Anniversary.

I was sick for the majority of this week so I haven't quite caught up in normal life which really means I've been wracking my brain to think of this week's blog subject. And then it hit me, my fabulous little Instagram feed hit the one year anniversary point. Almost like a whirlwind first year of marriage... So fabulous yet so damn turbulent that I couldn't forget about it even if I tried.  And so here I am with a sappy recap. Ha! Just kidding.... We all know I hate sappy. So let's go with sassy and a bit jaded. Yes, perfect. 

For those of you who have recently discovered the random musings of beYOUdesignsut, you most likely don't know that it really started out as an experiment.  In my former career I was a small business banker and almost every meeting I had with clients the subject of social media would come up. Naturally, me being a woman of 25... I mean 30-something, my clients generally assumed I was a SM (social media) expert. Well, not really. I had a private Facebook page and a private Instagram page, but for the most part I kept it pretty simple. And all the nonsense about hashtags and "at" signs were just that: nonsense.  At the same time I had a number of people that would consistently ask me about my outfits and where I bought them and how I came up with them, etc.  And certainly last but not least I was pretty sick and tired of seeing all these websites and IG feeds with rail-thin chicks who you know are mostly air brushed and sans personality and making those of us with curves and flab in all the wrong places feel like shit.  And then the experiment was born. 

In the beginning it really was all about the fashion. I made a few idea boards and then would post my personal outfits. The picture above reflects some of my first posts (minus the bottom right photo).  It was a really good coping mechanism for me as well because I was going through some rough emotions due to some failing relationships and my job was turning out to be hell on earth. Everything was happening for a reason. 

I had NO IDEA how blessed and watched over I would soon become because of this little experiment. One day I stumbled on an absolutely incredible declaration of a gorgeous woman in the UK who, with IG as her witness, made the promise that she wasn't going to let the looming thoughts of self-hurt win the battle and that she was going to overcome her struggles. I tear up just thinking about it because it was powerful. So powerful that I sent her a message and we are now the dearest of friends and we are international sisters. My Lottie. She was because of a hashtag search. 

And then there were my kiwi girls. I don't really know how we all found each other, but I know that it was absolutely no coincidence. These brave, beautiful, snarky and incredible women are fighting the vicious battle that is eating disorders. Oh how much I have learned from each of them and I am truly amazed at their courage and sass and ninja skills in a world that is just downright terrifying.  

And remember how this was all about the FASHION? 

Then one day I found Simone. A stylish instagram shop owner who became an instant friend because of her infectious love of thrifting and a long list of other things. She is by far one of the most creative women I have met in all of this. And she is an incredible mom, even though I know she thinks she's not on most days. 

And remember how this was an EXPERIMENT?

Throughout all of this I found that I was not only changing the shift of thinking for a few, but I was healing and mending too! Because believe it or not my self esteem has taken a beating a time or two or ten. It is NOT easy being a woman in Utah. Ugh. Let's not get on THAT tangent. But, I was also dealing with some unresolved mourning and the journey with that alone went hand-in-hand with my "experiment." 

In February I decided to do a fashion feature during the week of Valentine's Day about loving the body type you were given and how to dress it to flatter it, not to hide it. In the midst of all of this I found my dear friend April. She is an Ogdenite extraordinaire and a true foodie and a fighter of fights that need no explanation. I absolutely adore her and her little family. They have become dear friends who I appreciate so much. And her husband may have been the final straw of convincing me to learn to ski this year by his compelling sales pitch for the learner's deal at Snow Basin. Damn him and his sweet sales skills. 

There are so many things that I have learned in the last year. But I think the one thing I've learned the most is this: there is not a single damn one of us who is not fighting a daily battle of some kind. And if you think you aren't then look in the mirror and have a serious chat with yourself. Additionally, our nationality, religion, sexual preference, marital status, number of children, number of shoes we own or fancy purses we hoard does NOT define us. What defines us is the beating heart in our chest, the lungs that breathe the air around us, the brain that thinks and the two feet that carries us to our next destination. We all still want the same things: to be loved, revered and respected. 

God be with each of you who have made it to the end of this post. You are not alone. Fear not to be YOU.  And if your biggest fear is saying I love you to the one who you've loved for months, don't worry....you're not alone. I promise. I understand. 

