::Becoming American::

I am so excited to be a guest blogger today!  And what better day than my F.A.V.O.R.I.T.E. holiday?

Why is today my favorite holiday you might be asking?  Aside from it being summer, the BBQs being fired up, the fireworks display after dark, and the lemonade…  Today marks the 238^th anniversary of our great country’s Independence.  At heart I am proud to be an American. 

My journey to this place in my heart began in 2001.  I graduated high school in Washington and moved off to college in Virginia.  Little did I know that at that TINY little university nestled in the Shenandoah Valley I would be moved to such patriotism.  September 11, 2001 is a day that many will never forget.  It was the day America was changed.  America was violated.  That day also happened to be the day I had been asked for a date. A date that would change my life.  I was asked out by a cadet from VMI, Matthew.   When the attacks in New York and Washington DC happened I didn’t know if this date would happen.  But it did.  And it was the start of a beautiful relationship.  While courting, I learned that Matthew would commission into the Army once he graduated.  That meant that his life would be a constant of moves, deployments, and service.  I was ready to sign up.  We fell in love.  We got engaged.  We planned a wedding.  We got married.  He commissioned (as did I, we all know that it how it really worked).  We found out I was expecting a baby the next summer.  We packed up our small apartment and moved west to Fort Sill, Oklahoma.  Little did we know what was around the corner for our new family.  We spent over 5 years in Oklahoma.  In those 5 years there was a deployment that lasted 15 months just after our second child was born.  During the deployment Esquire visited the team Matthew was deployed with.  You can read about it here.  After Matthew’s return home and a military course later we were stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington.  This is close to HOME for me.  We thought it would be good in case there was another deployment. 

What I have learned being a military wife has brought me to my knees in gratitude.  Matthew wanted to serve in the military because he wanted to make it safe for his children to play in their own backyard.  Matthew wanted to protect those that couldn't protect themselves.  Matthew wanted to make a difference.  This is what all of our men and women and uniform do.  Even writing this I have chills. 

I have been with women who have had to deliver their baby without their husband because he was far away heeding his country’s call to serve.  I have been with families while they grieve the loss of their soldier.  I have seen the flags waving bravely in the breeze as a funeral procession drives down the road.  I have had the touching reminders of the greater good around us because of the military. 

While I am no longer an Army Wife, I still have the most tender of feelings for this country.  Hearing the National Anthem makes my eyes well with tears and my heart swell.  I am so proud to be an American.

This is my little guy looking up to his dad as the Army Band plays the National Anthem. (I am even teary again!)

A few weeks ago I took my kids to the local outdoor amphitheater to watch the Utah Symphony perform.  While we sat on our blanket in the grass my son laid back and started directing the music.  And I thought about how incredibly lucky we are to be able to enjoy this.  And my heart became a little sad at all of the children all over the world who don’t have this luxury that we do.  As the maestro began to engage with the crowd I wasn't paying much attention since I was so involved with my thoughts.  And then I heard him talking about why they do these types of concerts in the summer.  It was to pay tribute to our beautiful country.  He then said that they will be playing the songs of all the branches of the military.  He asked those that had served, were serving, had loved ones serving in the branch of each song to please stand.  When the Army Song came on, I had my kids stand.  And much to my pride they both began singing the words to the Army Song.  They beamed with pride as they sang this song for their dad serving our country in Pakistan.

The Army Goes Rolling Along

Intro: March along, sing our song, with the Army of the free

Count the brave, count the true, who have fought to victory

We’re the Army and proud of our name

We’re the Army and proudly proclaim

Verse: First to fight for the right,

And to build the Nation’s might,

And The Army Goes Rolling Along

Proud of all we have done,

Fighting till the battle’s won,

And the Army Goes Rolling Along.

Refrain: Then it’s Hi! Hi! Hey!

The Army’s on its way.

Count off the cadence loud and strong (TWO! THREE!)

For where e’er we go,

You will always know

That The Army Goes Rolling Along.

Verse: Valley Forge, Custer’s ranks,

San Juan Hill and Patton’s tanks,

And the Army went rolling along

Minute men, from the start,

Always fighting from the heart,

And the Army keeps rolling along.

