Static: Tune It Out.

Time has a way of flying by at warp speed and I don't realize how fast my spaceship of crazy is actually going until I look at a calendar and let it all sink in.  To say life has been hectic since last we met, is an understatement.  I am a broken record.  Much of my blog in the last 18 months coincided with some really challenging times as a grown-up.  Adulting sucks at times and finding reasons to love and appreciate trials is basically the hardest thing you can have handed to you.  And the longer those trials drag on, the harder it gets.  But, I've learned a few new coping skills that I want to share with all of you so that maybe one of you, maybe more, will take comfort in my crazy and know that there is sunshine on the other side of that shit storm you feel like is NEVER GOING TO END.  

Small Blessings Are Huge Answers to Prayers: I am so grateful to know that I can pray to a God who I know is aware of me and loves me, in spite of my long list of imperfections.  Even when I'm making choices that some might raise their eyebrows at, He is always right there by my side, quietly guiding my footsteps towards my destiny. When I chose to uproot my life in Utah, I knew that the transition was going to be hard.  But, that was when I had it all mapped out and everything was planned in a perfect little way and I could handle THAT.  Well, then my plot had a big fat twist in it and everything went exactly the opposite of what I thought I wanted.  Little did I know that this breaking of my perfect pieces meant that I could be put back together and healed.  I beat myself up over finally being honest with someone who I thought I loved and they did nothing.  Their silence, their utter weakness, felt like it was my fault.  It was not.  It is not.  He's an idiot.  I'm better off.  The end.  The letting go was a small blessing, but a huge answer to a tough prayer to utter.  I purged my hate disguised as love and moved forward.

Turn off the Static: Growing up in Southeastern Montana meant a lot of time on the road with no radio stations.  This was the era of cassette tapes aka no smart phones or bluetooth, so it could get a little interesting if you had a long distance to drive and only so many tapes.  It was rare that I would just allow myself to drive in silence because I was always afraid I would fall asleep at the wheel because of the boredom of quiet.  Fast-forwarding to present day and I still find myself hitting patches of road here in Idaho where there are no radio stations; just static.  Even though I have my trusty iPhone with Pandora and iTunes, they only work if I have cell service which is still spotty.  Because of this fact, I now allow myself to drive in silence at times.  I allow the static to be silenced.  Our lives are like that too.  Many times we want to have the noise all the time.  Noise means our brain is focused on something else.  Noise means we don't have to cope.  Noise means masking reality.  But, if we will turn off the static in our lives and let our heart and mind drink in the peace of quiet, we will discover parts of our soul that hasn't seen the light of day in a VERY long time.  Parts of our soul that need way more nurturing than we give credit.  I found a lost part of my soul when I turned off the noise and centered back to my heart and what it really needed and it was a remarkable breakthrough for me.

Look to the Light of Family & Friends: At one point this year there were three people in my immediate family without work; I was one of them.  If you've never experienced the stress of unemployment I pray you don't have to experience it EVER.  It's rough.  It's just not pleasant.  However, it has taught me to turn to the light that is family and friends.  The list of blessings is vast, but I could not have survived without countless FaceTime calls with my Colorado loves, the GIANT warm chocolate chip cookie that showed up on my doorstep one day, the encouraging words nearly every day, and the opportunity to cry when I needed to cry.  That run-on sentence can't be broken because it truly symbolizes that I kept moving.  I kept holding on when I wanted to break up with my crappy life.  But, I didn't. I kept going.  My version of moving forward soon became known as "Ray the Neigborhood Nanny." A smidge of magical Mary Poppins, a smidge of sassy swearing sailor, a bit of old-fashioned school marm and an enabler of soda fountain mixed drinks addictions. It was the SWEET life and I felt loved and needed and that was the glue putting my pieces back together.  Plus now my besties kids LOVE me.  More than they already did.  It's awesome.  I conned my niece with the promise of Starbucks tonight!  Muwhahahahahahaha, Neighborhood Nanny is also a bit of a villain.  That's the redheaded older sister in me.