The moral of the story: everything happens for a reason. And thank God for that.

Until next time, my lovelies.

-R 

Don't mess with the mamma bear.

A number of years ago I was asked the following question in a job interview, "if you could be any animal what would it be and why?" Without much hesitation I answered mamma bear. And my reasoning was I'm fearcely protective of the people I love, whether they are family members, friends or people on my team at work.  Don't mess with my Cubs, unless you want a good solid ass whooping. Like seriously. Don't.

Earlier this week I was having a conversation with someone and it came up that I wasn't a mother yet. I always hate these conversations because it seems to be a token of definition here in Utah whether or not a female has pushed a watermelon out of a garden hose.This conversation happened to be with someone who is a therapist for teenage girls and it spurred my need to elaborate more than normal. 

I told him that after I turned 30 I decided that I wasn't going to let the cultural labels of childless vs. mother define me and that I would channel my deep desire to be a mom through other venues. When I moved to Ogden I was strongly encouraged to get involved with non-profit organizations in the community. We were advised to be involved in something that we were passionate about so there would be motivation to continue. I knew I wanted to be involved with something that helped women and/or children.

I was introduced to the Weber-Morgan Children's Justice Center. My co-worker at the time  is the chairman of the board and I quickly learned that this organization was something special. I volunteered for their annual gala and then this year I helped as well. Since I have changed jobs I now have more free time and it is even more critical to be involved in the community. I'm thrilled to announce that I've been asked to be on the board and will be official this week! I'm so stinkin excited!! This organization is absolutely critical in the law enforcement world because it provides a safe place for kids to come and play and thereby talk with private investigators as they play together. On Saturday they had an event called the Ride for Justice. It was all sorts of biker going on and quite humbling. And you bet your buttons I had on my service Sanuks and a cute outfit!

The best part was the processional of bikes revved up and ready to leave. As I watched them leave I got choked up because I knew what was the common denominator in this ... People who all support a cause that helps the little people. And then my mamma bear kicked in and I had the overwhelming feeling of, "if anyone anyone anyone ever laid a finger on my little loves I would KILL them." And then I came full circle; in that my involvement with this organization is filling my mommy  void and I love it. And I may never see those victims face-to-face, but I've been where they have been and I can feel the connection. 

I feel so blessed to call this random 'hood my home sweet home. I ended the day on a balcony in downtown Ogden looking over the roof tops and basking in the beauty. I am lucky as ever to be here and involved in such wonderful organizations.

The moral of the story: my life may not be what some think it should be, based on whether or not I have offspring to brag about, but I sure as hell am a mamma bear at heart and will do whatever I can to defend and protect those littles. 

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Cancer sucks. That is all.

Since I started beYOUdesignsut, I've  always known that at some point I would have a campaign that involved my tag line "perfectly imperfect" and the proceeds would go to charity.  As my favorite month of the year approaches, I am reminded that it is high time to talk about how much cancer sucks.  

It's not often that someone can say their grandmothers had cancer at the same time.  Well, this girl can say it.  I don't know how we got so lucky to experience that from both sides, but we did.  For me it was definitely a rude awakening that, genetically speaking, I'm getting the bitchy end of that deal, from all angles.  My paternal grandmother lost the battle and my maternal grandmother has won (so far).  I remember the immense struggle my paternal grandmother went through when she lost her hair.  She had never colored her hair a day in her life and it was not gray.  However, after she completed her chemo-therapy it grew back gray and feathery and was awful looking.  She was devastated.  And this was a woman who refused to have breast reconstruction and wouldn't wear the special bras, but was never the same about her hair.  My maternal grandmother, on the other hand, didn't lose all of her hair, it only thinned.  And she cracked me up one day as I was watching her get ready before a chemo appointment, and she says, "cancer hasn't been that bad on my hair, in fact it's thinned it and now it's more manageable!" Aw, the differing perspectives and attitudes. 

I know of another sweet family who is holding on to their mamma tight as she battles a rare type of liver cancer.  Through a hashtag revolution #kuuscourage, they have fought hard to face life with a smile, lots of prayers, and infinite amounts of love. 