(refrain)

Verse: Men in rags, men who froze,

Still that Army met its foes,

And the Army went rolling along.

Faith in God, then we’re right,

And we’ll fight with all our might,

As the Army keeps rolling along.

(refrain)

Raising Girls

Tonight I was the co-hostess for my dear friend's baby shower. She and her

husband were surprised with this pregnancy and they are pleased to have a little girl on the way. She is 38 and this is baby #5 so I insisted on a party. I may have gone over budget and I am not ashamed. I haven't bought anything pink and cutesy in years. And deep in my heart I look forward to my turn to birth a daughter. Yep. I said it.

I haven't talked a lot about my mom because she is funny about social media exposure, but I feel it is necessary. She can get over it after she reads this post. It hasn't been easy being the daughter to this woman. I am the oldest and she was young when I was born. She even admits that she kind of felt like a failure when I was still a baby so she had my brother quick to prove that she didn't completely suck at motherhood. She and I didn't see eye-to-eye for a lot of years and it was rough. However, this mamma bear was adamant that her kids were educated and they knew the facts of life. We may have been scared shitless to mess up but we knew choices brought consequences and that we had to work hard to be successful. Now there are lots of regrets in fights and statements that were made but forgiveness is real and there have been some pretty major trials and experiences for both of us that have helped us grow. 

It is not easy for a woman who had 5 hooligan brothers to raise 3 daughters. It is also not easy to raise girls when the oldest is a redhead, the middle is a feisty free spirit and the youngest is an angel from God. We are the Motley Crüe of whatever. But. We are passionate. We are deeply commited to our family, our sweethearts and our country because our mom is to hers. With that I give further insight.

Family: My mom is very very devoted to her family both living and deceased. She's a family history nut and as a result we know all sorts of information about the living and the dead. Additionally, she absolutely loves her parents, her brothers, her sisters-in-law and her grandbabies. I have never set foot at Disneyland because any available family vacation time was spent with her family. They are loud, redneck, very Republican but oh so incredible. And we are content with a package of hot dogs, some buns and a fire, as long as we are together. 

Love: My mom made the decision to be a homemaker from day 1 of her life as a mother. She raised us with a passion for musicals, opera and family history, among other things. We also knew that she had fallen short of a bachelors degree to raise kids and it always bothered her that her education wasn't complete. So she insisted that all her children, especially her girls. would be educated. It just was not an option to give up in the middle. It was a proud day for me to see her graduate with her bachelors degree a week after I did. She has always been a devoted wife to my quirky adorable dad. The older I get and the more relationships I have the funnier it is to see how their relationship ticks. They are a crack up, but a good match. 

Country: Without doubt I can credit my love for this country and its flag because of my mom. We knew when ALL the flag-flying holidays were and why they existed. We also knew that both our parents were faithful voters and I was most excited about turning 18 so I could have my turn at the polls. The right to our opinion was and still is a sacred one and she was proud of us as we exercised  that right.

We are living in an extremely different time than when I was a kid. Our girls are exposed to muck and smut all day long from so many different avenues. If you think that you can protect your daughters from it all YOU ARE WRONG. At one click of a button she can see every which way to do whatever and whenever. We need to teach our girls to know their boundaries and stand their ground in school, work, relationships and the polls. If we are teaching the fundamental wisdom that choices bring consequences and being REAL about what those actually mean it will be ok. And even if they mess up they will rebound and come back. I am deeply upset when I see things that fly across the news that take away the right to choose for women. I am a Mormon and I just said that in print. Get over it. And I'm not talking about abortion or birth control so don't jump to conclusions. And ya, that may cause you to roll your eyes, but ultimately we need to have the right to dictate our own lives and the choices we make are our business. If we make it our life's mantra to live and let live, I know that we will be greatly enriched by everyone who is going after the same goal: to make it another day and not go bat shit crazy. It's pretty simple. 

The moral of the story: much to her surprise my mom raised awesome daughters who are a lot more like her than they will EVER admit out loud. 

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

New Adventures

Have you missed me??  Life went in to HIGH gear after Father's Day and I've been in full concentration mode to keep in check with my mental health. 

