The Atlas of Love.

In life it is either feast or famine for me.  I'm a hopeless cause for balance some days and sometimes I just throw all care and worry to the wind and tell myself "it could be worse, I could be a dangerous addict of some kind."  Might sound a bit harsh, but I find it rather amusing (most days).  In the last year I have read more books than I have in the last 5 years.  College fried my brain and my love for reading and it has taken me this long (10+years) to recover and find my reading bug again.  While I was exiting my last career, the stress was SO HIGH.  I would come home at night and want to crawl in a ball and cry, but knew that wasn't always the answer.  I started to see some great book recommendations on Instagram and Facebook and started to read again on my iPad.  I'm a big dork about reading and if it makes my eyes hurt or I can't see the words, I won't do it. **old lady status** The beauty of my iPad is a bright, back light that means I can read in my bed, in the dark.  Perfection.  The last two books I read have been actual hard-copy books, but only because of a random chain of events, including a new light bulb in my lamp.....don't ask.....  The first book I am going to save for a 2nd edition of Beachy Reads & Sunshine Dreams, but the second gets its own post.  Read on, my lovelies!

Do you ever walk into the dollar store and stroll past the books and wonder if it's all crap or if there might be something worth reading hiding in the pile that will only cost you a buck?  On occasion I do, and the last time this happened was when in Idaho visiting my Jo bestie.  She was picking up a few items at the dollar store and the books were in the front of the store...bonus!  I started to dig through them and this book popped out at me.  As you know from my post about Sarah Boucher's book, "Becoming Beauty", I am a sucker for a pretty cover.  I shout praises to authors who have publishers with art departments that know what their doing with cover art.  I mean, I'm only one person, but I take the cover in to serious consideration when deciding whether or not to read a book. 

The front of the book says the following, "This story of women's friendships and redefining 'family' flows with lovely writing."  I could end my review right now because the person who said it was spot on.  But, I'm not!  

There were five themes in this book that I want to briefly address.  They are: friendship, faith, fear, family and love.  

Friendship:  The Atlas of Love is centered around the friendship of 3 graduate students in Seattle.  Talk about three different personalities and family structures too.  The reader quickly realizes that opposites do attract and these three girls are miraculously besties because they are SO different.  The biggest irony of this book is that one of the main characters is Mormon and she's kind of a weirdo.  I can say that because I was raised Mormon and I could tell that the author was very well-versed in her quirky Mormon.  Still so funny, but probably more so because I could relate to it better and have known LOTS of women over the years very similar to this character....let's just leave it there.  The entire premise of this book is friendship through thick, thin, sad, happy, angry and repeat over and over.  

Faith:  As I said earlier, there is a blatant reference to faith because of the Mormon main character, but she does not dominate the faith discussion.  Throughout the book, there is much deliberation about faith in life, faith in God, faith in humanity and faith in what is meant to happen.  Who can relate to that more often than you care to admit?  **pick me, pick me**

Fear:  This book involves a baby.  It involves a baby that is a BIG surprise and thus enters a boat load of fear from numerous characters.  How do you process when life throws you a curve ball that you didn't see coming?  How do you process when life throws you a curve ball that you DID see coming?  That's the toughie for me personally.  Knowing that the end is inevitable because the writing is on the wall so you brace yourself for the impact.  Fear of the future presents itself in numerous forms throughout the book as they deal with an unexpected pregnancy, some broken loves, balancing life and the mourning and coping that goes along with it.  

Family: As I quoted above, the book talks about redefining family.  Without giving too much away (ok, I'll give away as much is on the back cover), these three girls take on the raising of the baby boy who is named Atlas.  They affectionately call it tri-parenting and it sort of works.  They are all insanely busy graduate students so they make the decision that the only way this little boy can have a relatively normal life, given the circumstances, is for them to commit to be mothers together.  It really is a heartwarming and delightful concept in theory, but they soon find that the mamma bear a.k.a. she who cooked and birthed said child is still the final say in all decisions made about Atlas.  One of the things that really touched my heart was the passion that came from the two friends who weren't the biological mothers, but dedicated their lives as if they were his mother.  In addition to their commitment to this little boy, their families also committed to being adoptive grandparents and everything that accompanied these roles.  I related well because I am the proud adoptive aunt of lots of little people who I fiercely love as much as my biological nephews and niece.  Motherhood hasn't been my adventure yet and I am so grateful for the little humans who call me Auntie Ray who aren't biological, but who I love like they were from day one.  

Love: The backbone of any great story is love and this is no exception.  Love is kind, love is selfless, love is patient and love is tough.  And when I say tough, I mean both kinds--the enduring and the challenging.  I know from personal experience that the more deeply we love the more deeply we hurt.  It seriously sucks when it doesn't go in our favor, but it is also the most rewarding and beautiful gift to have in life.  My heart runneth over when I see the beautiful, giggly faces of my nephews and niece via FaceTime and even more so when I get barrel-hugged (a real word) when I see them in person.  The human heart and soul has infinite capacity to love if we will let it.  I will be the first to admit that I am one who can easily put my heart in the deep freeze and let it sit on ice for an indefinite time, but I don't like how it makes me feel.  I want to love and be loved, thus I take risks and embrace my ability to feel the way I feel and live life as it comes.  