And last, but certainly not least are my dearest wonderful friends, Clint and Kamille.  Clint has defied the odds over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.  They continue to show great faith in their fight for life, but continue to live and love. 

So, what do all of these stories have to do with my campaign?  Do you think that my grandma went to bed every day, after her hair grew back, feeling like a champ?  NOPE.  Do you think she accepted that she would never be able to have my grandpa put her hair in rollers?  NOPE.  When you read Kuu's story or look at her instagram feed you will see that this woman once had gorgeous, long dark hair and is now a beautiful bald woman.  And let us not forget that Clint, who is my age (a strappin mid-30's hunk) is now Kamille's silver fox husband because his hair has changed colors with the chemo.  Image is on the outside only and I know that, but it never gets easier to look in the mirror and accept that you're not going to be perfect again.

I have recently been introduced to a Utah-based non-profit called Image Reborn.  It is pretty freaking incredible.  On their website, the mission statement reads, "Our mission is to provide no-cost healing retreats to women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. The focus is on encouraging women to reclaim their sense of personal power and to strengthen them in their journey toward healing on all levels and living fully.  Image Reborn's Living Beyond Breast Cancer program is designed and facilitated by a highly professional staff with backgrounds and experience in addressing the special concerns of women with breast cancer.  The retreats are offered at no charge to participants, once they arrive in Utah." 

So the plan that is in the works... Tshirts with the above writing on them. Because I'm a business banker at heart I'm always concerned about the price margin as well as the amount that can be given to charity. My question for my readers.... If it was a quality shirt and the price was $20 + s & h, would you pay that? I want this to be awesome and I want it to be something my fans and your friends will wear! Please comment below! I want feedback!

The moral of the story: cancer may change your insides and your outsides, but it can't kill your attitude. Keep the sunshine going strong!

Until next time my lovelies!!

-R

Timing and Transition.

I am grateful to know myself well enough to understand that I SUCK at change and I SUCK at transition. Pretty early on in my hell-on-earth closing chapter of the last job I spent some bitterly angry and sad days. In the midst of this I had a text conversation with one of my amazing friends. He knows me well and he knows that I damn near kill over to do the right thing, but I was a MESS. I don't remember what preceded his comment, but I do remember the looming reality that I may have to leave Ogden which was killing my insides. And then he sent the message above. To say it was perfect timing is an understatement. It was life changing. It changed how I approached finding a new job and dealing with my job at the time. The other great side of this story was when I was able to dish some of his own medicine when he was having a particularly ick day with his job. So I will say this: Timing is everything. I know it is bitterly hard to trust in the timing but then things happen and you think, "holy moly, there it is. The moment I've been waiting for."

So what's my deal with transition? Ya... I go a little batty. I always have, always will. I remember when I moved to Ogden I had a conversation with my therapist prior to the move and she said to me, "you know you struggle with transition so just tell yourself you're giving yourself 6 months to adjust." This round of transition has been one of my odder experiences. I left an 11 year career, took a BIG step in the dark and it has not been easy. It hasn't been hell either, but I know myself and my limitations. Last week I posted this on my Instagram 

If you've seen the film you know that Tom Hanks character, Jimmy, yells this at his team. It's one of those moments when I always do a reality check and laugh and think, "what a damn jerk!" And then I get all philosophical with myself. To me, "no crying in baseball" means toughing the crap days. And when there is transition in my world there are exponentially more crap days. But, I work through it and I slap a smile on my face and remember that I am a tough lady and I can do just about anything. . . Well almost everything.... I still can't ski. *random side note* But, I am finally to a point with this job that I am feeling my mojo return. And what happens when my mojo returns? I come back to earth. And coming back to earth also means I cook again! Ya! I'm a cook! And a damn good one! Oh and my oven still works! I got proof! Cheeeeeeeeck it out! 

It's been a good week of home cooking and seeing the fruits of my hard work at the office paying off. And lunching with good friends, including the one who said the pivotal advice. Those who need to be in my life, for whatever reason, are still there and those who were holding me back are gone. And it is ok. 

The moral of the story: transition is inevitable but not impossible to push through in order to come back to earth. 

Until next time, my lovelies!