Onward and upward is the theme of this post. How are we facing our challenges in life? Are we looking at them with blinders or with our eyes wide open with the big picture in mind? It is safe to say that at any given moment it could be any and all of the above. Living with faith AND

courage is HARD! I am not perfect and always chipper and charming. In fact I can be quite cynical and pissy when I don't have control over the situation. For me, it wasn't until I let go of the fear and channeled my focus to positive that the stars started to align. Every day I have seen incredible miracles come to play, even if it was the fact that I could still function on NO sleep. 

The most enlightening piece of advice I received was from a dear work associate and now friend. As she and I sat at the Ogden Arts Festival a couple weeks ago she suggested that I start channelling my journal efforts. These were her suggestions:

1. Write "I love you" at the top of the page.

2. Write 3 things you are thankful for 

3. Write a moment of pleasure.

4. Write a moment of success

5. Write one thing you love about yourself.

After day 2 I was already seeing a change. The sky wasn't changing colors or a fairy godmother was appearing out of nowhere, but my mind was putting itself at ease because I was loving it and appreciating it and recognizing the good that was all around me. 

I will forever be a HUGE fan of journalling as a mental health magic potion, but I am once again amaZed at the true power if actually has in the grand scheme. We are

blessed for the EFFORT we make to love ourselves and cut some slack during the challenging times. Because when it's all said and done we are surrounded by BUCKETS of blessings down below the black clouds. We can do hard things. 

The moral of the story: blessings come all the time. It's our job to recognize and CELEBRATE them. 

Until next time, my lovelies!!

-R

My hero.

I will forever say that it takes a special kind of man to be the father of daughters. Not that the fathers of sons are second-class citizens, but there is a special kind of patience for drama, periods and boys who can't get their crap together and we cry about it over and over annnnd over.

I was blessed to be the numero uno child and first daughter for my dad. And I have to admit that he should win an award. Front row seats in heaven to that man. He has been through a lot with 4 women, including my mother, under one roof. Last night I posted the following collage on Instagram and this was the caption: "I am a LUCKY daughter. This man who I call Dad continues to set the bar on what a good partner and parent really means. I absolutely adore him; his silly quirks and all. And the fact that I was gifted his genetics and have the widest calves ever really doesn't matter." 

So I want to talk about five of my dad's character traits (or quirks to some) that have shaped me and also have given me a standard for the kind of man who will father my children. 

1. Stand up, speak up, shut up: My dad is an post-secondary educator by profession. His main classes that we knew the most about (and actually cared) as kids were Public Speaking and Interpersonal Communications. One of the main points he always teaches is "stand up, speak up and shut up." Say your piece with confidence and sit the hell down when you're done. Don't wear out your welcome or everything you've said is null and void. 

2. Smell is everything: My dad is insanely hilarious about smells. He drives my mother crazy with it but I think it is quite endearing and something I agree with. For the majority of my childhood we cut our own Christmas tree because my dad wanted THAT smell in our home. Oh so many years of sappy crappy mess, but it smelled like Christmas and we loved it. It wasn't until I was an adult that my mother finally won the battle and they purchased a fake tree. BUT, the compromise was my dad could burn the Salt City "Christmas Tree" candle to create the smell. To this day I still make sure I have ample holiday scents for my burner when the fake tree goes up in my home. 

3. If there are dishes to be done, do them: My parents have never owned a dishwasher and they probably never will. That is a luxury that was just not on the radar. My mother's kitchen is also the size of a shoe box so one meal's worth of dishes and it is a nightmare. There were countless days when I was growing up that there would be a mountain of dishes when my dad got home from work and he would roll up his sleeves and do them. He has always been the kind of man who saw the need and met it. 

4. Respect your mother: if there was one thing that would send my dad over the edge was disrespect for our mother. And he was incredibly proud of his own mother who was a military wife and the best cook ever. One of the most challenging times in my life was watching the intense mourning that occurred when my Grandmother passed away from breast cancer. I am so grateful that he always showed us that treating his lady love with respect and honor was his number 1 priority. And I don't think I've ever heard him end a conversation with my mom until he has said, "I love you." 