The quote above is near the end of the book and it really inspired me.  Not too long ago I referenced "The End" really meaning "The Beginning" and I think this quote attests to that as well.  When we have loved then we can come to the close of a moment and begin the next set of amazing moments.  Love is our focus.  Love can and will continue to reclaim us if we will let it.  And just as this quote says there will be anger AND love, with hefty helpings of both, but love will always win.  I will say it again....love will win if we LET it.  Anger is hella toxic and it can eat you alive and burn your insides if you let it.  Take the time to let friendship, faith, family and love heal your heart because when love is in the air, the next chapter is about to begin.  

The moral of the story:  All you need is love.  The Fab Four knew what they were talking about.  Trust it and let it reclaim you.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

This Way to Adventure.

The late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."  I have to admit that I've been at a loss for the right words for this post.  I've known the title for probably two months, but no words.  Life has a way of testing my patience and it's safe to say that I'm in that moment right now with my current adventure.  But!  I can also say that the blessings are PLENTIFUL.  I am so grateful for the rays of sunshine that surround me and offer random pep talk text messages, inspirational quotes on my Facebook page, dinners, amusement park adventures (more on that later) and the list goes on and on.  

Throughout my career I've always had a mantra of "anything is possible with a good pair of red shoes."  My friend's father once told me that he didn't like red shoes because that's what the hookers in Puerto Rico wore when he was a kid.  Nonetheless, I've always felt great power in a good pair of red shoes.  How many times do we have a day that we think, "huh, how about I stay in my bed, firmly planted under the covers, and the grown-upping ceases?"  I've had them a few too many days in my life, but some of the BEST days I've experienced have been those when I kicked myself out of bed, got dressed, threw on my red shoes and showed up.  It's not easy.  I've talked about my bestie relationship with a thing called depression and one thing that is a consistent is this: the days you want to stay in bed and give the hell up are the days you need to get out of bed the MOST and move and be active.  It is seriously the biggest, most painful paradox, but it's true.  Get that blood flowing and force your brain to think about things other than the suckiness of your life and find the sunshine.  

Faith in the unknown is an on-going battle for me.  I'm a planner, a doer, a giver and a lady who likes to have a clear idea of where I'm headed next.  A wise friend gave me the advice that I need to "breathe and trust" and let life happen.  Phew!  Wait, what?  You want me to settle down and trust?  Whoa, whoa the faith train has pulled into town and I have been issued a first-class ticket.  It's so simple and I'm here to say, it works.  As I calm down, I tend to think more clearly and see those small and simple blessings that are right in front of my face. . . and then there was the day I let my bestie talk me into something completely c-razy, but it proved a fierce point that I needed re-enforced: I can do scary things.  

See this photo?  To some it may look like a 'gorgeous Utah sunset' but to me it is pure and utter craziness because I was standing in line to get on this nutso roller coaster at Lagoon.  Behold, the white roller coaster of death.  The rickety, scary-as-hell, oldest, made-of-wood roller coaster.  My Lu bestie came to visit this last weekend and she had passes to Lagoon for her company summer party that she shared for my birthday adventure present.  I'm a lost cause at amusement parks.  I have a weak stomach, issues with heights and the attention span of a 5 year-old while waiting in line.  However, I also know that I don't die when I'm under the influence of Dramamine and if I calm down and close my eyes (total child) I do actually have fun.  So, little by little she got me to go on crazy-ish rides.  When she suggested the white roller coaster I thought, "why the hell not?  I won't die.  I might come close, but I won't die."  So crazy that I did it and I am pretty sure I was more entertaining for her as I tried to not wet myself or cry or both.  But!  I DID IT!  I so totally did it and I walked away feeling like a champ because I overcame a serious amount of fear.  As I was walking like a drunken sailor to the concession stand for my free Diet Coke (WINNING!) I said to her, "you do realize this is going in my next blog post?"  So there you go.  Laugh amongst yourselves that I even told you about it. 

So, back to the real photos....I had so much fun shooting this outfit with Kelsey.  It had a vintage, sassy flair...which shouldn't surprise any of you.  The cardigan is from college (a LONG time ago) and I refuse to get rid of it.  The dress was a great D.I. find, the necklace is from Chic Style Utah and the shoes were on sale at PayLess.

What I love about life is that sometimes the best coping mechanism is wearing a good pair of red shoes and throwing on those sunnies to have a moment to breathe while no one is looking in your eyes to see the real story.  We can't wear our sunnies all the time, but we can sure take a break and look hot whilst letting ourselves breathe and trust.

So, here I am in the middle of the road.  Which adventure next?  Which staircase should I take?  At this very second I don't know the answer, but I know that life keeps moving forward and the blessings keep falling out of the sky and I continue to keep a straight path in sight and a smile on my face.

