Love Is Happy.

Is it just me or is February the other F word for a few of you? I can't say that I particularly enjoy it myself for an extensive list of reasons that starts with winter is stupid and the 14th is that 1st quarter conspiracy holiday.  Now, don't get me wrong, I can't get enough of pink and red, roses, hand dipped chocolates and boxes of conversation hearts that bust my teeth, but it gets old pretending like the oozing blah blah blah is fun and that I should expect all those gifts listed above on THAT day more than any OTHER day.  So let's muse for a minute.

I've often brought up the subject of love on le bloggy blog. I've talked about how those three little words are some of the hardest words for some people to say audibly.  I've also talked about loving ourselves and taking care of our needs in the midst of hard times. But, I haven't really talked about it from the perspective of the profoundest love experts around and those are the little people. Have you ever had the chance to sit at a table of 5 year olds and listen to their version of life and living and loving? Compelling stuff. I had the chance to learn a whole lotta something while I was doing service in the Land o' Kindergarten in Utah. So, that got me thinking; what would the little people say about love?  And more specifically, what would MY little loves aka my ruffian, goofy nephews tell me that love meant to them?  What emerged was some of the sweetest, cutest and totally hysterical responses and I hearted all of them.  So, what's their opinion on this important matter?  Well....read on and find out.

Love is huggin' and kissin' according to all of them in their exact words.  It was a unanimous decision that love means you hug and you kiss. I can work with this! And I concur!  The huggin' and the kissin' is AWESOME when you love someone. Sometimes you have a little more huggin' than kissin' and it's OK. Hugs all around as far as I'm concerned and smoochies (S family dialect for mauling with kisses) for those we care about most or brothers who we want to embarrass the hell out of with a sloppy wet one on the cheek when he least expects it.

Love is happy.  And then the aunt's heart melted because their cute little faces said love is happy almost in unison.  Love IS happy! I am not a unicorns and rainbow blogger and going to fill you with the crap that love is EASY. Love takes a LOT of work and sometimes, as nephew #3 so eloquently chimed in, love is sad. Sending your love to heaven is super duper sad. Tough love is way sad. Tough love is not fun, especially when you have to walk away from someone because they are sucking the life out of you and making you bat shit cray. But!  Love IS happy and when the laughter, joy and trust is present, the happiness overflows.  I will also submit to you that if you are in a situation that you THINK is love and you are constantly sad, please get help and/or get out.  Please evaluate the root of your sadness and have the courage to make a change. That change may include some tough love of walking away, but I know you can do it!

Love is to be kind. I openly admit that my oldest nephew melts my heart with his tenderness and attention to the well-being of others. I didn't say he's my favorite, but he is so so much like my side of the family, specifically my dad, in that he truly cares and LOVES everyone. He remembers people's names and their life stories and he wants to know about everything. It made me smile that his version of love was to be kind. Amen and amen, my love. There is entirely too much hate in this world and it boils my blood when people are bullies and bigots because someone is different than they are. What the hell, people? Did you not learn the song, "Jesus Said Love Everyone?" Oh wait....that's a Mormon thing....scratch that. That song is a real thing and the title is just as the song goes. We need to love EVERYONE. I've been on a NetFlix binge the last couple of weeks that somehow roped in a lot of WWII movies. I'm fascinated by the history of that war, but I've watched a lot of movies that portrayed the other side of the war, namely the extreme racism and hate for groups of people that was completely unjustified. We can show infinite amounts of love just by smiling at a stranger and saying thank you to someone who least expects it. Kindness does not mean bravado, nor does it mean a marriage proposal.  Gasp..... We are all fighting a fight within our souls, play nice in the sandbox of life would ya?

Love is giving them a card and toys.  As the video interview continued they got progressively more silly. Surprised?  3 boys under the age of 6 being silly?  What?  No way.  My sister-in-law managed to catch nephew #2 saying that love meant buying them a card and toys. Ha! I love it. Definitely an answer from a kiddo, but let's be honest, I love handwritten cards so very much and if toys translates to Tiffany's then I'm SO IN!  However, I kind of wish that I could still construct a gaudy, yet super creative valentine box and have people put the itty bitty cheesy valentines in it. In fact, I would so love if a future sweetheart did just that on good old V Day.  He might win more points than some fancy pants dinner that requires I wear pants and make-up.....we can do that any day. Future Mr. @beYOUdesignsUT is still incognito, but I really appreciate it when someone is thoughtful enough to send me a handwritten note of any kind.  A sentimental old school hippie.  That's me.  I really do want peace and love....and pizza....oh wait....wrong topic....squirrel!