-R

1988 called. . .

It's been way too long since I had a fashion feature. I'm happy to be back in a routine and feel some normalcy because it helps my fashion mojo too. So let's talk about this pink ditty.

If you've been reading my blog since the beginning you know that I love a good thrift find. I especially enjoy the finds that are unexpected and completely ridiculous at first sight. And then if it fits I consider it a fashion challenge to make it my look and not ridiculous. It's a twisted delightful train of thought. Remember the Michael Kors meets Calvin Klein meets Moo Moo outfit? 

So when I found this dress at Deseret Industries I giggled a little and thought 'this will never fit.' And maybe checked my phone to see if 1988 had called. Nope, they didn't. Well it fit and it looked awesome, but I didn't have the right jewelry. When I wear something this random I have to have crazy jewelry so that it is my look. I couldn't settle on anything in my collection so the dress hung in my closet for a couple of months.  I had seen some chunky necklaces at a few stores but couldn't ever settle. To make a long (and super silly) story short I finally decided to wear the red chunky necklace that I bought from Chic Style Utah last year. It is one my favorite pieces from my collection. Generally pink and red don't go together but I just felt it. I had planned on a different black belt but was having a plumpy day so I switched to the wide belt. And what makes a bitchin outfit? RED. SHOES. I was also wearing sparkly bow earrings and suddenly it had a Betsey Johnson feel. Such a fun ensemble.  I've had an extremely challenging self esteem week so it boosted my spirits to look random and cute! So now I won't be purchasing different jewelry and will wear it this way every time. Trend set. Check and check.

The moral of the story: 1988 may be on the brink of phoning in, but I created a look that NO ONE else has and it was awesome. We can all do that in every aspect of our life. 

Have a great week & until next time, my lovelies!

-R

Embrace the geek.

Well the blog famine hath ended.

First of all, there is life outside of banking. Praise The Lord! I have the BEST job now and it has allowed me to have flexibility and creativity that I was deeply craving. I am forever grateful to the Ethel in my life aka Sarah B for feeding me and putting up with me during some of my most difficult days of my career. In the midst of her feeding and dealing with me she managed to bring out my geek. I was already flying some of my geek flag with The Big Bang Theory, but she has reallllllllllly brought it out. AnnnnnnD now let's talk Who. Doctor Who? Exactly. Lame joke. 

As a culmination of the flocking geekery, where do people generally go to find the rest of their nut job flock? They go to .... COMIC CON.  So imagine my surprise when Sarah told me that our mutual friend could get us free tickets to Salt Lake's Comic Con? Uh ya. It didn't exist. But then they announced that Simon Helberg from The Big Bang Theory was going to attend. And I was hooked. 

For anyone who has ever been stranded in an international airport you'll understand that droves and droves of ancy smelly people can make one twitch. Well times that by 10 and add in a few too many slutty fairies and tubby Trekkies and that about sums up the day. Now don't get me wrong, we had fun, but we(ME) had the most fun because we had VIP access and strolled right in to the panels in front of the crazies times 10. Refer to photo número 1 above. It was EPIC.

There were three things that I remembered the most.

-Simon Helberg said in his panel, "when you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life."

-Stephen Amell, who is SMOKIN HOT, talked about why he does so much for charity. He said that he does it because he can. And he controls all of his own social media so he can still have control over contact with his fans. He was simply amazing. And SMOKIN HOT.

-We stood in line for seriously an hour just to get our picture taken with the Tardis (Doctor Who). It was at the end of the day and I was beyond done. But, I needed to do it because I've taken a liking to the show, but also to send to my sister who is a HUGE fan. While we were waiting, the line got held up and before we knew it a little guy was being presented as the newest time lord and the crowd was cheering. He had asked for a Doctor Who experience with the Make a Wish Foundation and it ended at Comic Con. It melted my heart. Nothing compares with having your child live a long life, but I love what Make a Wish does for kids and their families when premature death is inevitable.

All in all, the day of flying my geek flag wasn't horrible. And really I am SO grateful for my geeky Ethel who has kept me laughing and nourished during the dark days of stupidness on the job front. 

The moral of the story: fly that geek flag, bitches!

Until next time, my lovelies! 

-R