The moral of the story:  Life will always have a new adventure for us to tackle, but the good news is: we CAN do scary things and we DO live to tell about it!

Until next time, my lovelies!
-R

::GUEST BLOGGER:: Independence.

Note from Raylynn:

Happy 4th of July, my lovelies!  I am honored and very pleased to turn the blog over to Ashley Merical as she shares her perspective on being the daughter of a soldier and the sacrifices her family has made for our freedom.  I grew up with Ashley's stepmother in Miles City, Montana and I could not be more humbled to share this with all of you.  Freedom ALWAYS comes at a price for someone.  God Bless our America and those who have kept it free.  Until next time, my lovelies!  -R

Independence means something different to everyone. However, when speaking of the independence of our great nation most agree that independence means we get to choose the lives we lead and make our own choices. Every Fourth of July our nation is seen shooting fireworks, having parties and parades to celebrate our independence. Although who pays the price for this sweet freedom? This freedom comes at no cost to many Americans, however for the families of the men and women in our military; this freedom means something very different. This means sacrifice, dedication and fear. Some might even say that their freedom tastes sweeter because they know what it costs to maintain this independence most take for granted. Whether you agree or disagree with the reasons we are still in this war is irrelevant. The soldiers who fight this battle do not choose why, they do not even choose when, these choices are made by the government, not the soldier.

These men and women choose loyalty to their country above all else, even above family. My father Kord Merical was deployed to Afghanistan April of 2012; this story is insight to how his deployment affected our family, as told from my point of view. Though my father did not pay the ultimate price for freedom, he still paid a cost greater than many know.  I would like to dedicate this piece to every military family and say thank you, I know how hard it can be to serve your country.

Kord Merical served in the United States Marine Corps from 1989-1993. During this time Kord was deployed to Iraq. Once the end his four years were up on his enlistment Kord chose not to re-enlist because he wanted to be a family man and the Marine Corps demanded too much time.  Fast forward about 14 years later and Kord enlisted in the National Guard.  He always had a passion for the military and he felt that the National Guard would not require as much of his time as the Marine Corps. However, as the war in the Middle East continued, more and more of our soldiers from all branches were beginning to be called to battle.

I am Kord’s oldest daughter; I was the oldest child still living at home at the time of his deployment. It was the end of my junior year of high school when he had to leave. I will never forget that day. The way it felt. I have never felt so much pressure through the entire core of my body. There is no lower feeling in the world than watching your hero walk onto a plane and wondering if you will ever see him return. The whole weekend you spend as much time with your family as possible. You are constantly shuffled from one support meeting to the next, it is all part of what the military calls “family readiness.” The whole time you are well aware of what is going to happen at the end of the weekend, yet somehow you believe time will stop, that you will never really have to say goodbye. Then suddenly you find yourself waking up one morning getting showered and ready for the very moment you have “prepared” for all weekend. The hotel room falls silent as everyone finishes up brushing their hair and spritzing with hairspray. Finally, reality sets in as you stand on the tarmac with all of the other families, the sounds of cameras clicking, tears falling and boots shuffling.

I remember looking at my sisters, and my step-mom, Heather, who at the time was 5 months pregnant with my baby brother Kordell. As I looked at them I grew worried. How were we supposed to manage on our own for a year without Dad? Dad was such a huge part of our success; he was supportive, funny and yet stern when he needed to be. How were we supposed to have a baby, help Hadley, who was three at the time, understand why daddy had to leave for so long? I was hollow. I couldn’t imagine how Heather, my stepmom felt. She was pregnant, had Kaylee, Hadley and me. I was born with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy, even though I am extremely mobile outside of my chair it is still harder to go places and manage. I worried that I would be more of a burden than a help to my family while Dad was gone. So as we all clung to Dad, tears streaming down our faces we whispered how much we loved him and how much meant to us assuring him that not one day would go by without us thinking of him and missing him. Then it was time. He stood tall, shoulders proud; he walked to where his men were standing, fell into formation and stepped onto the plane. The goose bumps spread through the entirety of my body.

There we were, holding hands, sobbing; watching the plane wheels leave the ground, and as I held my grandfather’s hand I looked up at that small white speck in the sky and prayed time would fly. We made our way back to the car, cleaned ourselves up, and had a few empty laughs. We stopped at Perkins on our way out of Billings knowing that no one was really hungry. As we drove home we struggled to find conversation desperate to forget about what we had just done. Soon we found ourselves back in Miles City, MT at that menacing front door.  If you have never lived this situation it will be hard for you to fully grasp because saying goodbye to a soldier on their way overseas is nothing like saying goodbye to a family member who is moving or if you are leaving for a long period of time. It is much more daunting and uncertain to say goodbye to a soldier. I prayed every day that he would be safe thinking that if anything were to happen to him over there our family would never smile again. Now as the days passed his absence was still very present, although we grew more comfortable with the empty seat on the couch.