Tell Yourself, "It Will Be Ok." and Believe It: I have a sister who hates quotes on signs or the wall.  It's super trendy these days, especially in Utah, and she is a ranty rage when we ask her if she wants a quote on her dining room wall.  I, on the other hand, welcome all the wordsy reminders I can get, to help me stay calm and practice true self-care.  When I lived in Ogden, my bathroom mirror was "words of affirmation" central.  I put them in the bathroom because I spent a lot of time in there getting ready for the day and that's when I needed to remind myself that everything would be ok.  The more I walked in my bathroom and read my own affirmations out loud, the more I believed it.  The brain is a powerful tool.  It can either help or hurt you.  Now that my bathroom is a shared space and upstairs, I have my affirmations tacked on my bedroom wall and I still read them daily.  It did turn out, I did get the good job, and whoever the future baby daddy is actually supposed to be; he is out there in the universe being groomed to what I need most.  But, he better not shave off his beard or I'm folding on that birthing plan.

This little bloggy blog is my place to share some sunshine and I hope that it can continue to be that for my readers as well.  I want you all to know that we CAN face the shit storm with humor, poise and faith.  And when all else fails, just remember....

The moral of the story: You can always be the neighborhood nanny to someone and lend your time and love in times of need, both for you and them.

Until next time, my lovelies
-R

Be sure to check out the biz side of "Let It Be & Celebrate" by visiting www.beyoudesignsut.co

The Road Less Traveled.

In the poem “The Road Not Taken” Robert Frost penned the following, “two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth; then took the other, as just as fair, and having the better claim because it was grassy and wanted wear; though as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same.”

This poem has always spoke to me and this year I have felt some aftermath of taking the road that seemed fairer because the grass was greener and appeared to have less wear.  This year has been intense and emotional behind the scenes. Don’t get me wrong; I have been immensely blessed, but the challenges have kept their front row seats for a good chunk of this year.

Two months after my granddad passed away, I was thrown in to the darkness of unemployment and it was a really sad and challenging reality to face.  I loved my job and my boss was one of my best ever, but the timing was off for a number of reasons and it was decided that I needed to embark on a new adventure.  Sword to my heart, but what do you do?  When I took this particular job, I left an 11 year career in an industry that nearly sucked the life and love out of me.  I thrived in it, made great money, had awesome contacts and friends, but the stress was so astronomical that I made the choice for my family of one to join an industry that was much more my forte and made me happy.  What transpired in my next job was a true experience of growth, acceptance that it was for a short time in my life path, but it also had a list of blessings that were added to my life. I was given a task that was challenging and tedious, but equally rewarding.  I felt like I was doing the right thing by taking this road. I took a risk in my career and chose the road less traveled after having been on the grassy, fair path. It was hard, but it was happy and successful as well. 

In the midst of all my adventures, I decided that when I finally came out of the forest of unemployment sadness and stress, I would reward myself with a grand costume adventure this Halloween.  In my last post I talked about geekery and its beauty and this is where mine comes in to play.  I LOVE HALLOWEEN. When I was a kid, my siblings and I looked forward to Halloween and always had fabulous costumes.  This has carried over in to my adult life and Utah is the mecca of Halloween celebration so this feeds my love.  Last year I purchased a pattern with the hopes of being Red Riding Hood.  Life happened and I ended up putting it on the back burner for 2015.  Then I lost my job, was poor indefinitely and didn’t know if I was going to work for someone who even celebrated the holiday.  Fast forward to September when I was presented with an offer with a company that not only celebrates Halloween, but STOPS all business to party for an entire day. I am in heaven.

I was lucky enough to have an awesome artistic posse this year to create my dream costume also known as #RayRidingHood2015.  My costume was custom designed (a joint collaboration) by me and Crystal from Anubis Creations in Salt Lake.  I did NOT want a cape.  I wanted it as a lace-up bodice and all one piece and the “Lord of The Rings” massive hood in red velveteen.  That is exactly what I got.