5. Be consistent with your faith: my dad is a man of faith and has always been the consistent leader in family prayer and reading scriptures. Now this should not be construed as we were the pristine perfect family. We were/are not. But we sure tried our best. When we were running a million different directions (including him) we always managed to have family prayer to open and close our day. Even if it was the three-part short prayer. We also always prayed before we hit the open road for any trip. A life lived with consistency of faith (whatever that may be) is absolutely critical. 

There are a hundred other things I could write about my dad, but these 5 things are really what have formed my opinion of  what a good partner and parent means. 

I want to add one more thought about dads. I know that there are TOOOO MANY children out there who will never have the luxury of their daddy hero. And to the mothers of those children I say, "carry on, wonder women. You are doing the work of two. Don't lose hope." 

The moral of the story: Good parents are a gift from God so be one and thank the one or two or four who raised you. 

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

If It Is Meant To Be...

It's time for some more fashion philosophy a la Raylynn. This installment of wisdom boils down to one sentence... 

If it is meant to be, it will still be there waiting for you on the sales rack in 3 months.

Now, you may scoff or roll your eyes at this advice, but it is TRUE!!!! I rarely pay for things full price, unless I know I can make at least 5 outfits. We've discussed that previously. So.... Here is the deal. I love Macy's; like HEART in red permanent marker on my forehead LOVE Macy's. And I also love their clearance. If you can master the timeline of clearance at Macy's you are set!!! I'm here to tell ya that the quality of clothing at Macy's clearance for the cost, many times, is LOWER than Target. How could you resist? 

The second store that I would say falls in my I HEART YOU category is The Gap. Oh man, we won't get into how many rewards I've earned from that place using the very unholy and colorful credit card. Since moving to the 'hood I've only been close to a Factory Store which could be a good or bad thing, depending on the day. Generally I don't go there unless I have a specific need because the selection and styles, as of late, aren't my favorite. But, I will ALWAYS love Gap denim and only go there for jeans. 

This past weekend my friend needed some cute new outfits for her trip to the NoCal coast. She had a coupon to the Gap Factory store so we went. Truly I needed nothing ... Well, actually I needed a couple basic tees but that was it. As we moseyed our way over to clearance I saw an adorable dress in my favorite color combo: mint and navy blue. When I pulled it out to check the tag for the size I saw the price.....

Were my eyes deceiving me!?????!! Like for reals, was this adorable dress ONLY $1.97??? YEP. It was. I will neither admit not deny whether or not I did a Chandler Bing happy dance in the dressing room when it fit perfectly. Given the nonsense I've been facing in other areas of my life, I felt it was a personal victory to find something so wonderful for such a low price. And based on the pricing of each item in the outfit (minus my rings), everything was under 20 bucks. WINNING!! Here are the specifics;

Dress: The Gap Outlet store $1.97

Leggings: Target $7 (on sale)

Necklace: Hiyaypapaya closet $2

Shoes: Deseret Industries $6 (basically new)

The moral of the story: wait for it. And if it's meant to be and you still love it when you go back in 3 months, BUY it!!! Otherwise, walk away. 

Until next time my lovelies.

-R

Three words.

I have had serious mental block as of late and it's been challenging trying to decide what to write about for my next post. I read a beautiful update on Facebook this week that was written by an associate who is in the rebirth stage following an extremely painful divorce. It brought tears to my eyes as I read her very raw, poignant reflections of love lost, yet strength gained. And that got me thinking. . . Let's talk about three words.

I LOVE YOU.

For such a short sentence it sure is hard to spit it out at times. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home where my parents always said, "love you" to close their phone conversations. As a result, it is very natural for me to end phone calls with the same sentiments. However, I am very cautious as to who I hand it out to face to face. For some reason, when it comes out of our mouth it suddenly means something. Like we better damn well mean it. Uh ya!! Then why is it so hard to put down our guard and admit the truth? The f word. ... Not THAT f word... The OTHER one... FEAR. Damn that vixen called fear. A ruthless monster on all accounts. I have had a couple of relationships that I knew we were to the point that I was ready to say it and almost did, but held back. And those three words sat in the back of my throat like a fat brick blocking my voice chakra. I have wondered if it would have gone differently had I said, "wonderful amazing man of mine, I love you. I love your quirks, I love your messy hair, I love your kind heart and I love your crazy heart. Please say you love me back." It's doubtful that it would have turned out differently but it still breaks my heart a little bit. What makes me afraid to be rejected when I know that my love runs deep? When I commit and attach my heart strings to that of another, I am in it. In it for the long haul. But, here's the issue. They are not. Their insecurities and inability to bare their soul is not there. It sucks. Sucks so bad it makes me ill to write of it. But, I must. What can we do to bridge the gap between, "I can't muster up the courage to bear my soul" and "please don't ever go away, I love and adore you more than words can describe." I wish I knew. 