The new routine suited us well; all of us girls grew very close that year, especially Heather and I. Suddenly we became more supportive and aware of each other as we learned how to cope. Then the baby came. The emotions of that day are still just as raw as the day Dad stepped on the plane. Heather gave birth to a beautiful son; Dad was on skype watching but still painfully aware of the fact that his child wouldn’t feel his touch for another eight months. Heather wondering how she was going to be a new Mommy while caring for the other three children all on her own. I have never known more people as brave as Heather and my father.  But there he was the most beautiful pink bundle. I wasn’t in the room during Heather’s labor or delivery, her mother, father, stepmother and other family members were there with her, and I came as soon as she called saying it was time to meet the baby. He was named Kordell because we wanted him to be named after Kord, but still have his own unique name. Then it was time to bring the baby home and a whole new adventure began.

The first week was ok. Kordell grew fussier and fussier. We tried everything from changing formula to changing how much how many ounces in the bottle. Until one day my grandfather found a lump on his leg. After many doctors’ appointments we discovered that Kordell had Caffey’s Disease.  A rare disease where there is excess bone on the leg and arm bones and as the child grows it stretches out and eventually the bone grows into normal size again. Usually by the time the child is three years old they grow out of it. However it is painful when they hit growth spurts. There were many sleepless nights where Heather, her step mother, and I stayed up holding him as he screamed, all we could do was try to make him as comfortable as possible as we took turns soothing him. Dad was even more stressed now that Kordell was sick and we were on our own.  Although again we found our rhythm, our routine with the new baby became normal and we girls grew even closer as we all took care of each other and Heather and I both worked hard to parent the children. Pretty soon the months were flying by.

We grew used to our new life and before we knew it, it was time to pick up our soldier. We were all so excited yet nervous at the same time. We knew it would be hard for us to forget the roles we had taken while he was away and go back to the way we lived before he left. So much had changed; I mean we had another member of the family. Once we got to Billings it seemed as though time had stopped. It was March of 2013. It had started to lightly snow as the soldiers stepped off of the plane. The whistles and cries of hello and excited bustle erupted from the crowd of families.

He made his way through the crowd, eager to meet his youngest son, and he hug each of us. Then he found us, taking Kordell in one hand and Hadley we all formed a small circle taking in all of emotion and the shock of seeing him standing so close; so within reach when he had been unreachable for 12 months. Then the celebrations began, we went to Applebee’s, although I think we were all a little too excited to eat. Except for Dad, he was beyond excited to be going to an American restaurant.

Once the newness wore off and we began to transition into everyday life again things became more stressful. My role as co-parent was over which was hard, I think for Kordell that took some getting used too. The little man was eight months old and he was not used to having a man in the house. That was hard for me. We had a routine that we were all used to and now we had to adjust and re-incorporate him into our lives. However, any problems there were adjusting; it was well worth it to have him home again.

The fourth of July meant more to us that year than just barbecues and fireworks in the park. We finally understood how great our freedom was and what it meant to maintain that freedom. Every day he was gone we prayed and wished the days would fly by and then when he finally got home we prayed some more and thanked God for keeping him safe and making us strong. That year warranted more growth in our family than any other year thus far. I am so proud to call Kord Merical my father because as hard as our year was, it was nothing compared to the year he had. I couldn’t imagine having to be that far from your family not being able to help them, and doing the job he had to do, fighting the battles he had to fight and being in a constant state of stress all while maintaining his famous smile.

So... this Fourth of July take a moment to reflect upon what this holiday means and the families who have fought to keep that holiday.

In My Life.

This new set of photos with the lovely Kel-Z Photography has really blown me out of the water.  It's by far the series that I am the most comfortable with and feel like I look like myself.  This particular outfit is no exception.  In fact, this outfit has a long list of stories.  The skirt basically cut off all breathing ability and we giggled a LOT as I tried to drive us around Ogden cut off lung capacity.  The belt is turned backwards because I think it looks dumb the "normal" way with this tunic from Chic Style Utah.   Last, but not least, the shoes are bad-ass-smokin hot, but were purchased in an extremely challenging period of my life.  And thus, we engage in some real talk avec Ray for this week's blog post.  

A couple of months ago I decided to deep clean the closet and donate a LOT of shoes to a non-profit that my friends run.  As I was going through my shoes I came upon these beauties.  At first glance my heart jumps a little because they are HOT.  Vintage-inspired, polka dots, peep toe, good heel.  But, in the same string of happy emotions, my heart also sinks just a tiny bit as I have a flashback with a flood of memories that are attached to these shoes.  In that moment, as I sat on my closet floor, I opted to keep them because I needed the reminder of how far I've come since they were purchased lots of years ago.  

