  The answers I received were really really inspiring.  Thank you to these women for sharing their thoughts

• When i was a working mom, I had small children at home, and I helped to support my family while my husband attended school. I worked to oversee the recycling program for our community of 19 cities and unincorporated areas. We changed over to a mandatory curbside recycling program in our community and I was over the project to deliver and track that every home received a curbside bin. I was the only woman working in our office at the time, and was over a team of men to get the assignment done. It took 2 years to complete and we often worked 60- 70 hr. weeks to accomplish this. when the project was complete, my team of all men, had this poster of Rosie the Riveter framed and signed by all of them, and gave it to me to hang in my office for what they said was a job well done. It was by far the best compliment I ever received. I am now a stay at home mom, and it now hangs in my home office. A great reminder of how hard working women can make a difference in whatever we do.

• I'm going with sass and that I can do anything you can do mentality. Except I'll be honest and say I don't mind not doing everything myself. Middle child syndrome?

• That i am stronger than I think. 

• I can bring home the bacon... fry it up in the pan... and never ever let you forget your a man...

• My momma. She died a week ago. She could do anything.

• I can do it! Take some muscle and get it done just like all the women before you did!

How incredible are these?  I may have shed a few tears as I read their responses while I was preparing this blog post.  These comments come from women who I know and from women who I will never meet, but they touched my heart.  One of them is a dear friend who sent her sweet babe to heaven just minutes after she was born.  Another is my friend who has seen some pretty substantial challenges in her career this year and she has overcome a lot to become a published authoress in the midst of it.

I am so grateful for the women who came before me, including a grandmother who taught school while her husband flew war planes in Europe and another grandmother who raised 6 hooligan children (5 boys, 1 girl - my mother) at a very young age and is now a champion of champions as she works through her own mourning process.  I am inspired and lifted by their examples and love.  I have much to be grateful for in my time of trial and I know that this curveball will actually throw me into something greater and more spectacular.

The moral of the story:  We CAN do hard things.  Absolutely we can.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R