I also wanted to have a petticoat and was lucky enough to find a black number that is made in the USA from Endless Indulgence on Historical 25th Street in Ogden.  In case it wasn’t cool enough already, I decided that I needed bad ass red shoes and I picked those up at Endless Indulgence as well.

Last, but certainly not least, was the mask.  I STRESS about never having a male counterpart for Halloween.  It’s so insanely dumb, but it’s a total girl moment that I have almost every single damn year.  I briefly voiced this concern to my friend Amanda from Artisan Maskers and she said, “um I will make you a gorgeous, one-of-a-kind wolf mask and you will be both.”  Sold. Feminist independence for the win!  She is so talented and I am honored to wear such a beautiful piece of artwork on my face.

As Kelsey and I were shooting the photos at Union Station in Ogden I got very introspective and borderline emotional when we looked in to the sunset and dual train tracks and the choice of paths before us.  This has been my life this year!  It has been a constant battle of choices, mistakes and heartache, but then getting back on track and finding happiness and my zen again.

The last paragraph of Robert Frost’s poem is powerful and inspires me.  It says, “I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence; two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.” 

It truly made all the difference in my life to take the road less traveled last July when I made the choice to leave a toxic situation and move towards my ultimate happiness in a new career.  Even though there was still sadness and struggle, the end result is the RIGHT result for me and that is the difference that matters.  We can do hard things, my lovelies.  We can achieve goals and trudge through trial even when we think it is UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE.

The moral of the story:  Fear not to take the road less traveled.  It is the road that leads to personal growth and a whirlwind of adventure.

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Timing and Transition.

I am grateful to know myself well enough to understand that I SUCK at change and I SUCK at transition. Pretty early on in my hell-on-earth closing chapter of the last job I spent some bitterly angry and sad days. In the midst of this I had a text conversation with one of my amazing friends. He knows me well and he knows that I damn near kill over to do the right thing, but I was a MESS. I don't remember what preceded his comment, but I do remember the looming reality that I may have to leave Ogden which was killing my insides. And then he sent the message above. To say it was perfect timing is an understatement. It was life changing. It changed how I approached finding a new job and dealing with my job at the time. The other great side of this story was when I was able to dish some of his own medicine when he was having a particularly ick day with his job. So I will say this: Timing is everything. I know it is bitterly hard to trust in the timing but then things happen and you think, "holy moly, there it is. The moment I've been waiting for."

So what's my deal with transition? Ya... I go a little batty. I always have, always will. I remember when I moved to Ogden I had a conversation with my therapist prior to the move and she said to me, "you know you struggle with transition so just tell yourself you're giving yourself 6 months to adjust." This round of transition has been one of my odder experiences. I left an 11 year career, took a BIG step in the dark and it has not been easy. It hasn't been hell either, but I know myself and my limitations. Last week I posted this on my Instagram 

If you've seen the film you know that Tom Hanks character, Jimmy, yells this at his team. It's one of those moments when I always do a reality check and laugh and think, "what a damn jerk!" And then I get all philosophical with myself. To me, "no crying in baseball" means toughing the crap days. And when there is transition in my world there are exponentially more crap days. But, I work through it and I slap a smile on my face and remember that I am a tough lady and I can do just about anything. . . Well almost everything.... I still can't ski. *random side note* But, I am finally to a point with this job that I am feeling my mojo return. And what happens when my mojo returns? I come back to earth. And coming back to earth also means I cook again! Ya! I'm a cook! And a damn good one! Oh and my oven still works! I got proof! Cheeeeeeeeck it out! 

It's been a good week of home cooking and seeing the fruits of my hard work at the office paying off. And lunching with good friends, including the one who said the pivotal advice. Those who need to be in my life, for whatever reason, are still there and those who were holding me back are gone. And it is ok. 

The moral of the story: transition is inevitable but not impossible to push through in order to come back to earth. 

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R