One of my favorite Beatles hits is "In My Life."  The lyrics speak to me and it is one of those songs that I will randomly remember while I'm going about my day and sing out loud.  The lyrics I particularly love are, "There are places I remember all my life.  Though some have changed, some forever, not for better; some have gone and some remain.  All these places have their moments of lovers and friends I still can recall.  Some are dead and some are living; in my life I loved them all."  Things have changed for me; friends and loves have come and gone, but I do remember them all.  When I think about the events that surround these shoes I get teary.  Not because I'm sad that it didn't work the way I thought it was supposed to; that was impossible.  I get teary because I was STRONG in my time of weakness and I worked through it and I am a BETTER human because of it because I let God's timing take over.  

This past week I felt compelled to share my "closing remarks" from my last session of therapy with a dear friend.  It's been at least 2 years since I've read them from start to finish.  They are the kind of words that I am a-OK with staying in the past, but I haven't forgot what I wrote.  My therapist encouraged closing remarks with a series of questions that were the highlights of the goals I set to accomplish in my journey with her.  For me, it was a critical part of my healing because it forced me to really think about what we had accomplished, but what I also had in front of me as I went about my life without the security blanket of a third party helping me cope.  I've decided to share a portion of them with you today because I think this is a sentiment that many of us can relate to at some point in our life.  I can also attest to the absolute feeling of despair and mourning that I felt as I went through the process of therapy.  As you shed the shit your brain actually has to go through a process of reprogramming to adjust to life being different (even though it is better).  

"In many great movies when the film concludes the sorrowful words, "The End" stream on the screen and the viewer is done.  Done knowing what happens next and perhaps hoping for more.  However, with most stories "The End" really just means an end to THAT moment, not an end all together.  

So, here I sit celebrating that I am at the END of my time in therapy.  

It's not easy to admit you're jacked up to a complete stranger.  It actually sucks really bad and hurts like hell,  But, slowly as each layer of hate was peeled back and thrown away I got better.  For every bad thing I went through it seemed that little good things snuck their way in.  

The question has been posed to me when do you go back to loving deeply and what is the plan?  Well I don't know what the plan is.  The last 2 years were hell on earth and I had to purge some of those I loved the most out of my life because their love was toxic.  And I am here to tell you that any way you toss it up, toxic is still toxic.  

So, with a tear in my eye and a cute new outfit to boot....I say, cheers to the end because it only means a new beginning."

As soon as I copied those words in to the email for my friend I had to take a long, deep breath.  A moment to let it sink in that I HAVE improved.  I HAVE grown.  I HAVE overcome so much.  And thank God.  I thank Him every single day for The End meaning The Beginning for me.  

Not all therapists are created equal (they are still human) and I've had friends express sentiments of frustration that their attempt at therapy wasn't as successful as mine.  On the same hand, I've also had friends who have shared my sentiments that therapy was absolutely the BEST choice they've ever made because it saved their life and gave them the coping skills that they were missing and helped them move on.  If you are reading this and thinking, "I'm one of those people who HATED therapy."  Please don't give up.  Shop around.  This is your life we are talking about!  Embrace that you are in control of your happiness and healing and find your "Jenn."  She or He is out there; I promise.  

The Beatles' "In My Life" continues by saying, "And I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before.  I know I'll often stop and think about them.  In my life I loved you more.  In my life I loved you more." 

For me, the words "in my life I loved you more" are talking about me.  I HAD to love myself more and because I did, I took that leap and created a new beginning out of what seemed to be the end.  Dig deep, find that love for yourself, be brave, and have the courage to embrace the end being your new beginning.

The moral of the story:  The storms of life are REAL and will suck all the color out of life, but if we will have courage, faith and perseverance, the colors and sunshine WILL return.  In your life and in my life, love them more as we recall that they are the beginning, not the end.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Friends ARE the Spoon Full of Sugar.

Guess what, my lovelies!?  It's time for the next round of fabulous photo shoot features and blog posts with Kel-Z Photography.  I am beyond pleased with the results from this shoot and I can't wait to share my thoughts with you as well as her incredible art.

It's always a huge delimmma as to which outfit I will feature first because I love them all.  Generally, it comes down to the theme that I am going to talk about that makes the decision easy.  Such is this case this week.  First of all, can we all just stop and sigh in unison over the door in the photo above?  I have noticed that there are some pretty rad doors on the buildings in Ogden so I wanted to center some of my photos around those.  Random?  Yep!  Surprised?  You shouldn't be.  This group of photos were shot in front of the USDA Building on the corner of Adams Avenue and 25th Street here in Ogden.  Really cool building.  I was so giddy when I discovered it and that door.  Aw, the door.  The top I am wearing is from Chic Style Utah in South Ogden, UT.  It's a longtime favorite because of its simplicity and elegance.  Be sure to check them out by going HERE!

For the majority of my professional life in the service industry, I've played the game of association to remember people, places, things, events, lots of things.  I especially do this with clothes.  I remember people by the outfit and/or shoes they were wearing when I first met them or first saw them (that secret crush....aw yes.....that day....he looked so handsomer).  But, on the same hand, I also remember things with the clothing I have.  My entire closet is full of memories (LOTS of them...let's not get into that subject)  This outfit is substantially significant because it represents two of my dearest, longest friends who have done SO much for me in such small and simple ways.  And so I submit, in true Mary Poppins form, friends ARE the spoon full of sugar that makes the bitter medicine of life go down.