I also want to address the idea that one must birth a human in order to bond with it. I know, switching gears, but for me it is related. The older I get the more likely it is that I will love a man with children. It is also possible that my ability to birth my own children may not happen. I don't know, but all I know is this...a child does NOT have to rent my uterus for 9 months for me to love it like my own. In fact, I welcome the opportunity to be a bonus parent because how cool is that to say to  a child, "guess what you are a lucky one. I am your bonus mom!" Hells ya! I would do it in a heartbeat. The longer I live in Ogden, the more I run into kids who I would scoop up and take home and give them a good life and love them like I had carried them for 9 months. One such girl was in my friend's kindergarten class this year. She was too old to be in kindergarten because her family had "forgot" to take her to school when she was supposed to be in the class. She would regularly come to school in dirty, smelly clothes and talk of sleeping in a car instead of a warm bed. Seriously. This stuff kills me. Why? Why? Why? And when I finally got to meet this sweet girl who I had heard so much about I found a beautiful resilient little girl who, at face value, had NO idea that her life was less than ideal. We MUST remember to offer our heart freely when we feel the urge because we never know the power that it will bring to another human. Especially kids. They can't help it that they were conceived in a dumpy situation so we must be aware and allow the love to flow. 

The last point on love that I want to address is probably that which is the most difficult to accept. Love for ourself. Holy hell, why are we our toughest critic? Why must we be the enemy to the face in the mirror? I know of a handful of situations right now where the depression runs deep and the voice in the head of these people is burning their insides one disparaging comment at a time. From my own personal experience I can attest that one of the most fearful times in my life is when I actually heard my inner-self say these things and I couldn't fight back because I believed it. It has taken a lot of work and a lot of prayer to get to a point where I trusted my inner-self so I didn't have to rely on the outer influence to determine my worth. I am NOT defined by my body shape, my boobs size, my family size, the year of my car, the color of my skin, my marital status or how long I've been in a career. I am defined and driven by my relationship with God and my soul. And I mean that. And just because I said it doesn't mean I'm perfect or it's because of this or that. I have to dig deep. REALLY deep. I am sad a lot that I haven't had my babies yet and I'm losing sleep because of politics, not teething and runny noses. But, I know that the love that I feel for those around me is REAL and GENUINE and that I will and am blessed for my goodness.

So.... The moral of the story.... He's out there. He will attach and I will let him.

Until next time my lovelies.

-R

Gettin lucky.

I've been in a very emotional place since last week. There are changes in the career and quite frankly it has been damn freaking hard. But, I have been blessed in countless measures and it's about time I talk about getting lucky. 

One of my crowning "finds" in my previous career role was a little place called Lucky Slice Pizza. From the first meeting these three snow-lovin, pizza-tossin guys had me laughing. And stuffing my face with carbs. I'm not going  to get super sappy because it's not the chill way, but I could go on for days. When you find a company that contributes countless ways to the community, makes pizza with drizzled ricotta on Fridays (Bianca!) and a partner has the logo tattooed on his bicep, you know it's legit.

This week I had lunch with some business connections at Lucky Slice and our conversation led to some really good leads that left my heart feeling happy. When I told my friend, one of the owners, about it he said, "I'm glad it's lucky for someone." Indeed it is. What I love the most about LSP is the feeling of peace, love, pizza. That's their tag line and the point but it's real. I was on a date there this winter and another couple ate with us because there was limited seating. And it was delightful.

I have seen all facets of this business and the brains who run it and I'm a big fan. It's not about the pizza. It's about the people and how life can be lucky.