I hope that each and every one of us can find much to be happy about when the topic of love comes up in conversation and all over the media during the F month. No wearing black and a veil on February 14th, but you don't necessarily have to bust out your cupid get-up either. Love because you get to love. Love like it is a gift because it is a gift. Love can be your sunshine on a cloudy, cranky ass moody day. And if you still can't find anything to smile about just remember this.....the nephews' parting words on what love meant to them were this.... "love is lots of spanks."  Cue the giggling.  You're welcome.

The moral of the story: Love is the breath of life and the greatest test of life. Follow your heart; it will never ever let you down.

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

Whisper words of wisdom....

Last week I attended a women's business summit for my day job.  I've been looking forward to it since I signed up because I knew that having that many business women in one room was going to be electric and life-changing and that it was.  The biggest plus to conferences held by this company is the way they facilitate networking.  They have four break-out groups in a day and each is with different women and guided questions.  In preparation for the event, I read through my booklet and I knew what questions I was going to be answering with these women.  Phew.  They were deep.  But I live for deep.  I really do.  Quit the bullshit and tell me how you really feel, please.  So, going in, I knew this was going to bring out some vulnerability in me and there would likely be tears.  UGH.  Crying in public...something I try to avoid at all cost.  Breathe in, breath out, self.  It's just salty water coming out of your eyeballs and not the end of the world. 

The day came and groups started out going as planned.  Connections were made and I was feeling good.  Then break-out group numero 2 happened.  To say it was uncomfortable is an understatement.  The particular question for this group really spoke to me on a personal level so I put down my emotional wall and I voiced my concern (one that is on-going and deeply frustrating).  UGH.  Those women ATE.ME.ALIVE.  And not intentionally, but I just so happened to be at a table with a very Molly Utah Mormon woman and a very feminist, hippie woman.  Talk about getting it from both sides of the spectrum.  Holy moly.  However, one of my darling business associates was sitting next to me and after the group ended she pulled me aside, and said, "I know what you're going through.  I've been there.  Hang with it.  They will come back to you for being the constant in their life."  BIG SIGH OF RELIEF.  She and I have since exchanged a follow-up email and once again she said exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.  Bless her.  Bless her so very much. 

After lunch went down a little bit different.  Break-out group numero 3 was probably the most diverse group of women I met with all day.  A women's studies major/pilates studio owner, a community-trade jewelry company owner, a banker, a mom/super blogger, a quietly powerful woman, and me.  Here we go.  The conversation started out slow, but picked up speed.  When we arrived to the next question, it got quiet.  The question was this: What do you believe is the one true note you were destined to sing?  How do you help others find theirs? Crickets.... And then the banker started to talk.  With every bit of honesty in her heart she said, "I don't know what my song would be."  *speechless Raylynn*  At this point, I wanted to cry because my heart ached for someone her age who didn't know what her mantra or song really was.  How could someone go through life in a state of not knowing what they were destined to share with others?  And then the moment happened.  One that I will NEVER forget.  Earlier, she had told us that she was the proud mother of one daughter.  So, I said to her, "Ok,---, I want to ask you a question.  If your daughter was to call you RIGHT NOW, in tears, and stressed about life and the world, what would you tell her?"  Yep, I really said that out loud to a stranger.  And I looked her straight in the eye, cuz that's not intimidating at all.  And then the tears.  Not mine--HERS!  Oh crap, I made her cry.  Nope, I broke down her wall.  After thinking about it through tears she said, "I would tell her, "it's just stuff."  She then proceeded to tell us that her daughter has struggled deeply with depression and self-hate and bullying and that many times she has had to remind her that it is all stuff and that her mamma still loved her the most. 

At this point I shared with the group my song/mantra and that is "let it be and celebrate."  For my veteran blog followers and anyone who actually reads the title of le blog you will know that it's a big deal for me.  A montage of some really hard life lessons that I've learned as an adult.  When I shared that this was my song, I challenged each of the women to Google the lyrics of the classic Beatles hit, "Let It Be" and read every single word.  This song has an incredible story behind it.  It was mostly written by Paul McCartney and "Mary" was his mother.  She died when he was a young boy and he always missed her deeply.... Still does, I'm sure.  His oldest daughter is named after her.  He wrote this song as a tribute to her and a way to channel his on-going grieving.  I challenge all of you to do the same; read the lyrics...every single word.  Here is my favorite verse...verse 3. 

Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Yeah let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. 

And so I will say to each and every one of you, there IS still a light that shines on AND in you.  And you DO have a song to sing.  I know it!  And as hard as it may be some days to dig through the shit and muck of life; the realities of death, the rough patches in relationships, the stresses of careers, and the children who just will NOT listen or go to bed on time, there is still a light that shines so let it be and celebrate. 

The moral of the story:  There will be an answer, let it be. 

Until next time, my lovelies. 

-R