A couple of years ago I served on a committee for a Great Gatsby-themed charity gala in Utah County.  It was one of the greatest experiences of my life for a long list of reasons.  In the midst of all the planning for my part with the decorations, I was desperately trying to find the PERFECT outfit.  I went back and forth on the outfit options and what style I wanted.  I had told my friend Colleen that I was stressing over the outfit (normal in Ray Land) and one day I get a text from her that says "what size shoes do you wear?"  I told her and she replied, "I just found the most perfect Gatsby shoes and I am buying them and sending them in the mail tomorrow....be on the look-out.  You have to have them."  At this point, I hadn't decided which route I was going to take with the outfit, but was SO touched that she was on the look-out for the perfect shoes in Montana.  I had no idea what they looked like, but I trusted her judgement and when the box landed on my doorstep and I opened it,  I cried.  Basically, the perfect shoes, perfect fit and totally my style for everyday wear, not just for the event.  It may sound silly, but I treasure these shoes because of the thoughtfulness and genuine care of my friend that they represent.  I can absolutely attest to how hectic my friend's life is running a business, managing a household of hooligan boys and a diva dog, but she STILL makes time for her friends and these shoes are my constant proof.  How often do we take time to think outside of the box and do something for our friends that they would never ever do for themselves OR have the means to do?  

And then there was the skirt.  If you've been a die-hard fan of the blog, you may recognize it from a very early fashion feature that talked about my love for thrifting for things that I can transform from ugly to masterpiece.  When I wear this skirt I think of my Jo.  This skirt was the result of an SOS trip to Idaho to meet each other in the middle for comfort food, girl talk and thrifting....let me elaborate.  Jo and I have been BEST friends for 12 years.  We have gone to hell and back with each other.  We talk almost daily and are sisters from other misters.  Her family is my family.  We became friends while I lived in Montana and one of the other quirks I have is my passionate (ok maybe a little too dramatic...maybe not) love affair with Taco Johns.  It's cheap tex-mex and I HEART it.  They don't have these restaurants in Utah and it is my comfort food.  So silly, but the absolute truth and presents a problem when I am having a BAD day and just want to feel some normalcy again.  There is a Taco Johns in Pocatello, Idaho which is bascially half way for Jo and I so one Saturday I sent her the SOS text and said, "do you have plans today, I am getting in my car and driving to Taco Johns in Pokey, can you meet me?"  At this point in my life, that was a very out-of-character move and she dropped everything and got in her car and came to my rescue.  Do you have those friends that the minute you see them and hug them that you feel like you're not going to implode and can continue to conquer the world?  Jo is on that list.  She's simply amazing.  That day included a lot of shared feelings from both of us over potato oles and Diet Dew and then we found the local thrift store and laughed and laughed over how horribly ugly this dress was and how I would make it pretty and convert it to a skirt.  You don't believe me?  Look at the original blog post HERE.  It was crazy ugly and I wasn't wearing a lick of makeup when we did the duck face photo in the store.  We've since made one other SOS trip to Pocatello and it was full of laughing, eating and thrifting....our favorite.  I thank God daily for the blessing of this bestie of mine.  She does so many small, simple acts of kindness for everyone around her, including me.  But, I have to say that I adore the fact that she is my voice of reason and consistency that keeps me moving forward in the thick of the storm.

This wouldn't be a true post about simple acts of kindness without giving accolades to Suzy from Just Be Purses.  She has a really great Utah-based business called Just Be Purses.  I love her ability to make seemingly "weird fabric" into GORGEOUS one-of-a-kind masterpieces.  I featured her bags in my winter photo shoot and this time around I wanted to feature her clutch.  Isn't it gorgeous????!!  I was glad I found this one and even more grateful for her generosity in donating it for the photo shoot as well as a clutch that we are giving away (as shown below).  Genuinely kind people make life bearable.  Please show her some love by checking out her Facebook page HERE and go visit her booth at Logan's Summerfest next weekend!!  

The moral of the story: thank GOODNESS for friends who are the spoon full of sugar as we swallow the bitter medicine that is life at times.  They bring us sunshine, potato oles, and the perfect shoes...among a long long list of other things.  Thank yours today.  Do it.  NOW.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

  

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::GUEST BLOGGER:: Triumph Over Definition.

Note from Raylynn: I am very pleased to turn the blog over to my quirky and delightful sister, Lena, for a guest post of great proportions.  This isn't her first time on the blog and I highly recommend you check out her other post too by going HERE.  Lena is a soon-to-be senior in college in Montana and is our family's resident writer, artist, Doctor Who fan and fan girl extraordinaire.  I hope you enjoy her post as much as I do!  Be sure to check out our GIVEAWAY at the end of her blog post.  

Hello again, R’s lovelies! After making my debut on “Let it Be & Celebrate” I just couldn’t pass up a chance to make an encore appearance. It’s absolutely fantastic to be here with you all once again. Alright. now that we’ve gotten the sentimentalities out of the way, I’m just gonna go for it.

A couple years ago, I was exposed, for the first time, to a delightful young British singer named Ronan Parke. He competed on “Britain’s Got Talent” and has been developing a name for himself ever since. The centerpiece of my musings today is his song, “Defined” (I won’t feel bad if you decide to take a quick break to look it up. In fact, I hope you WILL HERE. The music video will provide an excellent visual backdrop for my thoughts). It speaks out against being labeled/stereotyped by others and feeling inferior because of it. In other words, bullying. Yep. I said it—the big, bad, B-word.

I’ve always been a passionate advocate for anti-bullying. I’ve had my fair share of it. Fortunately, it didn’t get the better of me and I continue to live my life trying to pretend it never happened. But it did. I don’t remember everything that was said/done to me, but my subconscious still does. It’s not something that can be turned off like a light switch; there’s more to it than that.

The mind of the bullied is in a near constant state of paranoia regarding their self-esteem, self-worth, and overall social acceptance. Symptoms include social awkwardness, low self-esteem, and having the need for strong, meaningful relationships. Below you will find not a textbook explanation of these symptoms, but explanations from the point of view of a survivor—from my point of view. I hope you find yourselves better educated on this life-changing epidemic infecting our society.

Symptom #1: social awkwardness. A survivor will oftentimes be afraid of social settings. They have trouble leading out in friendships and general conversations with others due to fear of saying the “wrong thing” and being rejected. Going to social events alone can be paralyzing for this very reason. Keeping to themselves is typical. However, when they find themselves in comfortable social situations, they are capable of being the life of the party.

Symptom #2: low self-esteem. A survivor is constantly questioning themselves. If they were bullied because of their physical appearance, on what part of themselves will they be particular harsh about? Anyone? Anyone? Yes, you in the back row? Very good—you are correct: their physical appearance (not exactly rocket science, is it?). Finding themselves attractive can be difficult because they were forced to believe that they are not. When such a concept is so heavily emphasized, the mind perceives it as a fact, not an opinion. Thanks to having this mindset, survivors tend to appreciate compliments even more so than what can be considered “normal.” Being assured of their beauty and worth (physically and mentally) is vital to their self-esteem. On the other side of the scale, having low self-esteem leads to the development of shoddy sarcasm filters. They may occasionally have trouble discerning the difference between sarcasm and sincerity. That being said, sarcastic remarks aimed directly at a survivor can be hurtful because they cannot tell if the one producing the remark is being serious or is “just kidding.”

Survivors find it difficult to take constructive criticism. They know that it is necessary for personal growth and know how to respond to it. However, they have to carefully monitor themselves to ensure that they don’t take it too personally, otherwise they may go into an emotional tailspin.

Symptom #3: the need for strong, meaningful relationships. More than anything, a survivor needs good relationships. They don’t need very many, but the ones they do have mean more to them than the other party/parties may ever understand. When they form strong relationships, they are willing to do anything in their power to maintain them and have no shame in being doting and affectionate. They have a constant hunger to feel wanted. Personalized attention is also extremely important. They hate being a numbered face in the crowd. They need to feel cared about.

***

As you can see, bullying has a lifelong effect. It triggers the same area of the brain that retains subconscious memories of a traumatic experience. Bullying IS a traumatic experience—an ongoing one. Why does it happen?? So many people (of all ages) struggle with being a victim of this heartless act of cruelty. I think a main reason this occurs can be attributed to a fear of the different. If it’s not “normal,” it’s not “acceptable.” Victims are therefore categorized and stereotyped. Bullies themselves may also have their own issues to work through, which can cause aggressive behavior. Cause-wise, the road runs both ways. It’s tragic.

So what can you do (hypothetically)? Tread softly and be kind to everyone. Be mindful. Be considerate. Have compassion. I can’t and won’t be defined. I live my own life. I’m free to be nothing but me. Yeah, I’m free to be ME.

***

The moral of the story: BE NICE to people.  Our differences make us unique and oh so fabulous.  Just. Be. YOU.  

Please take the time to enter our giveaway from the lovely Suzi, owner and creator of Just Be Purses in Hyrum, Utah.  An awesome, unique, one-of-a-kind clutch, with a secret surprise gift card inside, is up for grabs this week. Be sure to check out the Just Be Purses Facebook page HERE and go see them in person at Logan's SummerFest on June 18-20.  It is their only show this summer so be sure to visit!  Thank you for your continued support of our cause; I love your work & message.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R (and L, too)

Follow me on Facebook HERE, Instagram and Twitter (@beyoudesignut).

 

Beachy Reads & Sunshine Dreams.

Memorial Day has come and gone here in the 'hood which means one thing:  SUMMER!  OK, maybe three things....summer, sunshine and my BIRTHDAY!  I am such a summer baby at heart because I love anything that is related to the summer months and I especially enjoy the beach.  You're probably asking yourself, "then why the frack do you live in Ogden, Utah?"  To which I would answer, "uh....have you been to the Great Salt Lake?  We got beach."  Bazinga!  I dream of the beach almost daily and I especially dream of a vacation that includes the beach and a solid reading list and no cell service.  Just typing it makes my heart sing.  

Recently, I read a blog that I found on Twitter that addressed the topic "if I was stranded on a beach this is what I would read" or something like that....I'm not much of a reader, but when I am, I like the kinds of books that would be PERFECTO for a lazy day on the beach and the kind that I can escape in the plot and dream away.  Here is my current list for you to enjoy & maybe, just maybe, you will find one that can help you escape to beachy, sunshine dream land.  Cue twinkle music....or the sexy cabana boy with an umbrella'd drink....depending on the day.....and the dream.....

• The Girls' Guide To Hunting & Fishing by Melissa Bank:  This is at the top of the list for a reason.  It is my all-time favorite modern book and it is the plot that I instantly escape in to as soon as the heroine starts talking smack about her brother's snobby girl friend and says, "don't mean to acid rain on your parade."  I wrote a blog post all about the book and you can find it HERE.  
• Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell: This is a delightful YA read.  My lovely friend on Instagram recommended this book so I thought, why not!?  It is a sweet, but raw story of two teens who are the outcasts in their own crowd, but the perfect match for each other.  It also doesn't hurt that Eleanor is a feisty redhead.  If you have issues with the F-bomb, you may want to shy away from this one, but I'm telling you, you'll miss out on a super sweet story that is a thinker and heart warmer.  
• Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:  This non-fiction book was made famous by the movie starring Julia Roberts.  I am a weirdo and don't usually read the book before the movie like most normal people.  This was the case with Eat Pray Love and the reason I decided to read the book was purely because of the India scenes in the movie.  They were powerful and my friend who took me to see the movie said the book was ten times better than the movie so I was in.  She wasn't kidding either.  The book is enlightening and such a refreshing read.  I will also let you in on a little secret....the audio book is just as fab because Elizabeth is the person who reads it.  Talk about rejuvenating.  So if you were underwhelmed by the movie (most of us) and didn't give the book a shot, change your ways!  You'll be glad you did.  
• The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells by Andrew Sean Greer: This is the most recent addition to my list of beachy reads and I wrote about it briefly in last week's blog post HERE.  This book was a lucky find on the Under $10 iBooks list and I was hooked from the first page to the very very end.  It is a time travel novel with a twist of dealing with death and the pain that comes when untimely death occurs.  However, it also has a historical/period fiction flair and the time travel that occurs because of electric shock therapy in an effort to work through depression.  Intriguing and gripping.  The reviews were divided on Amazon and Good Reads, but I loved it.  
• Jane Austen Ruined My Life by Beth Patillo: This is a HILARIOUS book.  My sister-in-law's mom had this book in her collection and the cover and the title caught my eye.  She ended up giving me her copy and I was glad she did because I've shared it with a number of friends.  The main character is a professor and after a messy divorce and some career disappointments, she decides to head to England for some R & R.  What actually happens is she realizes that Jane Austen's depiction of relationships and love was all a load of bull and it turns her to have some internal rediscovery.  
• The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs: This is a feel-good chick book about true friendship and girlfriends who stick together.  The main character is a single mom who owns a knitting store.  She and her daughter have had a roller coaster of struggles throughout their life, but they find comfort in knitting.  They have a knitting club that joins them after hours to talk about their lives and give each other encouragement.  

and last but definitely NOT least......

• Love, Lucy by Lucille Ball: Who doesn't love a good biography and this lady loves Lucy.  I really enjoyed this book which is the only book Lucille Ball ever wrote.  Lucille Ball was ahead of her time as a woman professional, especially in Hollywood and she was very successful her entire adult life.  She was also a devoted mother and wife.  I've learned lots about her over the years as I've watched her many syndicated TV shows and the biggest fact is that she and Desi Arnaz created "I Love Lucy" because they wanted to divert the attention on their terribly strained marriage by having a comedy about a crazy redhead and her Cuban musician husband.  Luci and Desi loved each other deeply, but ultimately they were better business partners than lovers.  I wrote a blog surrounded around her famous quote, "once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."  You can read that post HERE.  

Well, there you have it.  I continue to enjoy good reads and even better dreams of the beach whilst enjoying summer in the 'hood.  I would love to hear your favorites so feel free to comment below and share!  I am grateful for books that can take me away on adventures of silliness, friendship and love.  Who can resist a small dose of Mr. Darcy mockery or an older man crush of great proportions?  I know I can't!  

The moral of the story:  Life can be a little beachy on its own so why not escape in a good read and dream of days gone by or fictional hotties who sweep their lady loves off their feet.  

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R